Parent Teacher Consultations. Teachers too busy to contact me. AIBU?!

[WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium]

The PT C’s were two weeks ago. They put clip boards out in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get to them to write down what slot you want. This only works for the parents who aren’t at work that morning.

I’m at uni and I work and I have placements. Suffice to say, I’m rarely at the school so I miss this opportunity. Usually this isn’t a problem, I simply call the school and arrange it with the teacher.

Both teachers (two kids, primary school) offered times that I was in training or at work (I can’t get time off for a 15 minute meeting) and I offer a whole bunch of times and days that I can do. They call back (via the woman in the office) and offer a time I’m at work. Helpful.

Nothing since. I’ve called three times and left messages.
I call this morning about it and about my son being in hysterics again about a maths thing. I mention that no one has contacted me yet and got “Yes that’s becuase they are extremely busy.”
Well them and us both! She sounded pissed off.
AIBU?! I’m getting pissed off now.

Dungeon, I'm projecting here because she hasn't said, but I don't think op would have taken annual leave the attend at the correct time.

As I said, if she could have requested annual leave for parents evening then she should have done so. When I worked for the NHS I wouldn't have been able to do this though if had only been given a months notice.

That's sort of become the point of the thread, not the actual details, but the theme running through all of the ops posts that her time is more important than the teachers.

Ironic that to me, the theme running through the post from teachers (I assume) is that their time is more important than anyone elses and that they shouldn't have to put themselves out for anyone under any circumstances even if that person can't request annual leave and saves lives for a living.

Dungeondragon15

She's a student, I don't know whether she currently gets annual leave. What she has stated is that she 'has no intention' of trying to get a shift changed or leaving work for an appointment. Even when she qualifies. And for the last 7 years she has made the school offer her a separate time. So she clearly thinks the school should be working around her, and hasn't actually tried to get the time off.

For context, in my school Parents' Evenings go in the calendar in September and are never earlier than January, so, in my case, I fail to see how the vast, vast majority could fail to at least request the afternoon off.

I accept there are some people where it would be refused or impossible - armed forces, sole proprietors etc., - but the OP seems just not to want to make the effort, but then wants other people to bend over backwards.

She's a student, I don't know whether she currently gets annual leave. What she has stated is that she 'has no intention' of trying to get a shift changed or leaving work for an appointment. Even when she qualifies. And for the last 7 years she has made the school offer her a separate time. So she clearly thinks the school should be working around her, and hasn't actually tried to get the time off.

Well, yes. She clearly doesn't get how things work. As for "making the school offer a different time for seven years" I think the whole system of putting a clipboard out when many parents aren't available to sign could easily lead to misinterpretation. If parents who weren't there then contact the school and are given a different time it could give the impression that the parents evening date isn't set in stone. If all parents are sent a form and asked to indicate times that they are available (at DDs' primary this was on two dates) then it would ultimately probably prevent this from happening. It wouldn't have occurred to me to try and see the teacher at a different time for a general chat. I would have only made an appointment if I had a very specific quite serious concern but I think that would be better outside parents evening anyway.

My friend is a nurse. She can't change her shifts easily. But she can say to the teacher 'my lunch is usually around x-y but you know how life is. Any chance we can try and tally up one day? It's a bit of a bugger for us both, but hopefully we'll catch each other even if it's just for 5 mins'.

What lunch..? My DD is working 13hr shifts and on some days doesn't eat, drink or go to the loo during that time. She's lucky if she gets time to eat a sandwich and drink some water while she's doing something else..! I've no idea how any of them are managing to carry on at the moment..!
I'm with DungeonDragon15 on this one; if the OP is a student, she won't qualify for any annual leave (because the university vacation is classed as her leave).

