Your child is causing a ruckus during a wedding ceremony. Be honest. Would you remove them pronto?

[HarrietKettle]

I'm not just talking about full on purple-faced crying kind of kicking off, I'm talking about making any noise, that is distracting, grizzling, or shouting out. Or what some parents might call 'just babbling'.

Obviously it's mega-hard to convey to a toddler that quiet means actual silence, I totally get that. And yes it's cute when they make their little noises or exclaim enthusiastically but not when I'm actually reciting my wedding vows.

I've said no children in my wedding ceremony and, preferably during the speeches, which they'll find boring (wait, I've made provisions for this!) and it's causing raised eyebrows. My nephew will be just two. He's cute. He's very funny. Everyone dotes on him. He's quite rambunctious and vocal. I've been assured he 'won't cry'. I have three other cousins around a similar age and I'm sure their parents will say the same thing, that if they kick up a fuss they'll be 'taken out'.

But will they? Because in my experience unless it's a full on meltdown the parents really don't consider it a distraction and will just jiggle them on their knees a bit and beam around the room.

My provision for the five or so young children that will be attending the day is, a nice little room in the hotel, with a qualified nanny in it, iPads, toys, sweets, colouring books. The only time I'm going to absolutely insist they remain in there is for the 20 or so minute ceremony. This has caused a bit of 'how can you not want your own nephew to watch you get married?' from my brother and a 'I'm not very happy leaving my child with a total stranger' from SIL. The consensus from them is that it's 'sad' not to appreciate the joy children can bring to a wedding that's at a really not-child-friendly- hotel with marble floors and stone steps and no outside space. The other parents don't know about any of this yet.

So, AIBU to think that any child noise in a ceremony is distracting and it's fine not to be on board with that? The inevitable scuffling out of the row and towards the doors at the back of a small child has indeed reached the point where it can be deemed a meltdown is distracting also, and, yes I know I should one of those relaxed brides that just titters and smiles beatifically, but I just won't be, I'll be pissed off.

We banned children at our wedding for two reasons: the main reason was that we wanted our friends to be able to let their hair down without worrying about children; and we also didn’t want children making noise and being a distraction as they had been at recent weddings we attended. A couple of close friends did decide they wouldn’t come to our wedding because of the “child ban” which was a shame - but they missed a hell of a good day!!!

We organised a nanny for the day at our wedding reception, which was in my parents garden. She also came to the church so people could go out, leave kids and come back in.
No one flapped about ratios - by the way, there are none for nannying. No one worried about unknown child carers.
The parents who left their kids with her had a great time. So did the kids. They all thanked us for providing the option and allowing everyone to participate, giving them the option to stay locally, not have to worry about overnight childcare etc.

And for the record, yes I would take my kids out swiftly if they chirped. I am not an over indulgent sort of parent who thinks the sun shines out of their arses.

I don't care if people want child-free weddings but claiming it's so 'your friends can let their hair down' is self-serving bollocks. 'Banning' children indeed.

Even when our children are invited I try my best not to take them - children might be sweet for others at a wedding but frankly it's a PITA for me - stressing about them making noise, sitting still etc.

I think your plan is reasonable, but you will need another nanny. One on her own will have her hands full if someone needs a nappy change or falls, bumps herself, etc. And no sweets - toddlers can choke or go a bit bonkers with sugar.

Maybe offer the reluctant parents the chance to talk to the nannies beforehand? Would the nannies be willing to let you forward their phone numbers?

Sounds very much like you do care mooka

dontbesillyhenry what type of person is that, exactly? OP has alternative arrangements for kids, fair play, some people are on here screaming about a 'no kids rule' like the very thought is abhorrent. If you want your friends and family to attend your wedding and they have kids, it's a bit much. Not sure I'd want a screaming kid during the ceremony myself, but to impose an out and out ban on children for the whole day, not sure about that. People do get so very precious about their special day, which I would have thought would be made all the more special by being in the presence of the children you love. Having said that I'm a bridesmaid in the summer and my small boys are attending, panic setting in. Would have been upset if their aunt hadn't invited them though, and if the youngest is loud during the vows, he'll be removed from the venue. I think I'm fairly reasonable here.

Babble is sweet, any more - during the ceremony is disruptive & I’d take child out. Leave it up to the parents whether they leave child with the child care u arranged. If they don’t want to leave their child, they can take them out for the vows part themselves. The kids (except for newborns) really would be having more fun elsewhere.

I sat near the back and removed both times I took a toddler to a wedding. I was gutted for one of them especially - I minded missing that. But they had a right to say their vows without my child kicking off, and I'd been to too many weddings where parents smiled benignly as their child ruined it for everyone else.

I'd stick to your guns. People simply seem to assume their little darling is the centre of everyone's world. It's infuriating.

