Parent Teacher Consultations. Teachers too busy to contact me. AIBU?!

[WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium]

The PT C’s were two weeks ago. They put clip boards out in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get to them to write down what slot you want. This only works for the parents who aren’t at work that morning.

I’m at uni and I work and I have placements. Suffice to say, I’m rarely at the school so I miss this opportunity. Usually this isn’t a problem, I simply call the school and arrange it with the teacher.

Both teachers (two kids, primary school) offered times that I was in training or at work (I can’t get time off for a 15 minute meeting) and I offer a whole bunch of times and days that I can do. They call back (via the woman in the office) and offer a time I’m at work. Helpful.

Nothing since. I’ve called three times and left messages.
I call this morning about it and about my son being in hysterics again about a maths thing. I mention that no one has contacted me yet and got “Yes that’s becuase they are extremely busy.”
Well them and us both! She sounded pissed off.
AIBU?! I’m getting pissed off now.

glitterelf

I totally get that, and for someone like yourself I will make more effort. I am not unreasonable. But entitled arseholes who tell me I must find a time convenient for them? No.

So, possibly 10 random extra appointments outside of the actual parents evening, plus a few extra for those who can't possibly sit in the same room as an ex for 10 minutes. With the exception of abuse cases, where the Head will sanction special arrangements, we don't as a rule provide extra appointments for separated parents. In my current class, there are 18 split parents how could we possibly cater for that?

“Entitled arsehole” ?

Because I’ve been in full time work or training to be a children’s nurse?

What a cunt that I am.

'Full time work' LIKE THE TEACHERS ARE.

LIKE TEACHERS ARE.

Quite.

Hence my want for compromise.

WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium

You have no respect for the fact that the teacher also has a full time job, and has already offered you the time she had to make available for this. I'm not saying you're a cunt.

But you aren't compromising!!! #bangsheadagainstbrickwall
You are giving times convenient to you and your work, and expecting her to work outside hers.

All schools aren't like this,many can and do support separated and working parents with parents evening appointments at other times,they don't all view struggling parents as entitled. Many welcome with open arms interested parents. Ours does.

If the op approached her child's teacher re his upset with maths I'll wager discussion time would be found. Primary schools differ to secondary and at the end of the day a child's welfare should be the main focus.

The op has rang several times,she has said her child is upset. It isn't the secretary's job to act as a go between and the class teacher should have got in touch by now.

Some people really do struggle to understand how inflexible teaching can be. If your offer of hours you can be contacted each week conflict with the teacher's timetable they literally cannot do anything about it.

Secondary is easier in some ways because PPA time is more spread out that most primary teachers' PPA time so it is usually possible to speak to / come in for a meeting at a mutually convenient time.

You have given the hours you are available, but you haven't mentioned the hours the teachers suggested (unless I've missed it). If they said "I can only be contacted between 9.15 and 9.17pm every other Thursday" then of course they are being unreasonable.

The booking system for PE is crap though. Were there no slots left by the time you knew about it?

I would assume its hard to know what's convenient for the teacher as... You know... She hasn't bothered to get in contact with the OP.

OP - I'm afraid you can't win with this on Mumsnet.

The suggestion that teachers should act like any other profession on the planet and get their own heads out of their arses will fall on deaf ears.

I totally get that, and for someone like yourself I will make more effort. I am not unreasonable. But entitled arseholes who tell me I must find a time convenient for them? No
Pretty much my view.
Reasonable parent, I'll bend over backwards to try and make something work. Reasonable parents accept it can be awkward finding a mutually convenient time but, be virtue of being reasonable, we manage something. We both accept it's not ideal and make the best of it.

Someone informing me that I must work outside my hours and contact them prompty at a time they have decided and expecting me to tailor my work around them (because their time and work os so much more important than anyone else's) kills my willingness.

headintheproverbial

You are quite right, Doctors, Lawyers, Surveyors, Accountants all make appointments outside of their hours.

