Your child is causing a ruckus during a wedding ceremony. Be honest. Would you remove them pronto?

[HarrietKettle]

I'm not just talking about full on purple-faced crying kind of kicking off, I'm talking about making any noise, that is distracting, grizzling, or shouting out. Or what some parents might call 'just babbling'.

Obviously it's mega-hard to convey to a toddler that quiet means actual silence, I totally get that. And yes it's cute when they make their little noises or exclaim enthusiastically but not when I'm actually reciting my wedding vows.

I've said no children in my wedding ceremony and, preferably during the speeches, which they'll find boring (wait, I've made provisions for this!) and it's causing raised eyebrows. My nephew will be just two. He's cute. He's very funny. Everyone dotes on him. He's quite rambunctious and vocal. I've been assured he 'won't cry'. I have three other cousins around a similar age and I'm sure their parents will say the same thing, that if they kick up a fuss they'll be 'taken out'.

But will they? Because in my experience unless it's a full on meltdown the parents really don't consider it a distraction and will just jiggle them on their knees a bit and beam around the room.

My provision for the five or so young children that will be attending the day is, a nice little room in the hotel, with a qualified nanny in it, iPads, toys, sweets, colouring books. The only time I'm going to absolutely insist they remain in there is for the 20 or so minute ceremony. This has caused a bit of 'how can you not want your own nephew to watch you get married?' from my brother and a 'I'm not very happy leaving my child with a total stranger' from SIL. The consensus from them is that it's 'sad' not to appreciate the joy children can bring to a wedding that's at a really not-child-friendly- hotel with marble floors and stone steps and no outside space. The other parents don't know about any of this yet.

So, AIBU to think that any child noise in a ceremony is distracting and it's fine not to be on board with that? The inevitable scuffling out of the row and towards the doors at the back of a small child has indeed reached the point where it can be deemed a meltdown is distracting also, and, yes I know I should one of those relaxed brides that just titters and smiles beatifically, but I just won't be, I'll be pissed off.

Minor toddler noise, is fine. But, anything that is distracting is not, and yes, I would remove a child straight away. Ie. I would tolerate the noise of a toddler quietly playing with a toy, but any shouting, continuously talking, running around etc, is not acceptable.

I don't get these people that say kids make a wedding. No they don't, it's not a kids event, it's a serious ceremony that I'm sure most kids couldn't give a fuck about.

Someone fainted during our vows and had to be taken out and I didn’t notice!

My niece did an enormous fart during the vows at someone's wedding once! Not something the parent can predict or quiet down!

I'd be absolutely fine with it OP. Actually it would be quite nice as I would get to concentrate on the ceremony and speeches rather than listening out for noise from little ones or trying to keep them distracted. The stranger thing wouldn't bother me either if as you say they are a qualified child carer - dd goes to nursery full time and I don't know all the staff there!

When I got married (second wedding with lots of kids) there was one toddler being almost smothered by his mother in an attempt to make him quiet. She didn't know us well and presumably didn't want to make the scene of walking out. It was awful as he was clearly distressed and we couldn't hear a thing.
I leant forward to the registrar and whispered 'could the little children come to the front to see?'. She made the suggestion and lots of them did, some with a parent. If was lovely and everyone was silent.
I'd seen the same thing done at Christenings before. It certainly worked for us.

I wouldn't be happy leaving a toddler with a nanny I didn't know. My 5 year old I happily would as long as she wasn't the only child there.
I would completely understand though, and be pleased you had invited the kids and made arrangements rather than just saying 'no kids allowed' for the whole wedding.

If I was invited with an under 5ish child I would probably offer to wait with the children during that time, and if you made a fuss at that I would think that was unreasonable, but I absolutely wouldn't mind you not wanting kids there as long as you weren't insisting I left them with a stranger to attend myself.

I took my niece out during my brother's ceremony as she was becoming a distraction. Missed the 'i do '

I banned kids from my wedding because if what happened at my best friend's. Her niece was lower-primary school age, and kept repeating the vows after the priest. Because the rest of the congregation laughed and indulged it, her mum did nothing and she got worse - she's audible in the wedding video, talking over the responses over the vows, being a distraction and generally a pain in the arse. My friend will never get those special moments back.

YANBU. I have no idea why relatives feel it's more important for them to be there watching, than for the actual ceremony to be how the bride and groom want it.

I looked - lovely idea, and it involves the children.

