To not care about your appearance anymore

[Obi1Kenobi]

Basically I have thrown in the towel and given up. Running a home with 3 kids under 5, I just can’t be arsed. I don’t have the energy to put makeup on. Brushing my hair has become optional. Showering happens at some point in the day when there is time. Clothes are clean and washed, but I have lost the will to look good anymore!

AIBU to think that no one cares what I look like anyway as I am over 40 and a mum of 3. Or are they all judging me for being a slob?

Kids are impeccably dressed and presentable. I just look like a stressed out crazy bag lady.

[TatianaLarina]

Short hair is so high maintenance. Fuck that. Grow it so that it doesn’t need styling every morning. You can just brush it and put it up.

For very dry skin on a budget - extra virgin olive oil or avocado oil are the best turn arounds. Your skin will begin to look more nourished even after a few days. Night cream - Jason Vitamin E cream is good and inexpensive. Day cream - Olay is as good as anything.

[N2986]

Rimmel wake me up concealer is fab for dark circles- really brightens you up! Oh and a long Bob saved my hair! Before it was just stuck in a messy top knot everyday

[MN164]

It's interesting reading that, with regard to appearance, some people:

• don't want to feel "invisible", whilst others
  
• don't care what others think or see
  
• don't want to be judged by their appearance
  
• do want some sort of acceptable or approved appearance
  
• do not want others thinking the effort spent on appearance is for them
  

It's quite a mixed bag isn't it?

[Hellsbellscockleshells]

When mine were little it was a struggle but I always had a shower. My best friend and mother of four treat me to some nice Clarins shower gel which if I also washed my hair every other day and left it to dry at least I was clean. I also started using a Clarins moisturizer for over 40’s. So I looked pretty shut and stressed but I was basically clean, smelled fresh with soft skin (that was enough to get me through the day). That was it most days if I really wanted to push the boat out I put blusher and lip gloss on but that was on a good day and that was it.

[RebeccaWithTheGoodHair]

You sound really sweet OP and I'm sure you look better than you think - a nice smile goes a long way and you sound like you're a smiley person!

Your kids love you and you're proud of how they are turned out and that's a credit to you.

[Morphene]

I recently realised I've given up worrying about the fact I'm not attractive....its a huge fucking relief tbh!

So much time spent in negative thinking just lifted from my shoulders.

[turnipfarmers]

I comb my hair, get dressed - all of my clothes all match each other to make that easier - and the job is done.

Do whatever suits you, as long as your clothes are clean and ironed and you are clean and presentable it doesn't matter about the extras like make up and fancy clothes etc.

[MsHarry]

Aldi Lacura face creams are fab and cheap! Their Q10 was voted as good as expensive ones by dermatologists.

[Obi1Kenobi]

Yes agree with most people that short hair is actually a PITA. You think it’s a clever shortcut but actually it’s such high maintenance! Happily grow it longer to stop having to style it every single time I get up despite washing and styling it the night before.

Agree wholeheartedly that I have to get up a bit before the kids and get myself sorted. Make that ‘me’ time although I love my sleep especially with little ones waking up through the night. But 15 minutes earlier can’t hurt.

Clothes wise I am a bit monotonous and stripes ahoy! Skinny jeans and top is my go to set up. Despite having ‘deliciously long legs’ (DP quote) I don’t do skirts or shortish dresses (massive hips then breadstick legs makes me feel self conscious I am an odd shape). Maxi dresses are my fave for summer. Actually summer time (May-Sept) I am quite well dressed but outside of these months I am lost. Someone even mentioned to me today I wasn’t wearing my usual duffle coat which goes to the ankles! 😂 the sun was out sort of.

Hair, mascara, lips and a good cream and a little blusher will be enough.

Never ever leave the house without a spray of perfume. That and moisturing my face is the basic levels I will allow myself to leave the house.

Hair is a PITA. Clothes I am going to have to save up a bit and do Sainos when there is a 20% of TU because weirdly their clothes (not trousers) do fit my weird length and limbs well. And it’s decent enough. Washes well and lasts a fair while.

Thanks everyone. I do really appreciate your honesty and help.

Tomorrow I will try to do the 5 minute makeup trick and shower to do hair.

Just for the love of God what is B.B. cream? And why do I need it?

[Happymummy1991]

If I'm short on time then I fill in my eyebrows and use eyebrow gel, slap on some bb cream or tinted moisturiser and put mascara on. I used to have long hair but got it cut to collarbone length so now I have to brush and style it a bit because I can't just shove it up like I used to, which is good for me. I bath in the evenings after LO has gone to bed, I just find this easier and that way I can have a nice relaxing soak and have time to do things like shave my legs or deep condition my hair rather than having to have a super speedy shower in the morning. I definitely wouldn't describe myself as super glam or anything but I like to try to look good because it makes me feel good. But then to some people it's not that important and that's okay, nothing wrong with it not being one of your priorities. Everyone has different priorities.

[ivehadtonamechangeforthis]

I think people do notice if you look a mess, I would be put off wanting to talk to or form a relationship with someone who had greasy and unbrushed hair. Seriously?? You decide whether someone is worth speaking to by whether you feel they have made enough effort with their appearance?? Aren't you a charmer?

