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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent Teacher Consultations. Teachers too busy to contact me. AIBU?!

215 replies

WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium · 21/03/2018 11:27

The PT C’s were two weeks ago. They put clip boards out in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get to them to write down what slot you want. This only works for the parents who aren’t at work that morning.

I’m at uni and I work and I have placements. Suffice to say, I’m rarely at the school so I miss this opportunity. Usually this isn’t a problem, I simply call the school and arrange it with the teacher.

Both teachers (two kids, primary school) offered times that I was in training or at work (I can’t get time off for a 15 minute meeting) and I offer a whole bunch of times and days that I can do. They call back (via the woman in the office) and offer a time I’m at work. Helpful.

Nothing since. I’ve called three times and left messages.
I call this morning about it and about my son being in hysterics again about a maths thing. I mention that no one has contacted me yet and got “Yes that’s becuase they are extremely busy.”
Well them and us both! She sounded pissed off.
AIBU?! I’m getting pissed off now.

OP posts:
WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 19:02

And some of those professions will charge for their time. God forbid that teachers would!

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 22/03/2018 19:04

OP you're getting a pasting here - no idea why, when it's obvious that most of the people bashing you have no idea what it's like working in the NHS. My DD is a nurse, and has to give three months notice of any leave required - which isn't much help when schools often give a couple of weeks notice of parents evening, plays, summer fetes etc... The idea of just 'swapping shifts' when rotas are set 6 weeks in advance (& have to have specified numbers of SRNs and students on each shift) is risible.
I think that you've been more than reasonable in the times that you've offered - and that any teacher on this thread that wants suitably qualified nurses to be looking after their DC if they are sick (and to not just 'have popped out for half an hour' when it's time to take observations, give medication etc) needs to give their head a wobble. And yes, I've got family and friends who are teachers, so I'm well aware of the pressures on them.

WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 19:04

I think that teachers get penalised partly due to the emotive fact that they're dealing with other people's children. Because those children are (presumably) the most important thing to their own parents, it is assumed that teachers feel the same way about them, and it's cruel and heartless for them to treat their job as a money-earning necessity.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/03/2018 19:05

Username198

Lawyers and accountants don't, Doctors I admit is a generic term, so lets specify GP.

And I said "their hours" not "normal hours".

Username198 · 22/03/2018 19:05

But not any extra than they would during normal working hours and the staff won't usually be paid any overtime.

Username198 · 22/03/2018 19:07

BoneyBackJefferson

Accountants and Lawyers definitely do.

WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 19:07

Yes, I want suitably qualified medics looking after me; I also want a good mechanic to service my car, a competent heating engineer to fix my boiler and s hit-hot lawyer to plead my case in court.
What does that have to do with me working overtime for nothing to suit their agendas? Sure as hell they wouldn't.

SunnyCoco · 22/03/2018 19:08

Hmmmmm I wonder why teachers struggle to get public support! God the attitudes on here. Nobody else works as hard eh

WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 19:10

Nobody else works as hard eh

And where has anyone said that? Oh that's right, they haven't.

MaisyPops · 22/03/2018 19:16

Nobody else works as hard eh
Except nobody has said that.
Thr only person acting like their job is the most important job on earth is the OP.

Many teachers have said they would call back but thr time has to be mutually convenient, not 'this is what suits me, school should jump and meet my demands'

seamstress
My friend is a nurse. She can't change her shifts easily. But she can say to the teacher 'my lunch is usually around x-y but you know how life is. Any chance we can try and tally up one day? It's a bit of a bugger for us both, but hopefully we'll catch each other even if it's just for 5 mins'.

The crucial part is that if no time is perfectly ideal for both people then there's probably going to be some meet in the middle and an understanding that it can be tricky to get things to match up.
The OP doesn't get that. They've stated their times and have decided they couldn't possibly budge at all on anything because no other job or course is as important as theirs.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/03/2018 20:10

Username198

then you have had different experiences to me.

Dungeondragon15 · 22/03/2018 20:20

They were suitable for the OP. Not the teacher. Hence the entire thread.

I didn't realised that they had stated those times would never be suitable. I got the impression that they just kept offering appointment times and hadn't necessarily OP's situation into account. If they can't ever do those hours then they should say so.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/03/2018 20:26

Suitable for the teacher would be parents evening. The days/evenings specifically set aside by the school, with notification well in advance.

Dungeondragon15 · 22/03/2018 20:32

Suitable for the teacher would be parents evening. The days/evenings specifically set aside by the school, with notification well in advance.

Even if it is in advance not everyone can get time of work. If a parent has a particular issue that needs to discussing they should be able to make an appointment with the teacher at another time. I'm pretty sure that the schools my children have been to would have done this.

WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 20:35

Exactly, arethereanyleftatall. You psych yourself up for parents evenings, by getting your crib sheets/reports ready, get "in the zone" with what you're needing to cover, you've pored over assessment data so you're totally up-to-date with the relative performance levels of various groups and so forth. The trays of workbooks are tidy and you have recent anecdotes at the forefront of your mind. You lose that momentum when you're then expected to see parents at random times (of their choosing) after school in subsequent weeks.

I'm not suggesting that it's impossible, or that teachers aren't professional enough to be able to cope with it. But it's a pain, although we do it anyway.

WowLookAtYou · 22/03/2018 20:36

And that is different from seeing a parent about a particular issue that has arisen.

MaisyPops · 22/03/2018 20:36

Dungeondragon15
Many of us would do a call back. That isn't the issue.

The issue is having someone decide their time is so important that the whole world should revolve around them and then sounding like a bit of an arse when it can't happen (by going on again about how super important their time is - a bit like a parent I called who would call school during thr day but when we called her would go mad because 'I'm at work. You should NOT be calling me.)

The OP is essentially saying i know the hairdressers is open 9-5pm but I can do any time from 6am-830am and then 6-10pm. Bloody hairdressers. They haven't bothered to give me an appointment. I've even told them when I'm free'

Username198 · 22/03/2018 20:36

Parents might have fewer problems attending if parents evening was actually in the evening! Ours finished before 6pm.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/03/2018 20:37

they should be able to make an appointment with the teacher at another time.

Yes, they should. At a mutually convenient time - ie not one that the parent dictates, but one when both parties are available, which may well be brief and requiring compromise on both sides.

MaisyPops · 22/03/2018 20:38

Yes, they should. At amutuallyconvenient time - ie not one that the parent dictates, but one when both parties are available, which may well be brief and requiring compromise on both sides.
This ^ Smile
So many people have said this on this thread.

It makes you thankful that most parents are lovely and full of common sense.

Dungeondragon15 · 22/03/2018 21:04

Yes, they should. At a mutually convenient time - ie not one that the parent dictates, but one when both parties are available, which may well be brief and requiring compromise on both sides.

The parent i.e. OP hasn't dictated a time though and if anyone is not attempting to find a mutually agreed time it is the teacher. OP has given a wide range of times that they are available. The teacher is the one who has dictated a time by then coming back with one time that wasn't in the range stated by OP. This could be because they can never meet during that time but if that's the case they should say so and preferably give more than one time when it is possible. I would imagine that it is possible to miss lectures (if the lecturer is notified in advance) but not placement. As it is it is not clear if OP's times are just being ignored.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/03/2018 21:07

@maisypops
Most parents are nice, have massive respect for teachers and think they're fabulous. These are the quiet 99%.
Then there's some twats. These are the noisy 1%, who would whinge about everything, and nothing is good enough for them.
You can't take it personally, you'd cry!

Pengggwn · 22/03/2018 21:09

Dungeondragon15

But the issue with that is obvious: they can't do the times suggested by the OP because their workload doesn't allow for that, and they either can't or aren't willing to do other times (their own time). But, because Parents' Evening was scheduled and the teacher attended, they aren't obligated to supply a time from outside their working hours, and if a time inside their working hours isn't available, that is the risk the OP took when she didn't request time off to attend Parents' Evening. Why should the teacher have to compensate for that with her own time?

cantkeepawayforever · 22/03/2018 21:21

Parents might have fewer problems attending if parents evening was actually in the evening! Ours finished before 6pm.

That one is really difficult to resolve.

Remember that the vast majority of teachers won't be able to go home before Parents' Evening.

Therefore, the evenings are usually contiguous with the school day - e.g. 3.30 to 6 or 6.30 is common.

To make Parents' Evenings genuinely evenings e.g. 5 - 7.30 or later is great for working parents of older children (not so great for younger ones, or those with younger siblings) but gives a 12 hour working day (with nearly 2 hours of 'trapped' time) for most teachers.

It's a real balancing act, which schools resolve in different ways.

Dungeondragon15 · 22/03/2018 21:23

But the issue with that is obvious: they can't do the times suggested by the OP because their workload doesn't allow for that, and they either can't or aren't willing to do other times (their own time).

It's not obvious. For all we know they could just be giving out times without taking any notice of when the parent is available. If they can't do any of the times that OP has stated they should say so and give more than one time that they will be available.

*that is the risk the OP took when she didn't request time off to attend Parents' Evening.

So it now OP's fault for doing a job that involves saving lives and doesn't give annual leave without about three months notice.Hmm

Why should the teacher have to compensate for that with her own time?

With that attitude, if you are a teacher I hope you don't expect health care professionals to put themselves out too much if you or your family need medical help.