Parent Teacher Consultations. Teachers too busy to contact me. AIBU?!

[WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium]

The PT C’s were two weeks ago. They put clip boards out in the morning, it’s a mad dash to get to them to write down what slot you want. This only works for the parents who aren’t at work that morning.

I’m at uni and I work and I have placements. Suffice to say, I’m rarely at the school so I miss this opportunity. Usually this isn’t a problem, I simply call the school and arrange it with the teacher.

Both teachers (two kids, primary school) offered times that I was in training or at work (I can’t get time off for a 15 minute meeting) and I offer a whole bunch of times and days that I can do. They call back (via the woman in the office) and offer a time I’m at work. Helpful.

Nothing since. I’ve called three times and left messages.
I call this morning about it and about my son being in hysterics again about a maths thing. I mention that no one has contacted me yet and got “Yes that’s becuase they are extremely busy.”
Well them and us both! She sounded pissed off.
AIBU?! I’m getting pissed off now.

If a parent is not willing to make any effort to fit in with the offered times "I have a job and it's obviously must more important than yours" then I'm less likely to want to go out of my way to accommodate them.

Attitude is everything.

When I was teaching (early years/infants) I was lucky to get into school for 8:30 because of my child care- nursery wouldn't open any earlier.

By the time I finished at the end of the day, chatted to all the parents that grab you over little johnny's jumper that says age 4/5 on and is lost, tided my classroom, marked, planned, attended a meeting, I was lucky to leave at 5pm to pick up my child at 5:30pm- that was if the traffic was kind. To go past that 5pm, I had to look for child care.

So it is ok for a parent to not give up paid hours, yet it's ok for me to have to pay for additiona hours for my child to stay in nursery.

After I got home and be 'mum'- do tea, homework, reading, baths etc. I went back to marking, planning, making resources etc.

This is why if you broke down a teachers salary, they are actually on a crap wage! So give them a break please!

Once again, i feel so sorry for teachers. Everybody surely knows that they have to work their arses off (yes, like other professions), and yet op you repeatedly want them to work outside of their hours, because you won't change yours. For your child. Despite knowing dates in advance. Can you not see how entitled this is?

If I couldn't make the parents evening offered, my thoughts would be 'oh shit, I'll get more organised for the next one'; it wouldn't cross my mind to expect the teacher to give me a time for my convenience.

Yabu.

It's clearly not give and take, if you're not prepared to do anything, including asking for your shift to be moved when you have months of notice (when you qualify). It's just take. You expect this woman to rearrange her life when you won't rearrange yours, for a '15 minute meeting'. I'm confused. It's either an important meeting, in which case you should be making more effort to get to it, or it isn't, in which case, why do you expect the teacher, who has already given up time to inform you about your child's progress, to do so twice?

That system is completely rubbish.

However, if you’ve been doing this for 7 years, I’m not surprised the office is a bit hacked off with you. Surely the Parents’ Evening dates were published ages ago? You should have made yourself available.

It takes a couple of minutes to write your name on a clipboard, it's not like.you don't do the drop offs/pick ups. What a bloody drama, just leave 5 minutes earlier to leave enough time to write your name down. Being 5 minutes late to uni won't make any difference either.

Unacceptable booking system, I would complain about that. I do agree the teacher should make some time to speak to you, a 10 minute phone conversation would be reasonable and more flexible for you both to fit into your day. I would ask the teacher to give you a variety of times which suit them and then change your arrangements to fit in with one of those. They can't come out of class and there are many (many) meetings that are not negotiable. As a teacher (senior leader) I speak to multiple parents every day and this takes a significant amount of time. Some families need hours invested in them. That inevitably comes out of my family time so my daughter suffers. It's the job I signed up for but it sometimes stings to repeatedly be putting someone else's child before my own.

This has never been a problem in the last 7 years

Why haven't you been able to attend the parents' evenings for the last seven years? Presumably, your nurse training hasn't been going on for that long, has it?

It's the job I signed up for but it sometimes stings to repeatedly be putting someone else's child before my own

I'm prepared to do it up to a point - in line with my job description, but I am not going to do so repeatedly like this for someone who has failed to attend Parents' Evening for 7 years. What difference is a conversation with a parent like that going to make anyway? They clearly lack the respect to listen, so it's the pedagogical equivalent of pissing up a wall.

I agree the system is bonkers for booking the appointments.

However if your not willing to swap shifts or find some flexibility to spend time discussing your child’s education then it’s not the teacher who is at fault here!