Oh, and sarky remarks like And for the last 7 years she has made the school offer her a separate time and now I'm throwing a strop don't really tally with OP's perfectly reasonable
Yup. I’m juggling work, placements, uni and kids. I wasn’t there for the clip boards and I wasn’t there for the day they suggested. This has never been a problem in the last 7 years, I don’t understand why it is now

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad

That remark wasn't sarky. It is an accurate reporting of what the OP has said.

Is this really a parallel though? A life threatening emergency now has equal importance with parents evening? You really need to get a grip about this
Exactly. Using a totally uncomparable situation to prove a point doesn't work

If i was getting back from a trip and a child had a family emergency so couldn't be collected then 2 members of staff would probably take the child home and sort he paper work later. (Much like a medic helping in a medical emergency)

The OP's take on Parents' Eve is more alike to 'i want a hairdresser appointment in these hours. I'm so flexible you can have any time suits me because i'm so busy you know'

As many teachers have said on this thread, doing a callback isn't the issue. I'll happily do a callback but the time has to be mutually convenient (which often means a little inconvenient for both but most teachers and parents are sensible and reasonable so make the best of things). The OP doesn't get this, seems to have got her own way for 7 years and is now put out when she can't have her way

If I have an accident or heart attack that requires medical attention I expect to see the on call paramedic/ambulance driver and on duty doctor at the hospital.

If I am arrested and taken to the police cells at 3am I expect to see the on duty lawyer/solicitor if I ask for one.

Is it really so strange that I expect to see people that have agreed to the hours that they work and are contracted (and paid) to do so?

Plus, no one is saying that if there was a fire at 3.30pm they wouldn't try to get the kids out of the building. In an emergency, most people don't stop to think about their job description and hours. This isn't an emergency.

Pretty sure dungeon is the OP.

In an emergency, most people don't stop to think about their job description and hours.
This isn't an emergency.
This ^^

It's not difficult to understand the difference between 'emergency' vs 'expecting people to work beyond their hours when it suits you'

Sorry, but if you can't prioritise your child's education on one night a year, okay, that's your issue, but don't expect me to make time twice.

What a horrendous attitude. How would it hurt to give 10 or 15 minutes immediately before or after school to a parent who, for good reason, can't get an appointment because the school operates a totally ridiculous system for booking them? DSis is a teacher who wouldn't dream of being as jobsworth as this.

GnotherGnu

I don't think you understand me. I am not available every day after school for every parent who couldn't attend Parents' Evening. I am either working on other things (their children's lessons don't plan themselves) or I am looking after my own child. If I am available on a certain day, publicised months in advance, and the parent simply cannot be bothered requesting time off because it is 'only fifteen minutes', I am not going to neglect either my lesson planning or my own child because the parent suddenly decides their child's education is important. I am certainly not going to accept that that is a 'horrendous attitude'. I will always find time to call parents who are polite, apologetic and, like you said, have good reason. The OP doesn't fall into that category.

Haven't RTFT, but why can't this be done by a phone call interview or email?

The teachers should really be more flexible

teaching timetables are not flexible

I offered any time between 8am and 4pm on wednesdays and Thursdays. Or after 4.30 on all the other days.

none of those times would be possible for me, I don't think you realise what hours teachers work, They are not available for extra meetings really .

What a horrendous attitude. How would it hurt to give 10 or 15 minutes immediately before or after school

before school? Well, I am already on my way in on the first bus of the day, there is no earlier bus to get my there for someone who wants to meet me BEFORE I start work

after school? well, I am already struggling to get everything done before the school closes, sometimes so rushed I don't even have time to shut my computer down, certainly no time for a meeting

Haven't RTFT, but why can't this be done by a phone call interview or email?

exactly

Is it really so strange that I expect to see people that have agreed to the hours that they work and are contracted (and paid) to do so?

but they are not contracted or paid to SEE YOU in those hours, are they, they are contracted and paid to do other things

Is it really so strange that I expect to see people that have agreed to the hours that they work and are contracted (and paid) to do so?

