To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

She's contacted you because she has run out of other mugs to tap for cash. You can guarantee she's not about to be evicted.

I think you've done the right thing in saying no.

If you can afford to write off the debt, do so without strings and it you can afford to give, not lend her more money, do so. I don't believe in lending friends money. Just give what you can afford and forget about it. Unconditional generosity. Freedom!

Good for you! She has no intention of paying you back or she would have already paid the last time. Most people would be mortified. She has no shame and just sees you as a soft target. Some friend who doesn't even send you so much as a hello in 18 months and then asks for money! You can't afford it, so don't give it to her.

Well done for saying no but I think your message reads as though you don’t expect to be paid back the original £80.

Well done. Assertive and fair. Good for you.

There’s a reason her bank/cc/loan companies won’t lend it to her. They will not get it back. And neither will you.

^this

I’m glad you’ve told her no, I predict you’ll never hear from her again.

I’d ask her to pay you back Wed since she’s getting paid then.

Sadly it has to be a No. She must pay the debts as much as she can, She should get a debt counsellor who will help her negotiate what she can pay and to whom. Bailing her will just prolong the inevitable

Funnily enough she hasn't replied to me

If she thinks getting money from you is a lost cause she probably wont reply. She'll have other "friends" who haven't had the balls to say no yet.

You did the right thing.

I don't think you will hear from her, she knows you sussed her out.

Ha ha ha she’s having a laugh! That money is yours and you need it for moving. How long did it take you to earn it? Giving away x amount of hoursypubhad to work and scrimp is not on.

ballerini , can we be friends? That’s the kind of response I love, especially the tenner from 15 years ago.

Just say no op, it’s not hard.

Well done op :)

Another thing- the £80 she still owes you...

If you look at a minimum wage job laying around £8 per hour then she has borrowed the equivalent of a person working bloody well hard for 10 hours.

She was looking to fund something with the money and my bets would be that it's for a night out.

Such a shame she doesn't live closer and you could unexpectedly appear and find out the truth.

I would now see this as the final nail in the coffin. She is not a friend, she is a leech.

you will not get this back please don't I made this mistake with a friend who was like a sister
even though it's only 80 pounds it's still 80 that could go on your bulls
if she is stuck she can sell stuff and make 80

RTFT! OP has refused to lend more now and reminded 'friend' of the 80 quid from a year ago.

Well done, LittleTykeBoy! Did you include your bank details so she can transfer the 80 quid straight into your account when she's paid on Wednesday? {grin]

Lost cause. Lose her.

Well done littletykeboy. I think what you sent was excellent. It reminds her she still owes you, but isn't sulking about it and gives an excellent reason why you can't.

If she replies, I'd just put something very bland back about how you hope it all works out for her and you're thinking of her.

Well done op

My thoughts were:

A what she's saying about the arrangements made re her housing don't ring true

B asking for EXACTLY the same amount each time sounds dubious to me. Where I live that would be the right amount for a certain drug purchase

C she's not really a friend if she's only in touch when she wants money and doesn't even attempt to repay it

D you can't afford it anyway so have a legit reason to say no

I strongly suspect addiction issues that have led her to where she is with her housing (if that parts even true) and the people she's closer to - close friends and family KNOW what's going on and she knows they won't give her money for that reason.

I wouldn’t “loan” anyone more money if they already owed me. They will simply keep expecting you to help out every time and they then have no incentive to change things either.

I have a friend like this too. She’s had a tough time, I still care about her and if she ever needs a shoulder to cry on I’ll be there for her but not giving her any more money.

So she replied "ok I understand" no mention of the word money or anything, I wrote that off long ago as lost but still! The cheek!

So send back “So when Can I expect my money?”

Id reply again and ask her when you can expect the £80 she already owes you.

She will be moving onto another person now.

Ok replying now

Include your bank details.