Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no?

186 replies

AyeAyeFishyPie · 21/03/2018 18:52

I don’t think i am but I need some reassurance!

DH and I moved last summer. We joined the local church and have been regular attendees since. There is a man who seemed very lonely and has sort of latched onto us slightly. He has invited us to a different church (we went), come round unannounced on a saturday lunchtime for company (DH weasn’t here, he came in and had about half a bottle of wine) and invited us to his 70th birthday. He has told us that he has had a criminal conviction, we don’t know what for. He is very open that he struggles for money, but there are mentions of holidays and things which seem extravagant if he is as skint as he suggests he is.

To be clear - I don’t particularly get on with him but I would feel hypocritical going to church and ignoring him.

He has now approached us to be a guarantor for a 2k loan. Apparently the vicar is the other one. We asked for details and said we would think about it. He has now emailed DH with details and a ‘thanks for agreeing to do this’ note. Money makes me anxious so I know I may be being odd but every part of me is saying ‘don’t do it’. However I hate things being awkward.

For context - if he defaulted 2k wouldn’t ruin us, however we have our first baby on the way.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/03/2018 20:07

Don’t do it

There’s a very good reason he’s latching on to newcomers and at ‘70, and going to a couple of local churches, doesn’t have closer/longer acquainted friends to ask.

Do you want to gift him £2000? If you were to choose to give away £2000 is this how you’d choose to do it?

Ginza · 21/03/2018 20:10

Really, NO, and I would be distancing yourself from him pronto and feeling no guilt about doing so. And I say that as a regular churchgoer who does try to help people out. Helping people out is different from being taken for a mug. This guy is being quite aggressive towards you and trying to force you into a number of things which you are uncomfortable with. He is either mentally unwell or nastily exploitative or both. These are problems which are beyond your ability to solve.

No need for any lunches or social calls: just general chitchat (and then moving on swiftly) whenever you happen to end up at the same church service. You have the same duty to protect yourself as you would have to protect anyone else who was being preyed upon and taken advantage of.

I very much doubt the vicar is actually acting as a guarantor. I would speak to the vicar about this situation and ask for advice in dealing with this man and returning your acquaintanceship with him to a more appropriate footing.

(If the vicar isn't helpful - which is very unlikely - then I would find a different church. Sorry.)

marchonto2018 · 21/03/2018 20:10

I'm an atheist but a huge fan of dave Ramsey. He has a lot to say about this kinda crap.

Apparently the 'borrower is Slave to the lender' and that you (we) are stewards of God's money and this is not a good use of money.

He would advise that you help him write a budget and sell stuff to raise the cash.

Otherwise you're giving an alcoholic a drink!

Graphista · 21/03/2018 20:13

Good point popchyk - op has he ever been left alone in your home with access to mail or electronics?

BugsyMcGee · 21/03/2018 20:15

Do not under any circumstances do this.

Scam alert!!!

After you have said no, watch your credit profile.

DH had a work colleague one who asked this of him, DH said no.
Work colleague one asked work colleague two who also said no.
Fast forward a few weeks, work colleague one is being escorted from the office by the police after gaining access to company records to obtain two's personal details and forging his signature as guarantor on a very large loan. Two only found out because the loan company thought there was something fishy and contacted him before approving the loan.

Never underestimate what some people will do for money.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 21/03/2018 20:15

Not a chance.

PositivelyPERF · 21/03/2018 20:20

No way! Absolutely not! He’s a fly fucker that sounds like a scam artist. His wife should be entitled to a mobility car, if she has terminal cancer.

MrsCrabbyTree · 21/03/2018 20:24

Another NO from me.

And why didn't he ask other church goers, ones that he has known for longer. Seems fishy to me.

ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 21/03/2018 20:26

Is he relatively new to the area? Have you ever met his partner?

It screams con artist to me. Put down a few roots. Make friends in as many places as possible. Try to get money out of them at the same time. Move on, within 2 years of arriving.

Popchyk · 21/03/2018 20:28

Yeah, Graphista, that's true.

OP, do a credit check on yourselves now just in case.

He could already have rooted around your home for paperwork or accessed your computer data the last time he 'popped in unannounced' to your home.

And check that your jewelry/valuables are where you left them as well.

MirriVan · 21/03/2018 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlankTimes · 21/03/2018 20:40

it’s for a car for his partner who has terminal cancer

PIP should give them enough points to have a car on the Motability scheme - no need for anyone to fund this.

Is his record for Fraud?

MrsAJ27 · 21/03/2018 20:42

Absolutely not, he is taking your kindness for weakness

Graphista · 21/03/2018 20:45

Popchyk - the one benefit to relatives who are con artists and gambling addicts - you spot this stuff a mile off!!

Tiredmum100 · 21/03/2018 20:45

No way. Please say no. He shouldn't be asking you in the first place.

CuriousMama · 21/03/2018 20:46

No way!!!

You can say no to lunch don't be silly. Your guilt needs to stop NOW.

CuriousMama · 21/03/2018 20:47

I've been conned before. Leaves a sour taste.

Popchyk · 21/03/2018 20:47

OP, you could google his name and maybe the town or county you are in.

Local press may have covered the crime he was convicted of.

He could have changed his name of course.

loobywench · 21/03/2018 20:59

As BlankTimes said you can get a mobility car with PIP when you have terminal cancer. My husband did so think it's definitely a scam.

Graphista · 21/03/2018 21:11

Yea - may not have changed his name significantly - swapped first and surname, smith to smythe type of thing

Counterpane · 21/03/2018 21:19

From the Experian website:

" ...unless of course the agreement defaulted. In that case, you may well see a default registered on your credit report too and, if payment was still not forthcoming, perhaps a county court judgment as well."

I will add to the chorus of "Don't do it!" As others have said, if his DP has a terminal diagnosis she may be eligible for PIP (if she is over 65 she may not be) or other benefits, which will help towards the cost of a car.

I am not familiar with how being a guarantor works, but I do wonder why this loan needs two lots of unrelated people (yourselves and the Vicar) to support the application? I thought one homeowner would usually be enough.

kaytee87 · 21/03/2018 21:24

If his partner has terminal cancer then she'll be entitled to pip and to lease a car from motability.

This person is a conman, I can't even believe you'd consider agreeing to this.

Ellendegeneres · 21/03/2018 21:34

No. Fucking. Way.

Original poster
AyeAyeFishyPie · 21/03/2018 21:40

I've now got proper angry. We have emailed the admin person for he priest's email. I'm about to draft an email to the guy. So fucked off.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/03/2018 21:41

And do not signpost him to charities or anything. You need to disengage. He comes by unannounced you say at the door, 'Sorry, this is a really bad time and we can't let you in just now.' 'Oh, why not?' 'It's a bad time, don't really want to get into detail, sure you understand.'