If you want to talk about contracts, my contracted hours are 8.30am until 3.30pm Monday-Friday (PT for me) plus a certain number of meetings which need to be in the diary upfront, like Parents' Evening. I am not available to see anyone during those hours unless my school wants to get me cover, or outwith those hours unless I want to give up my own time. I will see people if I have time, but it is absolutely not a contractual obligation.

Gnother,

I think attitude is - possibly wrongly - a big part of this.

A parent who says 'I have never come to a Parents' evening because my commitments are too important; therefore you must fit within certain hours that fit in with me regardless of how inconvenient / impossible they are to you' is likely to be met with a less flexible response that 'I'm really sorry, I have tried my hardest but I can't make it to the normal Parents' Evening this year even though I normally do; is there any chance that we could try to find a mutually convenient time - when would work for you? Or we could have a phone conversation or catch up by e-mail - what might work best?'

It will also depend on a parent's normal attitude / approach, just because we are all human. If for 7 years this parent has always been the last in with reply slips, the first to complain when a book isn't changed, the most accusatory when a jumper is lost, the most frequently late to pick up their child, the one who never reads with their child ... then we are likely to be very slightly less sympathetic than if this is a normally polite, reasonable, occasionally forgetful but apologetic parent. It probably shouldn't be so, but like all human relationships, a little give and take on both sides smooths the way when a favour is requested.

But that isn't this parent, is it, can't? She's perfectly prepared to see the teacher within working hours.

My contracted working hours are 9.30-5.30 on weekdays, no bank holidays. I was still working yesterday and Friday because someone was depending on me. That's the reality of working in any responsible job. So I can't get too worked up about a teacher being asked to spend 15 minutes seeing a parent at 3 p.m.

The thing is, the times OP has offered are SO restricted that it is quite possible that the teacher is in meetings or with children - e.g. running an after school club, which most of us do IME - for all the times offered.

There doesn't seem to be any 'what times can the teacher do, I will try my best to make myself available' here, unless I've missed it?

Gnother,

At 3pm, I am teaching. At 3.30 pm, I am with children or in a meeting at least 3 days out of 5. At 4.30 pm, I am often with my own children. At 9.30 pm, I am at my desk, working - and quite frequently e-mailing and occasionally ringing parents with whom I have agreed that is the best way to communicate.

Primary teacher here. Yanbu.

You have given a very broad range of times. Our head would insist that talking to parents was a big priority. Indeed, teachers have to account for every parent they havent seen at parents evening. School super proactive chasing parents who don't come to parents evenings, and head will often hit the phone to call parents we don't see.

Bit of a pain to have to squeeze a ten minutes chat in at 8am or 3.30 or whatever, but really not the end of the world as some here are suggesting. At my place priority would certainly be given to seeing a parent over ten min of a staff meeting.

The clipboard thing is ridiculous.

A parent who says 'I have never come to a Parents' evening because my commitments are too important; therefore you must fit within certain hours that fit in with me regardless of how inconvenient / impossible they are to you' is likely to be met with a less flexible response that 'I'm really sorry, I have tried my hardest but I can't make it to the normal Parents' Evening this year even though I normally do; is there any chance that we could try to find a mutually convenient time - when would work for you? Or we could have a phone conversation or catch up by e-mail - what might work best?'
This x 1000.

If a parent is genuinely in a pickle then we both try to find a time which suits (and often it's a tad inconvenient for both).

If a parent tells me 'I can't do parents eve, haven't been for 7 years, i'm so busy and important, you should fit around me and then complain when their stupidly difficult preferences aren't accommodated', I'm inclined to roll my eyes and leave a message for reception to pass on e.g. Mrs pops has said your child is good at... needs to work on...

The thing is, the times OP has offered are SO restricted

But they aren't! Any time between 8 and 4 for two days a week, or after 4.30 on other days. And if that isn't doable, it wouldn't hurt the teacher to reply and say what is.