To want the odd day off as a SAHM?

[AHobbyhorseNamedCandemay]

Hello Mumsnetters
I'm coming to you because you seem to be a down-to-earth lot and I need you to tell me whether I'm being an entitled spoilt brat!

A bit of context, please bear with me..

DC are 1.5 and 3.5, oldest in nursery 2 full days but otherwise my world revolves around them, plus of course the housework and studying.

DP rises every weekday morning at 6am to study before going to work; gets home shortly after 6, helps with the cleaning up, getting kids ready for bed. I generally get up around 7 and think maybe he resents that I'm not pushing myself as much as he pushes himself, given that he does a fair bit around the house (often puts me to shame).

So, he came home last night and made some unwelcome comment about the fact that I hadn't managed to get the kids fed yet (not a common occurrence) and made the point that he gets everything done in his working day PLUS he then has to come home and help me. Made me ever so slightly mad, and I've since been attempting to make him understand that not every day is a picnic and that sometimes its flipping hard work.

Not the first time we've had this discussion which invariably leads me to say I'd like him to take the kids for a few hours on the weekend to give me some time out. He's not willing to do this (he has a short fuse especially with DC3.5 and the two drive each other crazy) and thinks that if I need time away from the kids I should put them both in nursery and go back to work.

I absolutely love being a SAHM and no job could ever take me away from the kids especially at this age so I resent the idea that they should go into care rather than be with me.

These arguments between us often end up making me look ungrateful that I need time away when I have such a great and easy life, when DP has to slog away at work, then come home and help me "do my job" so the idea he then also needs to take the kids on his own while I have a few hours to myself is abominable.

I guess the other thing is, how do I persuade him to spend more time with the kids without me? It should be a pleasure, not a hardship FFS!

So, am a being ungrateful - should I just go back to work so I can have time out? Is he being reasonable not wanting to "work" any harder during the week by taking the kids?
Anything else you're seeing that I'm not? Do I need to start getting up at 6?!

It surely depends on your job, your kids (age, number and characters) and your own personality itself. Some people find working easier, some find being at home easier.

Wow, some of you are really harsh! Just to set the record straight for my own sanity, I never "expect" my DP to do anything when he gets home but to spend a bit of time with our children, which he does, in between getting his own dinner and helping wash up (if needed) and then getting the kids bathed. And I myself don't take a break until everything's done and the kids are in bed.
Normally I feed them around 5 or 5.30 but there was a day, as there sometimes is, that time got away from me.
And finally, I am also doing a degree to better my and my family's future so I don't think my DP gets to have special treatment (and for the record, neither does he).

I came on here looking for another perspective which is certainly what I got, so I want to thank you all for your input. I can see where I need to pull my weight a bit more and and how to redress the balance in some areas and honestly I couldn't have seen it without you!
DP and I are getting along again anyway, but your advice will help it stay that way. He is more than welcome to go out tonight with his friends should he wish, and I am sending him off with the kids tomorrow so I can have some study time.
All's well that end's well!

Queenofmyprincess my job is like yours and i find it tough. But point is op asked for a day off and people suggested going to work
It was also said by people who have never done it that being a working parent is a doddle hence my reply

I thought the mumsnet pov was that if you are a SAHP with a working parent you have both been working all day so when the working parent gets home they pitch in.
And if a SAHP says they do everything they are berated about making a rod for their own back.

Op seems to suggest this is how her marriage works but her dh doesn't like it nor will he give her a few hours at the weekend as he sees looking after his own children is seen as a chore.

Glad you have found a solution that suits you both, OP. I'm afraid all the Stepford wives posting on here have depressed me.

Good update OP

Great update- you are now pulling together as a team, with you both studying, rather than competing. It is hard though, not to fall in the competitive tiredness and busyness trap, I've been in it myself many times.

Oh and thank you to everyone who posted supportive comments. You have renewed my faith! We all need people in our lives to prop us up rather than tear us down so thank you for doing that :)

Btw OP are you married? I notice you say DP.

No not married

It doesn't really matter what posters on here think because really you and your partner aren't happy and you need to talk about it and find a compromise that does make you happy. Having someone online tell you that you should or shouldn't do or accept x,y and z is probably going to make the situation worse.

I work 2 days and look after DC the rest of the week. Those 2 days mean so much in terms of getting a break, having my own money and getting a piece of myself back which then means I have something to give to my DC. He gets to socialise and get out of the house those 2 days too. There's so much more to working than money and perhaps that's the point your husband is trying to make?

None of us know what your standards of cleanliness are like either. One persons idea of clean enough is another persons idea of a total pigsty. Might be worth talking about that to make sure you both have realistic expectations of how tidy the house will be with 2 small children in it.