Absolutely and have done.

You need to accept that it's your wedding day. But someone's kids are more important to that person than your wedding.

I would choose to miss a wedding ceremony rather than leave my 2yo with a stranger.

So I am 100% on board with kids free weddings, but the couple getting married needs to realise it likely means I wont attend.

'No they don't, it's not a kids event, it's a serious ceremony that I'm sure most kids couldn't give a fuck about.'

Completely agree!

Thing is once the ruckus has started even if the parents take them out there's all the clattering about getting up and out, making other guests stand up etc.
Best not to risk it in the first place.

I wouldn’t have left my children with a stranger, qualified nanny or not.

So banning them from wedding and speeches would have meant either DH or I would have missed them too. We wouldn’t have moaned about this though, but quietly raised eyebrows.

My twins attended a wedding at 18 months, another at 2 yo and 3 yo. They didn’t make a peep but yes we would have taken them out if they had.

It’s your wedding and therefore your choice but IME adults make just as much noise coughing, shuffling, talking etc as the odd toddler.

Be prepared though that none of the parents might be prepared to leave their children with a stranger and therefore will miss wedding and speeches.

One nanny for 7 (?) toddlers won’t be enough by the way, if it’s that many your need two.

To be honest I have been tempted to say 'no children' at all all day. I really don't think they'll get a lot out of the day! But the problems it would cause abs the grief I'd get, its better to try and reach some sort of compromise.

My DD was about 9 months old at my cousin's wedding, she began babbling in the ceremony and my DH took her to the back and watched from the doorway. I don't think it was a loud noise but it was somewhat distracting. I just think it's polite to keep the ceremony quiet.

There is nothing worse than a parent smiling fondly at a child who's ruining it for everyone else.

Parents have no concept of their children’s noise / actions at weddings. So many ceremonies you can’t hear due to babies grizzling, toddlers babbling etc.

Re the separate room, my friend had one of these, several parents expressed concern: ‘little bob won’t be happy without me’, ‘Susan willl prefer to sit quietly and listen to speechs’. It worked brilliantly, the children LOVED it all of them pretty much sprinted in there and didn’t want to leave. They also had an iPad setup outside with video link so you could see the children if you wished without disturbing them. They also had food in there too.

Take the sweets out of it and I think it sounds great op.

But tbh I wouldn't leave my two year old anywhere where they were likely to be stuffed with sweets to keep them occupied!

I would also question how old these dc were - leaving my two year old with one nanny and one other two year old, one three year old and two older dc - fine. Leaving him with one nanny who has him and four other under two's - no.

I would remove mine, and always sit at the back ready to leave for exactly that reason. I also shamelessly feed them chocolate buttons to keep them quiet if they start fidgeting.

By experience, most people don't, they think their children are adorable. They really are not.

My brother and SIL are absolutely the sort of parents that would laugh and smile at the room indulgently whilst my nephew claps and makes random noises.

I'd like to say I wouldn't be, but if that happened during the ceremony I would be seething.

I absolutely would remove my child if they started making noise during a wedding ceremony (and have done, even though the bride said afterwards there'd been no need, I doubt she'd have said that if DS had babbled loudly throughout her wedding video!).

Have to say my kids were/are generally pretty good at being very quiet during these things, as I prepare them for it and remind them to be quiet when it starts. Though baby DS1 did once remain silent until the vicar asked if anyone knew any reason why the couple shouldn't be married etc... Then he said 'No!' loudly, which sounded worse as you could hear a pin drop . The vicar laughed and said 'Babies don't count', everyone else laughed, and he went back to being silent, thank goodness!

I would have taken mine straight out if they started babbling, but you're right, a lot of people won't unless they're full on crying. Or it's the 4/5/6th time they've talked, by which time it's too late.

Your plan sounds very reasonable. A lot of parents will say they won't leave their child with a stranger but once they're there and they meet her and see that the other kids are fine they'll probably change their mind. If not, that's their choice.

I have been to events where there was a "children room" so the adults could have peace and quiet. There were 2 nannies (or nursery workers getting extra cash), a tv, some toys, it always worked really well.
Unfortunately, you cannot guarantee that little Timmy will be allowed to mix with the other children, and that he won't be a pest during your ceremony because his mummy knows best and chidren need to be encouraged to have free expression and mouvements

My DD would sit silently and would be a dream. The demon spawn that is my DS would not. I would just have a blanket ban on kids.