Its nice to make the effort and look presentable, that doesnt mean looking perfect, but clean clothes and face, brushed and cut hair etc are things that everybody can and should do. The way you look does give and pretty good indication of who you are and what you are like What utter tripe! I'm a middle management professional with over 20 years in my profession, I know I'm respected and considered good at my job by my peers and I wear a suit to work, hair straightened and make up on. As a SAHM with two under three I can barely manage to find the time to have a wash and clean my teeth!!

[Obi1Kenobi]

My priorities are definitely the kids and getting them to school on time and helping them succeed, eat well, be sociable and learn life skills but feel as if I am well and truly forgotten at the bottom of the endless pile of life. I don’t mind being invisible in a certain sense (sometimes helps) but I do have something to add and thankfully I am very sociable and everyone knows me because I am basically chatty and I don’t care if you like me or not (no reason not to like me but people are as they are and you have to accept that) I will acknowledge you and I will always be polite. And if you ask for my help you will get it unconditionally especially if kids are involved.

I just want to look semi human and represent my wonderful kids who despite me have turned out so well and continue to flourish. They aren’t all geniuses (just the one!) but the are smart, sociable, emphatic, polite and funny. That makes me proud. That I can spawn that. I just want to represent them well. They are so sweet though. Even when I look very sh*t they will say things like “you are beautiful Mama” and this from kids I don’t allow social pressures of conformity or beautification. Just good kids. And my partner still will squeeze my breast (which I hate) even as I am throwing up in a bowl. So in many ways I am lucky. I just don’t want to permanently look like crap!


What the hell is BB cream?

[LynetteScavo]

Why is your kids hair a priority?

DS2 was nick named "Worzel" by his teacher because I never brushed his hair. I always brushed mine though

[15star]

Make up wise "revolution" in Superdrug has really good concealors for about £4. There's a new liquid one which is really good. Cheap make up has come a long way!

[Obi1Kenobi]

Thanks everyone! DC3 has hair that is so curly that every morning we have to spend 20 minutes detangling it. It’s matted otherwise, like seriously bad. Looks horrific when she first wakes up. I have to use serum, oil and a spritz to make it look “normal”. Other two kids have straight hair like me and it takes one minute to detangle their bedheads and put up as school requires it. No loose hair allowed! All had to be pinned up and off their faces. Annoying but I understand the logic. Then I have to dress them, feed them, get them ready for school and get out the door all by 08:25. It’s tough. That’s why I am not a priority. It’s a common dilemma I believe.

[kaytee87]

BB cream is basically a bit better than tinted moisturiser, think it stands for beauty balm. Oh and use a sponge because then you save hand washing time

[Obi1Kenobi]

Unfortunate my hair is so short that when I wake up some of it sticks out pointing to every axis. It’s unmanageable and can’t be shoved into a ponytail. Not enough length.

[Obi1Kenobi]

Thank you kaytee87 I will look into this B.B. cream. Does it make you look a little less pale then?

[Marnie182]

Hi op

I have short hair and find blasting a bit of dry shampoo through it in the mornings bring it back into shape and keep it looking and feeling fresh. I can go days without washing and styling it. Before discovering dry shampoo i had to wash/style it everyday. Life saver for me!
Might be worth a try.

[kaytee87]

Yes it defo does, it's like foundation but quicker and easier to rub in.

[kaytee87]

For moisturiser I think Nivea cream does the trick

[TatianaLarina]

Tunic dresses would work for your shape, they will camouflage your hips and show off your legs plus they’re very comfortable to wear.

[clumsyduck]

I can't be bothered at the moment at all either . I look a total wreck ! but I'm drowning in university work on top of the usual work / dc / housework
Come the summer break I shall emerge butterfly like and hopefully slimmer as I only like have time to eat a sandwich for my dinner after work . Every cloud n all that

[reallyanotherone]

Interesting that it seems to be

A) cba about appearance so do nothing
B) care about appearance and spend time on it.

The undertone is still that women look better the more time they spend on hair and make up etc.

I’m 40. I spend no time on my appearance, yet i like the way i look. I actually think i look as good in no make up and hair scraped back as i do with a full face. That applies to other women too. Someone at work came in bare faced the other day and set about with foundation and mascara, muttering about people thinking she was ill and she looks like death etc. She looked really, really pretty with clear pale skin and a natural eyebrow and lip shape. Then she hid it all.

Rather than fret about appearance and lack of time to “improve” it, or learning to accept your “ugliness” and not be arsed about it, maybe we should take a good hard look and appreciate that actually, most of us look perfectly fine au naturel.

[gingercat02]

I agree that the basics are more than good enough when you have 3 kids (I only have one so much respect to everyone with more)
Tinted lashes, No 7 tinted moisturiser and a natural-ish poppy gets me through a day at work. My hair is really thick mid length bob (boring but that's pretty much the only style it will tolerate)
Totally agree that love and respect in a marriage has to be more than a superficial looks/image based infatuation