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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no?

186 replies

AyeAyeFishyPie · 21/03/2018 18:52

I don’t think i am but I need some reassurance!

DH and I moved last summer. We joined the local church and have been regular attendees since. There is a man who seemed very lonely and has sort of latched onto us slightly. He has invited us to a different church (we went), come round unannounced on a saturday lunchtime for company (DH weasn’t here, he came in and had about half a bottle of wine) and invited us to his 70th birthday. He has told us that he has had a criminal conviction, we don’t know what for. He is very open that he struggles for money, but there are mentions of holidays and things which seem extravagant if he is as skint as he suggests he is.

To be clear - I don’t particularly get on with him but I would feel hypocritical going to church and ignoring him.

He has now approached us to be a guarantor for a 2k loan. Apparently the vicar is the other one. We asked for details and said we would think about it. He has now emailed DH with details and a ‘thanks for agreeing to do this’ note. Money makes me anxious so I know I may be being odd but every part of me is saying ‘don’t do it’. However I hate things being awkward.

For context - if he defaulted 2k wouldn’t ruin us, however we have our first baby on the way.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/03/2018 21:45

That's good to hear, Aye, because he's a scam artist. 'We have NOT agreed to this. We do not consent to being a guarantor and will not. Can't be clearer on this but we will not stand guarantor.'

NO 'please' or 'sorry'.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/03/2018 21:50

Don't go to lunch. It builds a relationship (in his head) - he's doing something for you (treating you to lunch) and you're doing something for him, too. Don't get involved in that. And I agree - talk to the vicar.

WineAndTiramisu · 21/03/2018 21:52

Definitely do not do this, there's a reason he has no one else to ask, he's either already conned them, or been turned down.
I very much doubt the vicar has agreed to this either, see what he says when you ask.

I would think he'll back off from the friendship once you turn him down, but I'd start to disengage from him if I were you. Cancel the lunch, either by illness on the day or come up with another excuse

Graphista · 21/03/2018 21:53

Yes I think "obligation theory"? Doing something for someone so they then feel obliged to reciprocate. Also doing "social" things like coffees, lunches, dropping by - to make you feel like it's a friendship.

starzig · 21/03/2018 21:54

Absolutely not. Can you also not end up owing any interest by missed payments too? Stay well clear.

FlashTheSloth · 21/03/2018 21:56

Fuck no! I can't believe you had to ask OP.

clyde5591 · 21/03/2018 22:01

I agree with every other post - Don't do it.
You are being very sensible - when something feels wrong then it usually is.
He sounds a total user.
If needs must go to lunch (he is paying) and afterwards just say you have no money at all and would be in no financial position to be guarantor.
Personally I would not go to the Sunday lunch - there is no such thing as a free lunch - its way to expensive in the long run.

Daifuku9 · 21/03/2018 22:24

Definitely don’t do it; there’s nothing un-Christian about avoiding being conned.
Tell him that you can’t do it as you have a little one on the way and it’s not financially possible.
Sounds like he’s scammed others if he has money to spend on extravagances and holidays.

Schlimbesserung · 22/03/2018 10:40

If you want to get all old-school about it, you are not helping someone if you help them/allow them to commit a sin- you are enabling them to damage themselves. By putting a stop to this, you will be helping him.

DeathStare · 22/03/2018 11:24

Of course you say no. He's pretty much asking you to agree to give him the money. If he asked you to give him £2k would you?

Guaranteeing a loan is the kind of thing people do for close family, and close longstanding friends who they trust implicitly. And sometimes not even then - and that's not unreasonable.

Guaranteeing a loan for a virtual stranger would be madness and he was either very cheeky or a scam artist to even ask you.

Juells · 22/03/2018 11:33

You're pregnant, and he's trying to extract £2000 from you.

What a charming chap.

Trooperslane2 · 22/03/2018 11:34

YWBVVVVU to say yes.

emmyrose2000 · 22/03/2018 11:44

I also wouldn't be comfortable socialising with someone who admits to having a criminal conviction unless I knew what that conviction was for and the circumstances around it

Ditto.

In this case, I wouldn't be surprised if the conviction is for fraud or being a con man, and that's if I'm feeling generous.

LittleMissCantbebothered · 22/03/2018 12:00

OMG do not do this! Ever! For anyone - not even you're own mother.

The loan may be for 2k, but with interest I bet it's more like 4K.

Anyone that needs a guarantor for credit can not afford it.

Motoko · 22/03/2018 12:05

He's lying to you.

  1. Loans don't have 2 guarantors .
  1. If his partner has terminal cancer, they can use the mobility element of their Pip benefit to get a Motorbility car.

Keep that anger going. It will help you to say no to this scammer without guilt. And cancel the lunch.

TempusEejit · 22/03/2018 12:11

Careful he doesn't forge your signature on loan paperwork and use his email to you as evidence that you "agreed" to be his guarantor,

Birdshitbridgegotme · 22/03/2018 12:15

Just say no! U have a baby on the way, this is your priority not if he decides he ain't gonna pay. Or if u really feel bad about saying no make up that u a) have bad credit yourself so u can't stand guarantor or b) u are already guarantor for someone else and so u can't do it for him too

Funnyface1 · 22/03/2018 12:15

I agree with everyone else here. Flat out no, tell the priest and protect yourself from any future dealings with him. I really hope he hasn't already gotten hold of any of your personal details.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 22/03/2018 12:16

Also i could be wrong but don't u only need a garant or if u have bad credit history?

GrannyGrissle · 22/03/2018 12:22

Tell him you are a Christian (other religions available) not a fucking charity.

Marieamy96 · 22/03/2018 12:27

I'm not being funny but he sounds a bit like a con artist. Have you met his partner?

fourandnomore · 22/03/2018 12:28

This is a huge thing to ask someone even if they were family, some random bloke you barely know? Definitely not. I hope you are ok and I definitely would email so there is a record of your response.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/03/2018 12:54

If his partner has terminal cancer, they can use the mobility element of their Pip benefit to get a Motorbility car
I was coming on to say just this! ^^

Tell him to contact the McMillan nurse assigned to his partner and get a free car!!!!
The McMillan nurse should have already gone through all of this with them.
I know because I have a close relative going through this.

Clearoutre · 22/03/2018 13:07

Yes speak to the vicar - doubt he’d want the congregation avoiding church & related functions for fear of being asked inappropriate favours by one of his parishioners.

WiltedDaffs · 22/03/2018 13:08

Unfortunately, there are guarantor loan companies who operate online who don’t even ask for any ID or for guarantors to sign anything. They call it “electronically signing” but really it’s just typing your name in a box on a webpage which anyone can do. A relative did it to us.

Keep an eye on your post and your credit report in case anything shows up. Check all three credit ref agencies, we missed earlier fraud by the same relative because it only got reported to one agency that we weren’t checking. Respond to the email stating that you did not agree (in case he tries to use that email to claim to a company or police that you did) and cut contact.

He’s a scammer preying on your kindness.