Depends on who is getting married - at my friend’s wedding, who happen in to be dd1’s godparents, it was largely no children as they don’t have any themselves. Dd hurt her head on the pew during the ceremony and I took her out immediately on the first cry. If the people getting married had children of their own and there were lots of children there, I may have reacted differently! I know the sound of a child crying/chatting is just background noise to parents but if you don’t have any, it can be pretty intrusive!

we had children at our wedding. They were all quiet -the odd mumbling but nothing I’d be upset with. All parents would be sensible enough to take them out- but I agree this in itself could be distracting.
For the age the children are I think It’s a bit daft saying they can’t believe you don’t want your nephew to watch you get married. Hardly going to remember.
But I also wouldn’t want to leave my child with someone I don’t know. If I was going to a wedding where children were invited I would sit at the back with mine so I’m able to slip out.
We had activity packs with colouring, little toys, sweets etc on the chairs of the children at the wedding meal. I didn’t notice much at the time but there are parts on our wedding DVD where we can’t hear something due to a child making noise (not full blown meltdown).

My nephew's wedding was almost ruined by a child running up and down the aisle; pounding feet are all you can hear on the video! Parents made no attempt to stop her or take her out despite tutting and pointed looks from the other guests. In the end the vicar stopped the ceremony and asked if the little girl could be made to sit down. Her grandmother then took her outside, thank goodness.

No, I don't care, dontbesillyhenry. I don't think children ruin weddings but I think it's up to the couple to decide. Often I enjoy not taking my kids so I can let my hair down but telling me to do it is a sure fire way to irritate. I'll decide when I want to, thanks. However if it's because YOU don't want kids at your wedding, fine, whatever. I just think the word 'ban' is needlessly aggressive about it to be honest.

'Babble is sweet'.
Yes to you, but other people don't think that, especially when the room should be silent.
It's this child-centric attitude, that if you exclude kids from something you're a monster. Come on. Small kids and weddings? Everyone knows they don't mix well.

Stick to your guns. Your wedding, do it your way. I said no children at our wedding, that included nieces, nephews, God children and friends kids. My husband said 'you can't do that'...I did, and everyone had a bloody fabulous day. Some people chose not to come (bit of a protest-I think they thought we'd change our mind) but that was their loss, we never even notice on the day.

The trouble is not the children, it's the parents. My cousin's DH took their DD out of our wedding at the first squeak, SIL let my DN cry through the whole thing.

We've taken our 3DC to a golden wedding blessing and a funeral in the last few years and they were perfectly behaved. Our youngest was 3 at the golden wedding and we basically gave them a serious chat about how important it was to their grandparents that they made them proud and then ensured they were well fed beforehand and took a small toy for him to play with. They knew no noise would be tolerated. They grow up quick though, my 6 year old was old and sensible enough to behave perfectly without requiring distraction, as indeed should any school age NT child.

FWIW I think what you've got planned is sensible and enables people without childcare to attend the wedding. If your SIL doesn't want to leave her child with the nanny then either she or her DH can stay with the child.

I do think that weddings should be child friendly events but that's with the wisdom of age, as a bride I didn't think that at all.

It's your wedding, so it's your rules.

But personally it is one of those ever decreasing occasions when the whole spectrum of generations can get together, so for me personally I would encourage noisy children and unruly grandparents.

The most important thing about your wedding is to expect something to go wrong, laugh when it does and remember what really matters is not getting married, but staying married.

@KittenBeast it's not vitriolic to want your wedding day the way you want it. You shouldn't have to bow down to guests' wishes on your day.

Same rules need not apply to everyone but if the bride and groom want a wedding with no children in attendance at the ceremony, then they should be allowed to have that!

I leant forward to the registrar and whispered 'could the little children come to the front to see?'. She made the suggestion and lots of them did, some with a parent. If was lovely and everyone was silent.

How lovely! @IlookedintheWater

genuis they can't have meant much to you then if you didn't miss them, why bother inviting them? I doubt it was a protest, perhaps they found it difficult to find someone to take care of their children for the day, especially as their families also attended the wedding. Maybe the cost of childcare for however many hours wasn't worth it. Lots of factors. I doubt protest non-attendance.

One of my regrets is having no children at my wedding. I had none of my own and thought they'd spoil my wedding. 17 years on with my own kids I wonder why I was such a brat. Being with friends and family is what it's about. Not having perfection. Just go with the flow. Enjoy being with those who want to share the day with you. Relax. Does it really matter.

I like the sound of you OP. Stick to your guns. If you can't have what you want on your wedding day, when can you?

Definitely stick to your guns. If your brother throws his teddy out the pram, let him. It's not his wedding. If people don't, can't or won't come because it's child free don't take it personally. But definitely don't couch it as some big favour so they can 'let their hair down'.

Babble isn't sweet at a wedding ceremony and most toddlers are just annoying.

fave, maybe not, but some people do seem to be writing quite stampy posts. If for instance the bride of this wedding that I'm a bridesmaid in had told me no kids allowed, although I'm expected to attend, because I'm her SIL, and a bridesmaid, I'd be most pissed off, especially since all my family, and hers and anyone that could look after my children for the day and night who I trusted and wouldn't have to fork out for, would also be at said wedding. What I'm saying is, if someone is that important to you and you really want them there, maybe you shouldn't put a ban on their children at your wedding?

'I do think that weddings should be child friendly events but that's with the wisdom of age, as a bride I didn't think that at all.'

I'm well into middle age and think the couple should decide for themselves. It's their party. They shouldn't have to cater it to children if they don't want.