to not take my child to a party

[StorminaBcup]

He’s 4. His behaviour has been shocking all week and he was warned that he if he didn’t behave nicely in the home he wouldn’t be going anywhere. This morning he has continuously snatched toys away from his little brother and hit him a few times, as well as scream in my face when he hasn’t had is own way. I’m aware that he’s really tired and needs the Easter break.
He’s now crying that he isn’t going but his brother is going. Am I right to stick my guns on this one?

I'd say YABU as it would be rude towards the party hosts. What time did he go to bed last night? He sounds exhausted, poor thing.

You were clear with the punishment-he peresisted several times. You need to follow through.

Go with his brother. Then talk to him about it tomorrow. If he is better take him to a special thing tomorrow.

He needs consequences.

If it's a whole class party (which they often are at this age) then the birthday child shouldn't mind too much if there's one child missing - you can take their card and present into school on Monday.

But if it's a small party with only a few friends then it wouldn't be fair on the birthday child if your ds wasn't there.

Yes, stick to it! You will have an far easier ride next time round.
Just make it clear to him that you have warned him and told him that he won't be going if his behaviour continues....

Honestly I couldn't do that. Is he tired?rundown?
Another punishment, maybe take away his favorite toy?

Harsh for a 4 yo. Give him a break.

I'm a "always follow through on threats" kind of mum so I would say no YANBU. If you now let him go then he is less likely to listen to you next time you say something like that.
However I try to always threaten things that I know I can follow through on easily. I would feel guilty not letting him go as well but I would still stick to my guns.

What would happen if all the parents decided not to take kids who had been naughty. There would be no party.

Don't punish the birthday boy and the adults who have paid for your DS to be there.

Find some other punishment, if you must punish him at all.

Chance to redeem himself should be given. Come Monday when he will hear all his friends talking about it you will feel crap. Imo stopping things that can affect friendships is a no no unless absolutely necessary. My dc still attend clubs etc as it's a commitment and helps maintain friendships.

I have a four year old too.
I’d give him a chance to ‘win it back’. Give him some important jobs (anything you can think of), and if he does them without complaint or whinging or hitting, then he can go.

I don’t like giant punishments like missing a party. He’s four, and his tired - being short-fused and stroppy is expected. If he was six or seven, I’d think quite differently - but I’d go a little easy on him.

Any way he can "earn back" his party invite?

Seems a bit mean that the hosts are potentially going to be inconvienced? (Depends on type of party I guess? A hall type / buffet party is a lot easier to miss at last minute than some kind of activity party?)

I'd personally not be impressed if someone bailed out at the last minute as a punishment to their child, although I'd understand (have a 5yo and a 3yo so I truly do understand!!)

Losing party invite is not something I'd use as a punishment, purely as I know my kids would end up having this miss the party

I think it’s harsh as a punishment for a 4 YO but not only that, these things can be bloody expensive, the birthday child’s parents are usually charged per head (and would not be able to get their money back at such short notice) so if a parent had cancelled at the last minute for a PUNISHMENT I would be royally pissed off. Illness, fair enough.

Hate this kind of punishment, it doesn't punish your child as much as it punishes the poor child whose party it is. Especially rude if you've already said you are going as the party child's parents will have already paid for your child's place, food, party bag etc

Supermoon -poor thing?
No that behaviour is unacceptable, I would not take him to the party either. That's how he will learn

This punishes the child whose birthday it is and the parents will have sorted food/ party bag etc.

I should have said it’s a friend’s Grandsons party but they don’t see each other apart from birthdays so it’s neither of them will miss each other. I’m happy to pay for ds’s place and ds2 will be going with DH with the card and present. Apologies for the unintentional drip feed.

I agree it’s a bit harsh but the toy confiscation hasn’t really worked and he has a few more parties coming up which he definitely won’t want to miss. I feel I need to draw a line somewhere. He knows he’s doing wrong because he lies about what’s happened. He’s still going swimming later and he has a friend coming round tomorrow so he’s not completely deprived.

I think in that case I’d follow through with the punishment but definitely pay for the missed place.

Totally stick to your guns - if you take him anyway that will not help him understand about the impact of his behaviour.

Assuming the birthday child is also 4, they probably won't even notice the absence. Do apologise to the child's parents though and drop the present off with them.

Stick to your guns! I'd do the same as you and not take him if his behaviour had been bad. And sorry but I doubt very much the party boys parents will be that bothered if there's one less. So all the other people saying it's unfair on the party boy is ridiculous.

He's 4, its too harsh and he wont learn any from it apart from being annoyed at you which when he is already tired and run down isnt going to help his behaviour.

TBH it sounds as though it might be a bit too much for him, anyway, especially with everything else you’ve got planned for the weekend.

I think consequences are important, as well as following through what you say. But does a 4 yr old really understand what ‘be nice’ means? It’s not very specific.

I think the mistake you made was the threatening of the no party. Silly thing to take away imo. No benefit to anyone him not going

If I were you I'd let him calm down. Talk about what's happened. Let him 'earn' the party back. Good behaviour, kind to his brother etc

In future set doable, appropriate punishment.

Normally I'd say follow through with the punishment, I've turned the car around many a time because of poor behaviour/attitude.

If he is lying you need to 100% nip this in the bud. Let him know that if he hasn’t lied you would have given him a chance to earn it back, but once you lie, it is done.

Trust your instinct. You know if he is being tired or if this is something bigger.