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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend money to a "friend"

276 replies

littletykeboy · 24/03/2018 09:25

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 24/03/2018 21:25

Hey ... credit to you Lady.. for bringing it up lol lol brilliant Flowers

Farmerswife36 · 24/03/2018 21:33

What a cheeky cow ! Hopefully next month = no chance of ever seeing the money she owes you

Jux · 24/03/2018 21:57

The next time you hear from her will be years away. She knows she can't tap you now, so she's not going to try again for a very long time.

Well done, and I'm sorry you've lost a 'friend' over it, but obviously you're better off without her.

eggsandchips · 24/03/2018 22:09

I wouldn't entertain anyone who only got in touch when they wanted something.

Original poster
littletykeboy · 24/03/2018 22:26

You're all right, I won't ever see it, I'm glad I came here now so I wasn't guilted into "loaning" more 😀 The power of mumsnet!

OP posts:
TwitterThread3 · 24/03/2018 22:29

I think when ‘borrowing’ money to friends, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility of never seeing that money again. So only give what you can afford to ‘donate’, essentially. The fact that she didn’t disagree when you said it would be difficult for her to pay you back and the £137 suggests she was probably going to string you along again - she would have reassured you otherwise. Proud of you for being strong OP and hope you get the previous £80 back!

NWQM · 24/03/2018 22:44

YNBU to not 'lend' her the money. You don't have it. You can't be the only person she has asked. You need to let someone else 'step up' this time.

emmyrose2000 · 25/03/2018 02:32

Well done, OP.

Now to get your own money back. Send her your bank details and tell her that you expect the money back on Wednesday as you know she's getting paid then.

What lie story did she tell you last year about needing the money?

Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2018 08:19

littletyke I would write off that money, and have nothing more to do with her again. After all she only comes to you, when she needs money.

Original poster
littletykeboy · 25/03/2018 10:42

@emmyrose2000 I'm famous for my bad memory, but I'm sure it was something along the same lines of eviction! This eviction story has been going on a good year or more. What's concerning is it was her daughters 21st this weekend and I'm 100% sure they had a party for it, so part of me is thinking the money was to actually fund that!

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/03/2018 10:44

NO
She still owe you money !

You won’t ever get it back and you don’t owe her shit

Sorry Op but NO

listsandbudgets · 25/03/2018 15:56

@iamwonkothesane

sorry for giving you a telling off.. I misunderstood entirely

Attitude84 · 25/03/2018 17:22

I agree with the others. You don’t hear from her and when you do it’s asking for money. She obviously thinks you have it to spare and may be taking advantage of your good nature. Say no. If she’s not a real friend, not your problem.

beachcomber767 · 25/03/2018 17:26

Under no circs whatsoever lend any more money. You are not a bank for her to turn to when it suits. She is not a real friend and is counting on your kind heart. How was she managing before she came back into your life? I speak from experience ! Charity begins etc.

JocastaElastic · 25/03/2018 17:29

Experience has taught me NEVER to lend money; too often it results in arguments. If you want to help your friend, and can afford to do so, then give her the money and don’t ask for it back. If you can’t afford to give her the money, then don’t, but definitely don’t lend it unless you want to risk loosing a friend.

jessycake · 25/03/2018 17:33

I would point her in the direction of your local credit union if you have one . They are an excellent way to access small loans and to save for christmas and other expenses when you are on benefits or a low income.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/03/2018 17:36

Do not lend any more to someone who still owes you. She is treating you as a soft touch which is pretty insulting. Just say no. Do not feel guilty.

As for those pps suggesting you lend it if it is a “drop in the ocean”, that is not the point. There is a point of principle here. I think if you do relent and hand it over you are throwing good money after bad.
She has a damn nerve.

Lynrdskynrf · 25/03/2018 17:39

For heaven's sake be careful. Do not lend money to family either, mine cost me a mortgage which will never be repaid

calzone · 25/03/2018 17:43

216 messages people.....

RTFT......

It’s done and dealt with for now.🙄🙄

Icanttakemuchmore · 25/03/2018 17:43

Nrft. If you can afford to lose that amount then maybe I'd lend it as you won't get it back as next week she'll need to find the £137 odd too. My mum always said if you don't want to be asked again, lend the money because you won't see them for dust after!
But if you would miss the money then don't lend it. It sounds like you only hear from her when she needs money. So don't feel guilty. You won't get it back. She is an adult and should have taken steps so it didn't get this far. I'm sure you're not her only friend so be careful as she could have asked several others the same.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/03/2018 17:50

It’s done and dealt with for now.🙄🙄

Perhaps. Perhaps not.
In any case, there maybe others reading who do this sort of thing. Let em ding out people will be wide to their little tricks. Worth a shot, no?

Or are you going to eye roll yet again?

RoseWhiteTips · 25/03/2018 17:50

...may be...

RoseWhiteTips · 25/03/2018 17:52

Let them find out people will be wise to their little tricks...

Excuse errors made by deeply annoying autocorrect

Riv · 25/03/2018 17:57

Don’t send her your bank details it is quite a security risk, especially after the way she has treated you.
However: you now know roughly when she gets paid, so maybe you could drop her a regular text on paydays politely asking for your £80 back? If you are feeling a bit pa you could point out how kind you are lending it to her for so long without expecting anything in return, only your own money.

pinkpantherpink · 25/03/2018 18:03

Don't lend the money. She has made an arrangement at which time the parties must have understood she would be able to pay. You are unlikely to get the money back according to the history, and you cannot afford to lose it.

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