Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS stabbed DD in the head with a fork. Normal sibling stuff?

176 replies

whereverialaymyhat · 23/03/2018 22:07

DS (7) stabbed DD (5) in the head with a fork at the dinner table.

I didn't see it, but her head was bleeding when I came into the kitchen. They fight like cat and dog and it's usually six of one and half of a dozen anyway, so I told him to say sorry and dinner carried on.

Told DH just now when he got in from the pub and he think it's terrible and not normal.

But I think all siblings fight and they're only little. AIBU?

OP posts:
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 23/03/2018 22:28

If either your son or daughter came home from school with a bleeding stab mark on their head from a metal implement wielded by a child two years older than them, would you be content with the teacher's explanation that kids do that and your wounded child was probably being annoying, however, the assailant apologised so it's all dealt with satisfactorily?

Try and step back and view this for what it is. Sibling abuse is real and causes permanent damage. Please protect your daughter.

Glad your husband seems switched on.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 23/03/2018 22:29

It's not normal no.

But I'm not going to kick you whilst you're down, the important thing is you act on it. At the very least put some safety measure in place ie not sitting them together at meal times and not leaving unsupervised.

You can contact the nspcc for other advice and support, there's loads of stuff out there these days. He is still quite young and learning how to handle anger and not lash out but that doesn't negate the fact he could have seriously hurt your dd.

Kewcumber · 23/03/2018 22:29

You think this is "normal"?! Shock

So when he picks up a vegetable knife and stabs her through the hand with it - what will that be? Normal?! But I guess he'll have to say sorry, so that's OK.

NSEA · 23/03/2018 22:30

All he did was say a forced sorry? No consequences for making his sister bleed? Well she is going to learn to accept violence from the men in her life. Well done you.

I am appalled at your idea of parenting. I’ve never felt more angry for a young girl

YoniHuman · 23/03/2018 22:30

Yes YABU, that is atrocious, using objects to hit a sibling, especially sharp ones should never be a simple “sorry” with no consequences. Your poor daughter. I'm just shocked that you ever think being stabbed in the head with a fork in acceptable normal sibling behaviour. Do you have siblings? Were you regularly stabbed in the head by them?

PurpleTraitor · 23/03/2018 22:31

Normal in my house growing up.

Needless to say it got worse and worse.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2018 22:31

it's usually six of one and half of a dozen anyway

You still need to stop them.

GrannyGrissle · 23/03/2018 22:31

Assuming this is real, fuck! Poor DD though if DS carries on like this and you dismiss it as trivial I have no doubt DD will end up with SS intervention and hopefully going to live with someone who looks after and has a clue about parenting/what construes 'normal' and what construes 'massively fucked up'.

Prestonsflowers · 23/03/2018 22:32

My brother and I fought all the time, he stabbed me in the leg with a carving fork and drew blood.
We were washing up at the time, I washed and he was supposed to dry-he didn’t dry so I poured water over the dishes in the drainer.
Our parents had a very violent relationship, I didn’t realise that other families weren’t like ours, I thought it was normal.
OP if your children thinks that this behaviour is ok and you seem to, then I think something is very wrong in you family

Prestonsflowers · 23/03/2018 22:34

your family

AndrewsMum23 · 23/03/2018 22:34

My brother stabbed me in the leg with a pencil when he was 7 and I was almost 13. I still have the piece of pencil stuck in my leg as I wouldn't let anyone near it to take it out with a tweezers, it bled for ages and was horrifically painful.
My brother and myself turned out completely fine, he doesn't have any behavioural issues and he never did anything like that again.
Of course it's not within the realms of 'normal' play - do have a formal sit down chat with him about anger and how you can't hurt people like that, but I wouldn't overreact either.

RedPandaMama · 23/03/2018 22:34

My sister and I are 3 years apart and best friends now (at 18 and 21), but we used to fight all the time growing up. Physically too! Biting, nipping, scratching etc were all very common, almost daily occurances, as well as occasionally giving each other a good whack with something hard like a shoe or games board.

But... I don't know. Stabbing goes beyond that, especially hard enough, in the head, to draw blood! Fights usually start when playing games and one is losing or similar. To stab someone with a sharp implement while eating dinner seems wrong. I'd be a little worried and definitely keep an eye on it.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 23/03/2018 22:35

I'm not sure this happened. You could poke or jab someone in the head with a fork but stab?

I definitely think the op would have notice a little thing like that as the child screaming blue murder (as it would bloody well hurt).

Yarboosucks · 23/03/2018 22:37

This one has a credibility rating of below zero!

Obsidion · 23/03/2018 22:38

I have had a few problems with 'fights' in my house of little boys. The littlest has been given a nosebleed through being punched on at least three occasions. I have zero tolerance and have tried a few methods to try and stop this behaviour. None of which were just saying sorry. They get time out and loss of electronics as a minimum.

My latest tactic was to show them an video about a young man who was left brain damaged after a senseless one punch attack. This seams to have really resonated with my 8 year old who has not hit his brother since.

Whether it was intentional or not, you really cannot let this pass without at least talking to your son about the danger of what he did. Perhaps he could do something kind for his sister to show he is sorry.

Love51 · 23/03/2018 22:39

Mine are almost the same age, sexes reversed.
I think you need to encourage more affection between them. Any time one of them does something a bit nice for the other, big them up and praise them. You might struggle to find anything at first but once they catch on that good behaviour gets rewarded with attention they will be competing to be kind. My big one 'power trips' occasionally by refusing to share her toys, but they don't fight.
You might need to start with 'not mean' if they aren't kind at the moment. Like passing a ruler or opening something for the younger one.

steppemum · 23/03/2018 22:40

My kids do end up being physical at times, they also tend to fight like cat and dog.

But when they get physical, we react strongly. The rule is that physical violence is not allowed, that it is not acceptable. There are consequences and some serious talking to.

They have to learn to deal with their frustrations and anger in ways that are not physical, I remember saying to ds (the oldest) - I know that you sister can be a pain, sisters often are. He looked really relieved, that someone had admitted to him he was 'allowed' to be irritated by his little sister. But I then went on to say, how ever irritated you get, hitting is not an option.

Time for a tightening of boundaries I think.

Findingross · 23/03/2018 22:42

My brother (then aged 3) ‘stabbed’ me in the leg because I wouldn’t give him a pair of scissors.

It was a temper act, but I still have the scar now.

It’s not normal - he needed quite a lot of support when he was growing up. He’s a lovely and responsible adult now, but I wouldn’t overlook this incident. At best, there are obviously some anger issues that need to be addressed.

Can I also say that the child who was ‘stabbed’ needs some extra attention and love. I still have vivid memories 40+ years on.

ilovesooty · 23/03/2018 22:46

Thank goodness your husband doesn't think it's normal.

EastMidsMummy · 23/03/2018 22:57

Holy fuck! That’s not at all normal. Your son needs support.

Mrstumbletap · 23/03/2018 22:59

Sounds like something me and my sister would have done. We hit each other, I remember hitting her with a tennis racket once. Would fight like cat and dog, punch, kick even when we were 10 and 8. So I don’t think it’s that strange, but he needs to know it’s not acceptable and be told off.

blaaake · 23/03/2018 23:02

That's not right.

Chienrouge · 23/03/2018 23:07

My 4 year old would know that this would be completely unacceptable.

SundayGirls · 23/03/2018 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Japanesejazz · 23/03/2018 23:08

That episode in fortitude! Shudder. That will haught me forever. Err no not acceptable at any age