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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this unfair sleep situation?

157 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 23/03/2018 08:24

Possibly I am as I am very tired.

I've been up at least twice a night since dd was born two years ago. She also tends to get up around 6.30am. I am very tired. In that time DH has never given me a night off or got up at the weekend with the children. He does work full time and I'm a sahm so in some ways I guess it's fair enough but I'm SO TIRED.

In the week I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH works from home so doesn't get up until 8.30am at the earliest to start work around 9ish. At the weekend I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH gets up about 10am ish.

As I said he does work full time and I am a sahm so I don't expect him to get up in the week but just occasionally at a weekend it might be nice.

Aibu?

OP posts:
userabcname · 23/03/2018 08:40

Yanbu. I'm on mat leave- DH works full time. I do night wake ups and I get both lie ins at the weekend (although I do offer him one, he insists I take both). When DS sleeps through - if he ever does! - we will definitely take one lie-in each. Sorry but I worked FT before having a baby and looking after DS 24/7 is the hardest job by far.

clementine100 · 23/03/2018 08:40

Mumsnet posters always come down so hard on the partner and the solution is often LTB.

I do think the situation is a bit unfair, as he's working 5 days a week and you're working 7 days. What about splitting the workload at the weekend?

Have a chat with your husband and let him know you're struggling. He might not have realised the extent to which you're struggling, and a calm conversation could sort it all out.

I hope all works out ok for you!

theeyeofthestormchaser · 23/03/2018 08:40

In the week I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH works from home so doesn't get up until 8.30am at the earliest to start work around 9ish. At the weekend I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH gets up about 10am ish.

Fuck me, what a selfish bellend. He gets two hours more sleep than you PER NIGHT, and 3.5 MORE EACH WEEKEND NIGHT????

Have you tried counting up just how much more sleep than you he's had over the past two years?? And he works from home?? So he's not a surgeon or something, who needs to be rested?

Fuck. Honestly, words fail me. He could easily get up with HIS OWN DS every other day in the week, couldn't he???? Plus one lie in each at weekends. He has no commuting time!

What a selfish wank badger. I couldn't love a man like that.

Cheesenacho123 · 23/03/2018 08:42

Just as a comparison. He has one job that he works from home and has lie in’s on the weekend.

Looking after children according to some article is the equivalent to working 2.5 jobs. You should be entitled to at least one day off!

Maybe each of you take a day over the weekend whilst the other has a lie in or day to themselves

PragmaticWench · 23/03/2018 08:42

He is utterly lacking in respect for you, it's shocking.

DH works full-time to my part-time and his job is very pressured and can involve long commutes. He still shares parenting 50:50 and puts in a lot of effort to make sure we BOTH get time off, equally. He did the same whilst I was on maternity leave too.

Whatisthewhatisthewhat · 23/03/2018 08:44

SAHM here. We get up at the same time (6.30) Monday-Friday and we each get one lie in on the weekends.

Whatisthewhatisthewhat · 23/03/2018 08:46

I do everything relating to the house and kids during his working hours, and we split it 50:50 on weekends

SusanBunch · 23/03/2018 08:46

He works from HOME? Sorry, but that is not as demanding as having to put on a suit, get on a packed train, work in an office all day, then fight the crowds to get home. Even if he worked out of the home, he should do the weekends. But this is basically a lazy entitled twat who works from his sofa, yet has managed to convince his sleep-deprived wife that what he does is so super-important that he needs a lie-in every single day. Most people who work in an office get up at 6.30 so he is basically sleeping in for an extra 2 hours each week-day. What a twat.

Rogue1234 · 23/03/2018 08:48

I'm on Mat Leave, DO works full time and DS is a pretty good sleeper. One weekend day, I wake up with him at 6ish and feed him (he's EBF), then DP takes him downstairs and lets me sleep for as long as possible.

He's only 3 months old and I end up exhausted if I don't get that lie in, God knows how you've been doing it for 2 years!

Definitely time for a chat with your DH, hopefully it'll be relatively easy and he'll start pulling his weight.

diddl · 23/03/2018 08:48

From where I'm sitting he gets a lie in every day!!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/03/2018 08:49

You’re joking?

