Parent Teacher Consultations. Teachers too busy to contact me. AIBU?!

[WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium]

The PT C’s were two weeks ago. They put clip boards out in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get to them to write down what slot you want. This only works for the parents who aren’t at work that morning.

I’m at uni and I work and I have placements. Suffice to say, I’m rarely at the school so I miss this opportunity. Usually this isn’t a problem, I simply call the school and arrange it with the teacher.

Both teachers (two kids, primary school) offered times that I was in training or at work (I can’t get time off for a 15 minute meeting) and I offer a whole bunch of times and days that I can do. They call back (via the woman in the office) and offer a time I’m at work. Helpful.

Nothing since. I’ve called three times and left messages.
I call this morning about it and about my son being in hysterics again about a maths thing. I mention that no one has contacted me yet and got “Yes that’s becuase they are extremely busy.”
Well them and us both! She sounded pissed off.
AIBU?! I’m getting pissed off now.

But the issue with that is obvious: they can't do the times suggested by the OP because their workload doesn't allow for that, and they either can't or aren't willing to do other times (their own time).

It's not obvious. For all we know they could just be giving out times without taking any notice of when the parent is available. If they can't do any of the times that OP has stated they should say so and give more than one time that they will be available.

that is the risk the OP took when she didn't request time off to attend Parents' Evening.

So it now OP's fault for doing a job that involves saving lives and doesn't give annual leave without about three months notice.hmm

Why should the teacher have to compensate for that with her own time?

With that attitude, if you are a teacher I hope you don't expect health care professionals to put themselves out too much if you or your family need medical help.

Thankfully my children are now adults and so I know longer have to deal with these issues but given views on here I'd love to know opinions on these.

I had to give at least 4 weeks notice to book leave at work. Usually parents evenings were published on the school calendar at the start of the year. I would book these dates off from work. On at least 50% of occasions parents evening dates were changed - often with less than 4 weeks notice so that I couldn't book the day off work.

On every parents evening that I attended some staff did not attend. Often these were staff from key subject areas.So, I was there but the staff weren't.

Given that the teachers on this thread are saying that as the OP didn't attend parents evening, when teachers were there and ready to discuss their child, it's just tough luck what is the solution when the parent attends but the teachers don't?

It's so easy for each side to become entrenched here. Both arguing that they are under pressure, at breaking point etc. Neither is able to see the other's POV.

Sadly this is a symptom of the lives we live today. Many of us are stretched to breaking point. We are all trying to juggle work, children, possibly elderly parents. Many employers are inflexible in the extreme. Throw in possibly a health issue requiring time for appointments, maybe threat of redundancy etc and it is easy to see how we can end up almost pleading for someone to just do something to make our lives a tiny bit easier. What we fail to recognise is the person we are pleading with has similar pressures.

No idea what the answers are. It really would help if schools could be better at planning (of parents evenings, plays, dressing up days, sports days etc) so that they don't send out a letter the day before asking that your child goes in the following day dressed as Henry V111th or something.

arethereanyleftatall
You are spot on.
Just like life. Most people are reasonable and come to compromises and accept sometimes things aren't ideal.

Others think their little bubble is the be all and end all and they are so important.

There's a massive difference between:
A) Hi school. Sorry i was unable to make parents' eve. It's not ideal but any chance of a chat. It might be a pain getting things to match up. These would be the most convenient times, but i'm sure we can find something that works
And
B) I couldn't attend PE because my job is too important. You need to call me back. This is when I'm free. And don't call me at any other time because I couldn't possibly manage anything other than when it suits me because I have placement and uni so stuff your working hours. Fit me in in my window when it suits me

On every parents evening that I attended some staff did not attend. Often these were staff from key subject areas.So, I was there but the staff weren't.

I'm sure that they did this just to spite you.

Its not as if they could be ill, have family emergencies or sick children to look after.