Except that they don't and you are talking out of your arse.

headintheproverbial

Okay. So, please tell us what your GP said last time you said you needed an appointment at 6pm? Or what your solicitor said when you said you couldn't come to their offices, you needed them to come to you. All professions have core hours of work. Teachers' core hours are usually 8.30am-3.30pm, with meetings sometimes later than that. They get two hours (usually) protected time in the week. TWO HOURS in which to plan, mark and administrate for the other 23 hours of teaching. And that is it. If they are calling you inside school hours, it is at the expense of something else important. If outside school, they are doing it on their own time. So, how did that conversation with the GP go down?

The suggestion that teachers should act like any other profession on the planet and get their own heads out of their arses will fall on deaf ears.
The only person with their head up their arse is the OP who seems to think their time and job is more important than anyonr else's and their situation is so unique that no other parent could possibly have had to make arrangements.

Many teachers on this thread (me included) have said we would do a follow up call.
We just have an issue with someone saying 'my time is so important you should drop everything, contact me promptly but only at these times when it suits me'.

Would thr OP ring the GP and say 'i want a telephone appointment or a call back for DC but actually stuff your diary, call me at these times only and I'm not budging becausr MY job is more important than yours'? Of course not. It has to be MUTUALLY convenient.

Or my car has an issue and is drivable but the garage has to take it either this Monday from 9-12 & on a Thursday. Stuff what else you have on or other cars you're fixing. I'm too busy ahd need my car the rest of the week and if you don't fit me in then I'll throw a strop

And of course, it's parents like this that have made schools less inclined than previously to bend over backwards to accommodate such demands requests.

Absolutely wow.
I worked at a school where parents would call the office to complain if staff haven't replied to their email within the morning probably the same parents who would also complain if the teacher so much as went on the computer to take the register in their Dc's lesson

There's always a minority who have to be demanding and unreasonable.

Thankfully most parents are sensible and reasonable.

ROFL @headintheproverbial

Don't be so silly. Can you imagine what the op wants in any other scenario

'Hi, I know your shop closed at 4pm, but that wasn't convenient for me, I demand you open it now at 7pm, as I'm free now. I don't mind 8pm either, as a compromise.'

'Hi, the bus timetable says 7am, but actually I need the bus to leave at 7.25am. I work, you see.'

'Yes, I know the swimming lesson was at 5pm, but I wasn't ready then. You'll have to do it now the pools closed at 6pm. Or 6.40pm as a compromise.'

Etc etc to every other profession

arethereanyleftatall

I know you don't open on Christmas Day but what you need to understand is I really need to do a top up shop. I work you see so couldn't possiblt arrange my life around a well publicised closure.

John Lewis, I know you only open at 9am but I really need a refund on my food processor because I bought it and then changed my mind, and I need you to open for me at 7.30. It's only once a year for seven years - what's the problem?!

Would thr OP ring the GP and say 'i want a telephone appointment or a call back for DC but actually stuff your diary, call me at these times only and I'm not budging becausr MY job is more important than yours'? Of course not. It has to be MUTUALLY convenient.

To be fair though OP has given a wide range of suitable times. If you asked the GP, solicitor or whoever else to phone or arrange an appointment during that range of hours it wouldn't be a problem. According to this thread, no time is convenient so even if OP said anytime and any day it sounds as if it wouldn't make any difference.

Dungeondragon15

But those times are when the teacher is already committed, aren't they? A GP or solicitor might call you during that range of times, but they shouldn't cancel another client's appointment to do so. A teacher CAN'T call when they are teaching, or in a directed time meeting, or when they are setting up for the day. All those things are non-negotiable. What is the teacher meant to do, when all the times suggested by the OP are impossible?

To be fair though OP has given a wide range of suitable times. If you asked the GP, solicitor or whoever else to phone or arrange an appointment during that range of hours it wouldn't be a problem. Accordin

Well, it depends what the wide range is, doesn't it?

If someone says 'you can call me anytime between 10.30 pm and 6.30 am, any night of the week', and I am always in bed between those times, then that is a wide range of times, but none of them are possible for me.

I might say 'I can shop in your shop at any point between 5.30 m and 8 am' ...but if the shop is open 9-5, you will still never find it open?

To be fair though OP has given a wide range of suitable times

They were suitable for the OP. Not the teacher. Hence the entire thread.

BoneyBackJefferson

3 out of 4 of the professions you've mentioned regularly have meetings/appointments outside of normal working hours! I don't know any surveyors so can't comment on the 4th.