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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not take my child to a party

143 replies

StorminaBcup · 24/03/2018 09:22

He’s 4. His behaviour has been shocking all week and he was warned that he if he didn’t behave nicely in the home he wouldn’t be going anywhere. This morning he has continuously snatched toys away from his little brother and hit him a few times, as well as scream in my face when he hasn’t had is own way. I’m aware that he’s really tired and needs the Easter break.
He’s now crying that he isn’t going but his brother is going. Am I right to stick my guns on this one?

OP posts:

GentleJones · 25/03/2018 21:22

I would stick to it now you’ve told your Ds the consequences of his actions, otherwise next time he plays up and you give him an ultimatum, he won’t think you’ll follow it up.

I’ve threatened Ds with not going to his cousins before now, I had to follow through with it, even though I was looking forward to a day out too. Killed me to stick with it but I gave Ds an ultimatum and he chose not to listen.

We went the following day.

CaptainNelson · 25/03/2018 22:18

I'm really surprised at all the people saying it's a silly thing to take away. If the child is overtired and misbehaving, then how will going to a party make him any less tired or help in any way? Imo, YANBU. The party hosts will completely understand, especially in the situation you've outlined. Once he's had a good night's sleep and some downtime, talk to him about how we only get special things when we earn them. And I agree with the suggestions about earning back (but maybe not the first time).
Good luck OP!

mummy1234321 · 25/03/2018 22:27

I am all for following through but I’d never ever used not going to the party as a threat - I think it’s very selfish and it infuriates me every time someone does that to my child.
Of course hosts of the party said it’s fine - what are they supposed to say???
I always go: of course I understand but I feel like saying - thank you selfish and rude parent for letting my child down and wasting my money, you are in your own little bubble and have no consideration for others.
Next time come up with better punishment- I’m wondering what you do when there’s no party? Is your child out of control cause you are out of threats?

Original poster

StorminaBcup · 25/03/2018 22:41

I’m surprised to see this is still rumbling on. Thanks for the replies, the situation was dealt with yesterday and today’s been fine.

Is your child out of control cause you are out of threats?

Err no. My child is tired and needs the Easter holiday. If you bother to rtft (or you can just skip to my replies if that’s too much effort), you’ll get a more rounded picture but thanks for your comment.

OP posts:

sonia121 · 25/03/2018 22:55

sounds like he is deperate for your attention. my 4 year old is also exhausted and we are having alot of tantrums and bad behaviour lately too. you might want to try spwnding some
special time with him without his brother. that seemed to work for us.

TittyGolightly · 25/03/2018 23:25

My child is tired and needs the Easter holiday.

It’s only 3-4 weeks since the last school holiday!

SoupDragon · 26/03/2018 07:37

It’s 6 weeks since our last school holiday.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 26/03/2018 10:08

4 is very young. Is there more to this why he could be behaving this way. Children pick up on things. Or is he struggling at school / nursery and letting it out at home. Children don’t tend to behave like this for no reason. The punishment needs to be simpler like taking toys away to start with. Have you tried talking to him, spending one on one time with him.

Alisasmummy · 26/03/2018 12:06

I wouldn't let my naughty child be rewarded by letting them have fun if he's good reward him if he's naughty take something away

Graphista · 26/03/2018 12:19

Honest to god never mind the DC some posters need sanctions for their lack of reading skills/effort!

1 it's already happened/been dealt with

2 op had already used other smaller more immediate consequences and his behaviour didn't improve

I completely agree that the parents who are saying not to follow through are more likely to end up with entitled poorly behaved DC. As I said far earlier in the thread I've seen this happen.

It's not actually going to hurt a child to learn that no means no (especially when it's their parent/teacher saying no) and poor behaviour isn't acceptable. It does them no favours not teaching them this.

whiteraven010185 · 26/03/2018 12:40

Yes definitely. He was warned several times... If you give in it will enforce its OK to do what you want with no consequences what so ever. If this was my 4 year old, I'd stick to my guns too.

Summerlovin24 · 26/03/2018 14:23

You have got to stick to your guns. Hitting is not acceptable. I folllwed through with a punishment once. It was hard but i stuck with it. Made life easier after as he knew i would follow through any threat to take something away

cestlavielife · 26/03/2018 16:19

The child is four . Not 14.
An immediate removal.from the room. Or situation. A four minute time out. If he is tired put him to nap.

A punishment hanging over him for the next day ? Would Not be age appropriate.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 26/03/2018 16:21

Don't threaten things you aren't going to carry out

SoupDragon · 26/03/2018 16:31

The party was on Saturday. It’s all done and dusted.

Original poster

StorminaBcup · 26/03/2018 17:51

I feel a summary is needed so we can just put this situation bed. I understand that the impulse to post before reading is too much.

The party was the next immediate activity. We would have been leaving at 10am, it was already gone 9am when I posted.

The GP’s (who were hosting), are good friends, were fine about it and supported our decision).

This all took place on SATURDAY. It’s done. We’re all fine. DS has a had a good nights sleep and he’s looking forward to his Easter break.

Thanks for advice and support

OP posts:

Abbylee · 26/03/2018 22:29

Children at that age are easily exciteable, especially if they have a party to go to. They do not always have the ability to express themselves properly.

You, one the other hand should have the skills to teach him how to calm down so he can follow your rules. Like enough sleep.

I think you would be cruel to make him stay home. At age 4, he's more in need of guidance than punishment.

Although at that age I left restaurants and stores if they acted up. I only had to do each once. But this is different.

Original poster

StorminaBcup · 26/03/2018 23:04

Abbylee have you not rtft?! He gets enough sleep. He’s tired because he’s learning to read and write and play and learn all about the world in a school setting. He needs down time, which is what he’ll have at Easter.

I am teaching him how to manage his emotions thanks although I have no idea how you’ve deduced this from one isolated incident. I also fail to see how your actions differ from mine aside from the fact you took yours out in the first place and then had to take them home. Did you not teach your dc the skills of how to calm down so they can follow your rules in public? (You don’t need to answer this, I’m really not interested).

For anyone else about to post READ THE FULL THREAD. Or better yet, read something else. This has been dealt with.

OP posts:

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