On every parents evening that I attended some staff did not attend. Often these were staff from key subjectareas.So, I was there but the staff weren't
Entirely possible for a number of reasons:

1. I missed one because I was off
2. My colleagues miss some because they are part time and they don't work that day
3. I've missed some due to being at ITT External meetings after school. Sadly, the whole training provider can't move around y9 evening.
4. A colleague missed one because they were at a social services
5. Another was off for a few days over a PE because their child came down with chickenpox and DH worked away
6. Another friend missed one due to a relative's funeral (and then had parents calling her at work harrassing her because she 'couldn't be bothered to attend'. She explained why very politely actually. I think I would have been a bit more abrupt).

Staff can't just not turn up if they don't feel like it so if they are absent there is a reason

Just ask for a phone call to discuss rather than a face to face appointment. It will be more convenient all round. I usually do this with parents who miss parents evening.

What MaisyPops said x 100.

I'm regularly surprised on MN how many people think the only way to resolve any issue is to demand someone does this, that or the other. I'm just surprised how these people have got through life without realising you are always going to get a much better outcome for whatever the issue is if you ask nicely about how you might work together to resolve something.

I'm just surprised how these people have got through life without realising you are always going to get a much better outcome for whatever the issue is if you ask nicely about how you might work together to resolve something.
Same.
I find myself saying the same advice on many school threads. Be reasonable and act like a sensible adult and you are more likely to get a positive resolution. If you choose to act unreasonably, be demanding and generally try and throw your weight around like a stroppy child, people aren't going to be as willing to help.

It's the same in life though too. I always wonder if the stroppy demanding ones we see at school are also the ones who think they should be allowed to continue browsing and trying clothes on at 5:28 when the shop closes at half past. Same logic: my time is more important than yours

Dungeondragon15

I don't expect off-duty medical professionals to come to my house and treat me, no.

Oh, and 'no annual leave without 3 months notice' - the OP hasn't attended Parents' Evening for 7 years.

I don't expect off-duty medical professionals to come to my house and treat me, no

Oh really? So if you suddenly had a heart attack on a plane you would be happy if the doctors on board refused to help because they were "off-duty". Do you think any health care professional would refuse to help someone who was seriously ill just because they had done enough paid hours that day.

So if you suddenly had a heart attack on a plane you would be happy if the doctors on board refused to help because they were "off-duty". Do you think any health care professional would refuse to help someone who was seriously ill just because they had done enough paid hours that day.
What part of them saying they wouldn't expect off duty medics to come to their house is confusing you, or are you just being obtuse in order to justify why the OP's job and time must be more important than anyone else's job and time.

In an emergency situation, generally anyone with any training (dr, nurse, army medic, st johns volunteer etc) would jump in (obviously!). That is not the same as demanding a home visit out of someone's hours because it suits you.

But then that is also obvious.

Oh, and 'no annual leave without 3 months notice' - the OP hasn't attended Parents' Evening for 7 years.

I don't know why OP has attended for 7 years but we are talking about her lack of attendance on this occasion so not really relevant. I agree that OP seems to lack understanding with regard to teachers time, but your attitude is certainly no better. Telling someone that it is their own fault that they missed a parents evening despite the fact that they can't get annual leave without several months notice and especially considering their job involves saving lives is pretty shitty.

dungeon
I do think it's a symptom of a wider attitude though.
As in every other time i've not attended in the last 7 years I have been able to demand my way to an appointment that suits me. Now I'm throwing a strop because I might have to do the sensible and reasonable thing and compromise.
The OP keeps acting like them giving the school the times that they want is them being flexible (so obviously thr school are unreasonable) and then we've had the whole 'but my job is important thing'.

I can tell my hairdresser i'm free for a haircut 6am-8am and then all day on a Monday but if they aren't open then, then i'm not being flexible.

Ultimately, many parents have important jobs, funny shifts, busy lives and they manage to make it work somehow because they accept that's part od having kids. Teachera are often happy to give a call back, at a mutually convenient time which might (because life is like that) involve a bit of give and compromise in both sides.
Why the OP has irritated people is because they are acting like no other parent could possibly have had to make any concession ever and nobody else understands how important every minute of the OP's time is.

For once I'm not bothering to rtft but after the first page I would say don't call. In future email the office and in the subkect box out FAO class teacher. That way you can out it all in writing and nothing gets lost in translation.