In the week I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH works from home so doesn't get up until 8.30am at the earliest to start work around 9ish. At the weekend I'm up at 6.30am with dd and DH gets up about 10am ish

Fuck that.

He’s lying in bed until 8:30 on a week day morning while your up with his daughter every day? You’re up twice in the night with his daughter and your up both mornings in the weekend with his daughter...while he’s in bed until 10:30.

He’s well rested while you’re knackered.

No matter what he does for work, at home, his job is NOT harder than yours.

Tell him to get over himself. Tell him he gets up in the night, every other night or set nights and he gets up in the morning when you get up and he acts like a decent father & husband or he fucks off. You’re looking after DD while he’s working, not 24/7 while he does as he damn well pleases.

Jesus wept.

SusanBunch · 23/03/2018 08:49

I do think the situation is a bit unfair, as he's working 5 days a week and you're working 7 days.

It's more like he is working a 40 hour week and she is working a 90 hour week. I have a feeling that he probably isn't much use with mucking in with childcare and housework even after he has downed tools.

Oh and he gets to retain his earning capacity and pension, whereas OP doesn't.

Blaablaablaa · 23/03/2018 08:51

And what is this incredibly demanding job that means he gets to abdicate parental responsibility??

Not only should you be getting a lie in one weekend day but if he's working from home everyday he should be doing more on weekday mornings too.

He is being incredibly selfish and uncaring. Surely he can see that you need a rest?

theeyeofthestormchaser · 23/03/2018 08:51

I have a feeling that he probably isn't much use with mucking in with childcare and housework even after he has downed tools.

Yes to this ^

Mydoghatesthebath · 23/03/2018 08:51

clementine

A loving partner would know this is totally ridiculous. She shouldn’t need to have to tell him.

PalePinkSwan · 23/03/2018 08:52

Look at it this way (and explain it to him this way if you want...)

Right now you are doing all the childcare and nights with no help.

If you leave him, then for him to get meaningful time with his children, he will have them regularly including overnight, and then you can sleep.

You would actually be less tired without him.

How does that make sense?

Mydoghatesthebath · 23/03/2018 08:54

Anyone working from home 9/5 does not have an incredibly demanding job ffs!!!

My dh commuted 1/2 hours every morning and night to actually do an incredibly demanding job.

He still did one get up at the weekend. .

UpSideDownBrain · 23/03/2018 08:54

Not really a partnership, is it?

alreadytaken · 23/03/2018 08:56

YABVU in putting up with this for so long and if you werent desperately tired you'd realise that. So to start you need a weekend off to get some sleep.

Can you go back to mum for a weekend? That should produce a rapid change of attitude from your partner.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/03/2018 08:56

I’m steaming at what a selfish bellend he is.

Book a week away, for you. Leave DD with him. Do not food shop, prepare food, do the washing or anything before you go. Tell him you expect to find it spotless when you get back. Threaten family & friends with death if they ‘help’ him. DD will survive ‘Daddy care’ for a week.

Then let him tell you how much easier your ‘job’ is.

Wanker.

Iloveacurry · 23/03/2018 08:57

How you actually spoken to him about it?

LannieDuck · 23/03/2018 08:57

He should be splitting all the childcare and all the housework on evenings and at weekends.

I think these situations come about because the working parent simply doesn't realise how hard it can be to look after a small baby/toddler all day. They imagine you're sitting around with your feet up and plenty of down-time.

You need to find a reason to leave the house for an entire day one weekend, leaving DD with your OH. Even better if you can manage a weekend away so he has to do the overnight too.

Let him walk in your shoes for a while and then tell you that his job is so much more demanding than yours...

windchimesabotage · 23/03/2018 09:01

This is unusual you know. Im a SAHM and my husband works full time and 13 hr days and he still gets up with my toddler when hes off work and does the breakfast.
Your husband is being ridiculously selfish. Being a SAHM does not mean you are a servant. As far as im concerned being a SAHM entails looking after the children and the house DURING THE TIME your partner is at work. When you are both in the house together the work is shared.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/03/2018 09:02

Bloody hell how depressing.
Why does he treat you so badly OP? You should be getting a lie in at least once a week at the weekend.

What's he like generally?

RoryHatesCoffee · 23/03/2018 09:03

Of course it's not fair.

When both parents are at home, parenting is a shared job.

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