BTW, I agree that the clipboard system for signing up sounds crap, and it does potentially make things harder for working parents - an online booking system would be much fairer. However, you said that you wouldn't have been able to attend on that day anyway, so the booking system isn't really an issue here.

I'm afraid you do sound rather like you think your time/work is more important than theirs.

Penggwn- I agree the lack of respect from some parents is very disheartening and definitely makes you less inclined to bend over backwards

Just for a bit of context with regards to teachers free time. I run an after school club on both Monday and Tuesday until 4:30. Wednesday we have staff meeting until 5:30. Thursday we have team meetings until 5:30. That would only leave a Friday for me to arrange a meeting with you.
Mornings are not great as that time is needed to set up for the day ahead. I would possibly squeeze a parent in before school but it would be a five minute meeting.
Could you send an email directly to the teachers addressing your concerns? Or as a one off I would happily meet a parent during my lunch time but again I would have to be very strict on timings due to other responsibilities within the school.

I do agree the teacher should make some time to speak to you.
But she has. At parents evening. Which you didn't attend.

Lol @ "teachers free time"

No give? I gave them several phone calls, messages and days in which I am free. They have given me nothing in return.
Hahaha!
Point proven.
You aren't giving anything. You are informing school when you want ti be contacted with zero flexibility and bitching when the school might not be able to fit their work around your demands.

If a parent is not willing to make any effort to fit in with the offered times "I have a job and it's obviously must more important than yours" then I'm less likely to want to go out of my way to accommodate them
This.

Why should I start moving around things with the children because one parent is too important to attend PE / Too disorganised to alter work patterns if possible to attend PE / so important that they must be contacted when they demand?

What the OP also seems incapable if getting is that there will be many other parents with important / stressful jobs & there will be many other parents who had to make arrangements. But obviously, her job and life and time is so much more important than everyonr else's.

Reminds me of my last PE when we had appointments and the parents of an arrogant child turned up 30 minutes after their appointment because they were busy and demanded to be slotted in! Then were arsey when i said 'yes but my next family is here in 2 minutes to that's all the time i have' What I should have done (obviously) is ran late for the rest of the evening and put other familes out because they are so important

What about people like me who really cannot attend because I'm not free until 6.30pm meaning I wouldn't be able to get to the school until 6.45ish. Why because I'm a Childminder caring for quite a few teachers children so they understand the restraints I'm under often working longer hours so that they can carry out their own parents evenings which generally run late. It's not unusual to have short notice of parents evenings either and it's a minefield trying to juggle my mindees if my back up minder is free as the parents that are teachers can't really finish earlier and collect so that I can attend my own child's parents evening. But by working with my child's school we've come to an understanding that if they really need to see me then I will come in during school hours to see them or we can communicate via email which works well.

The appointment system is bonkers. However, if I had been able to be at the school to write on the clip board, I would just phone the office and ask if there are any slots left during the parent's evening itself rather than expect to talk to the teacher at another time. If there was a specific issue I needed to talk about I would e mail the teacher to see what they suggest. You may not need to talk about it face-to-face. I don't think you can expect them to converse with you over the phone during the day.

had been able hadn't been able

OP, just wanted to say that as a primary teacher I think you have been flexible enough. I would certainly be able to find time to see you.

glitterelf

My childminder would tell me well in advance that, for their child's Parents' Evening, they are taking annual leave. Totally fine with me.

The system sounds rubbish however I do think you are BU. Imagine you are 1 of 10 parents who couldn’t make the evening and therefore want an appointment at their convenience. For 7 classes in a single entry this is 70 parents that the office are trying to field calls from and 10 extra appointments that a teacher is trying to fit into a fairly busy schedule. Surely patience is a virtue in this situation.

If you want to see the teachers it really is up to you to make the time. Your shifts are not their problem. Imagine if every parent took the same attitude.

Totally agree with Manchester - what if every single parent did this? 30 additional appointments.

Everyone is busy. I have had to miss important meetings at work for parents' evening, same as for my child's hospital appointments.

@Pengggwn I will find that some parents can accommodate but others cannot and unfortunately my sons school does not give enough notice. He currently has a great head of year who will do a round robin and I'm having regular communication with the senco. It's not that I cannot be bother it's just a real struggle for me as like I say a few of the parents are teachers and the rest commute and do not have great support networks. In fact my sons school closed down for a whole day for parent consultations just before Christmas which also proved difficult for other parents. I think there just needs to be a little more flexibility on both sides. I'm aware how hard teachers work even when they've finished work with planning and marking on top as I'm the same although not on the same scale.