What part of them saying they wouldn't expect off duty medics to come to their house is confusing you, or are you just being obtuse in order to justify why the OP's job and time must be more important than anyone else's job and time.

Okay, so do you think that if you had a heart attack in your front garden and a medic or nurse was walking down the street, they wouldn't come to your help because they were off duty? Do you think a GP would refuse to help you if you needed it and there were no other doctors available because they had done their hours for the week?.

In an emergency situation, generally anyone with any training (dr, nurse, army medic, st johns volunteer etc) would jump in (obviously!). That is not the same as demanding a home visit out of someone's hours because it suits you.

OP isn't "demanding" a specific time that suits her. She hasn't even spoken to the teacher. She has given a wide range of times and the school secretary has just come back with one specific time which OP has already said is not possible. It may be that it would not be possible to see the teacher at any of those times in any circumstance but it would be better to say so and to state when the teacher would be available rather than just giving one time and then not returning calls.
As I said, I think OP displays a lack of understanding and perhaps a shitty attitude but the teachers on this thread aren't any better.

When do the parent consultations take place?

Our school did a Thursday Night and Friday afternoon. When I couldn't make it we did it after school one day. But they sent out letters where you replied with a time slot that suited you. Then it does take a lot of time for the teacher to sort out.

The clipboards are out in our nursery and they are done during nursery time as we don't get allowed to stay later than our usual working time unless we are doing CPD.

Your way sounds barmy.

if you suddenly had a heart attack on a plane you would be happy if the doctors on board refused to help because they were "off-duty"

Is this really a parallel though? A life threatening emergency now has equal importance with parents evening? You really need to get a grip about this.

However, I'll happily now step in and tell you exactly what I think of your behaviour management next time you and your child are on a plane, if you like?

The parallel would of course be to ask your doctor to give you an annual check up just as they settled down into their plane seat with a glass of something cold!

Is this really a parallel though? A life threatening emergency now has equal importance with parents evening? You really need to get a grip about this.

They don't have to be parallel. I'm just making the point that health care professionals often go above and beyond to help people and certainly don't clock off the second their pay stops. In view of that and taking into account that NHS workers usually have to request annual leave long in advance, I think the attitude that it is OP's own fault that she couldn't attend parents evening and why should the teacher put themselves out in any way to help seriously crap.

Dungeondragon15

In an emergency I'm trained to do CPR - I am a human being and would always help where I can, in an emergency, and would expect a medical professional to step in, unpaid, in an emergency. I do not expect to be able to call up my GP and demand the opens the surgery after hours because I couldn't be arsed asking for an afternoon off for an appointment with months of notice. Get a grip.

Dungeondragon15

No, no, Dungeon. The OP doesn't see why she should take annual leave. Read her posts. She thinks her commitments are set in stone and the teacher is the one who needs to make all the running, even when she is not available, like the OP.

I do not expect to be able to call up my GP and demand the opens the surgery after hours because I couldn't be arsed asking for an afternoon off for an appointment with months of notice. Get a grip.

OP and others have explained that they can't get an afternoon off with a months notice!!! You keep saying that she "couldn't be arsed" to turn it into her fault when it quite clearly isn't. That is the part which I think is shitty. OP hasn't demanded the teacher opens up the school after hours. She has asked for an appointment within a fairly wide time range. If it is not possible in any circumstances during those hours this should be made clear and OP should be given an idea of when it would be possible.

The OP doesn't see why she should take annual leave. Read her posts. She thinks her commitments are set in stone and the teacher is the one who needs to make all the running, even when she is not available, like the OP.

If she can take annual leave then I agree that she should.

I haven't seen a post where she states that would be possible to request annual leave though. I had to request annual leave long in advance when I worked for the NHS (far longer then the school gave notice for parent's evening etc) so assumed it would be the same for OP.

Dungeon, I'm projecting here because she hasn't said, but I don't think op would have taken annual leave the attend at the correct time. That's sort of become the point of the thread, not the actual details, but the theme running through all of the ops posts that her time is more important than the teachers.