Your child is causing a ruckus during a wedding ceremony. Be honest. Would you remove them pronto?

[HarrietKettle]

I'm not just talking about full on purple-faced crying kind of kicking off, I'm talking about making any noise, that is distracting, grizzling, or shouting out. Or what some parents might call 'just babbling'.

Obviously it's mega-hard to convey to a toddler that quiet means actual silence, I totally get that. And yes it's cute when they make their little noises or exclaim enthusiastically but not when I'm actually reciting my wedding vows.

I've said no children in my wedding ceremony and, preferably during the speeches, which they'll find boring (wait, I've made provisions for this!) and it's causing raised eyebrows. My nephew will be just two. He's cute. He's very funny. Everyone dotes on him. He's quite rambunctious and vocal. I've been assured he 'won't cry'. I have three other cousins around a similar age and I'm sure their parents will say the same thing, that if they kick up a fuss they'll be 'taken out'.

But will they? Because in my experience unless it's a full on meltdown the parents really don't consider it a distraction and will just jiggle them on their knees a bit and beam around the room.

My provision for the five or so young children that will be attending the day is, a nice little room in the hotel, with a qualified nanny in it, iPads, toys, sweets, colouring books. The only time I'm going to absolutely insist they remain in there is for the 20 or so minute ceremony. This has caused a bit of 'how can you not want your own nephew to watch you get married?' from my brother and a 'I'm not very happy leaving my child with a total stranger' from SIL. The consensus from them is that it's 'sad' not to appreciate the joy children can bring to a wedding that's at a really not-child-friendly- hotel with marble floors and stone steps and no outside space. The other parents don't know about any of this yet.

So, AIBU to think that any child noise in a ceremony is distracting and it's fine not to be on board with that? The inevitable scuffling out of the row and towards the doors at the back of a small child has indeed reached the point where it can be deemed a meltdown is distracting also, and, yes I know I should one of those relaxed brides that just titters and smiles beatifically, but I just won't be, I'll be pissed off.

I don't think it's unreasonable as it's your wedding. They should feel lucky children have been invited at all because some people might just say no for the whole thing (I would to young kids, they're not fun to keep quiet and still and don't care what's happening). If your sister in law is unhappy then maybe she should go with her child for the brief time you don't want them there. If they're unhappy then they're free to not attend, it's not their wedding.

Also my child is two and definitely wouldn't care about anyone getting married. He's guaranteed to have several tantrums across the day, and they'd definitely have to let him wander during your vows or he'd get upset. That's just what toddlers do.

Oh god. The gifted line!! There's no hope.

Gifted

New neighbour told friend and I earnestly that her son couldn't possibly go to the local primary as they were unlikely to be able to deal with his amazing sporting prowess. He is 2. My friend and I who both had older primary aged kids nodded and had to not look at each other.

I would be mortified if my kids interrupted someone's wedding vows. I think your idea with the Nanny and room is absolutley fantastic HarrietKettle Its also very thoughtful. If I was attending I would be so grateful for that as my kids would be entertained and I would also be able to enjoy the wedding without being distracted. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't take up that offer to be honest, it's much better than "no kids allowed whatsover"

apparently even at the very tender age of 24 months he will remember the day as I have been told he'd rather gifted

Of course he is.

To answer your original question ... it would depend on what I thought the bride and groom wanted. If I thought my presence was more important than a bit of babbling, and if it wasn't bothering them, then no, I'd stay in there. If I knew the noise was going to piss them off, then yes, I'd take the child out.

We've taken DS out of a Christening and a funeral - not because he was crying or screaming, but because he was making too much noise. At the Christening, which was mutual friends, we took it in turns to be outside with him. At the funeral, which was one of my relations, DH stayed outside.

Both occasions the organisers had made it clear that kids were welcome - there were toys laid on in the ceremony room, a space for kids to run about and play etc (I certainly wouldn't have taken him to a funeral otherwise) - but in both cases we felt like DS would be happier outside where he could make as much noise as he wanted without disturbing anyone.

I disagree that any child noise will be distracting - I think all the services I've been to have been improved by kids (with reasonable parents) making happy kid noises. However, it's your wedding - I don't think YABU to say that's what you want, and if SiL doesn't want to leave her child with a stranger, it's up to her to make other provision.

My DH's brother's son (ie he's my nephew now that DH and I are married!) babbled / shrieked all the way through our wedding vows. He was 18 months old or thereabouts. At one
point I turned around and gave my new SIL and BIL a pleading look but they just shrugged and smiled back. I couldn't hear DH say his vows and I couldn't even hear myself think clearly, as they were sitting in the front row of the church just a couple of feet away from us. The only part of the wedding that I acutally gave a fuck about is the part I couldn't hear and therefore cannot remember or cherish. I still resent them for ruining my wedding - and yes, they did ruin it. Selfish fuckers.

Nephew is at uni now and is a spoiled, indulged nightmare.

Oh and OP, your plan to lay on a nanny, toys, iPad etc is fantastic, kind and generous. I really hope you have a wonderful wedding!

20 years ago when a child interupted a wedding everyone had a giggle and if it was on camera Jeremy Beadle would hand out £250. Now it will 'ruin' the wedding. Do people just get married for the 'perfect' wedding. I got married for a marraige and we had lots of loud crazy kids enjoying themselves. Actually all well behaved through ceremony and meal...i think as I had my eyes on my gorgeous hubby the whole time.

No. I got married nearly 20 years ago because th vows meant something to me. But I couldn't hear my husband saying his vows because of a toddler screaming. It wasn't funny.

I think you have struck a very fair compromise if you know it is something that'll worry you. I'd just leave it at, no kids in the ceremony,, here is a room and a nanny if you want to use it, if not, feel free to stay out and use the room yourselves.
I bet they all use at least the room and plenty will leave the kids there on and off too.

Yes, I’d take my dd out straight away and have done so twice.

When we’ve taken her to weddings we’ve sat at the back and agreed that one of us (whoever is less close to the B&G) will whisk her out if she starts making noise. Regardless of whether it’s happy noise or screaming, I don’t want her to be disrupting anything.

Saying that, I wouldn’t have minded at all if kids had made noise at my wedding as I was so caught up in the wedding itself.