To not care about your appearance anymore

[Obi1Kenobi]

Basically I have thrown in the towel and given up. Running a home with 3 kids under 5, I just can’t be arsed. I don’t have the energy to put makeup on. Brushing my hair has become optional. Showering happens at some point in the day when there is time. Clothes are clean and washed, but I have lost the will to look good anymore!

AIBU to think that no one cares what I look like anyway as I am over 40 and a mum of 3. Or are they all judging me for being a slob?

Kids are impeccably dressed and presentable. I just look like a stressed out crazy bag lady.

I work 4 very long 12 hour days and pretty much roll out of bed. Found the following helps....

I sort my clothes out on a Sunday for the whole working week, so I don't even have to think about it the night before. A bit of extra time to think on the weekend means I'm usually better put together, as I'm not scrambling around for a matching skirt/top at 5:30am
Do the same with kids uniforms.

I get very knotted hair, which was like hacking through a jungle every morning. I plait and tie it up before bed. It then just requires a brushing out. Failing that, I spent a bit of time mastering a perfect messy bun for really bad days!!

I spend less than 5 mins on a very simple, basic moisturiser/make up up routine. Everything is lined up and ready to go.

On a Sunday evening I spend an hour in the bathroom. Nice bath, Face mask, hair mask (helps with hair) etc.

I think this roughly costs me 1.5 hours on the weekend and about 10 mins in the morning.

Buy a decent hat, apply lip gloss and put on some sunglasses.

Instant move star appeal but must not wear the stained jumper from the night before smelling of fried onions and cat sick. Replace with stylish coat over cat sick jumper - pair of hunters and you are done under two minutes max.

Be happy not to care, if you are happy stay as you are. One of the blessings of being older is no longer dancing to everyone else's tune.

haha, it was always my kids that looked scruffy at that stage OP, whilst I held onto minimal glam with tooth and claw (currently only mascara, eyeliner and lipstick remain though....)

can't say my kids have ever looked impeccable...

different priorities

As someone said, the fact that you posted this thread means you do care.

Actually not caring (or caring very little) is quite liberating, you should try it!

A random but hopefully helpful tip.

I often tie my hair back when at home. But I always found the band ok a scrunchie I admit it would slip out, even if my hair needed washing. I'd end up repeatedly just scragging it back any old way, just to get it off my face.

I bought some different style bands (good old Claire's) and they stay put all day. So I know now I only have to brush my hair into a ponytail once in the morning and it will stay there all day. I can leave the house without fear of scaring the horses too.

onlyold Don't you dare think you are invisible at your age (I'm much older) and make sure I'm noticed on a daily basis when out and about.
obi1 get yourself up 10mins earlier and have a quick wash /shower and blob of BB cream,give hair a handful of mousse and finger style it jump into jeggings and matching top and you are ready to go for the day.

I don't makes masses of effort either, why would I? I have many more interesting things to be doing with my time. The natural look is better with older women, and besides it says a lot about how secure and happy you feel that you are not having to keep up with some desperate mission to look amazing 247.

Be happy and smile that transforms most people anyway.

Dont be a cats bum

I also get out of bed and go directly to shower, no deviations. Quite often I'll forget I've even had a shower but at least I've spent the day clean!

I find if I don't, I can never be arsed the rest of the day (something about getting changed out of clothes and re changed really irks me, I don't know why!)

I can do my make up in 5 mins - I do it in the car park at work to save a few mins (car park fills up early).
Hair takes minutes too - a good haircut is a must, it's the only thing I spend money on.
Perfume always makes me feel nice too - I wear it every day.

When I was younger I was always full make up and spent ages on hair - now I am far more relaxed and will go without make up happily. Which is a good thing about being more confident in myself which comes with age!

There is nothing wrong with being comfortable how you are and relaxing - but there is a fine line and often people who let everything go just because they are a parent often end up in a very low place over time.

Haircut
Eyebrows done unless you can do them yourself
Tinted lipbalm and tinted moisturiser
Luxy versions of slobby clothes
Exercise

This too in time shall pass.

God, I've only 1 dd (9mo), in my 20s and I've also given up! I'm sure most of the mothers at baby and toddler groups think I'm a slob

Hat and sunglasses were my best friends during those years!

Id say a lot depends on what you look like without make up. If you have clear skin then a lick of mascara and a smear of tinted lip balm can be enough of a face. Hair needs either a great cut or you need to know that a ponytail or high and ‘messy’ bun look works on you.
Jeans and a tea-shirt is just as quick as pulling on sloppy leggings or track-suit pants. One pair of nice (dark) jeans should last you all week and a tea-shirt with elasticity doesn’t create any ironing.
Whatever you do don’t just wear a smear of bright lipstick with no other makeup. That always looks dreadful imo.
I always found time to slap on a full face when I worked full time and had a house to run (ex-h did not do housework) and raise thee children, so it can be done.
Make sure you have a good moisturiser as dry, flaky skin is aging too.

I feel sorry for your husband!! Mine would not be happy if I just let myself go (3 under 5 too). Same goes for him, I wouldn't be happy if he just turned into a frumpy middle aged man who didn't take care of himself. Can you shower the night before and then just set your alarm 15 mins before kids wake up so you can get ready?

It does get easier, honestly!

Can you have a shower in the evening when dc are asleep? I found it helped me sleep better too. Then get your clothes ready for the morning. Dc could help get theirs out as part of their bedtime routine, never to early to start helping 😀😀.

Also, with makeup I can do it in a few minutes now, dab of eye colour, mascara, bluster, lipstick and good to go. Brush hair and stick up if long enough. Oh and always spray perfume.

Also a good coat that you can throw over your slob clothes with a big scarf, big sunnies, brushed hair and you're away.Instant chic.

I notice lots of mums in running gear in the morning. Do you think they really are going for a run or are they acceptable slummy mummy clothes?

I don't care - unless I'm going somewhere that matters (work or a social event). But then I never did care very much. Make up and nice clothes are fun now and again but they are not my duty, and other people's opinions are really not important when I'm just pottering around or nipping to the shops.

It's quite liberating not to care. OK you can take it too far (not washing to the extent that you smell is excessive). But your DC will love you anyway, and passers by notice you less than you think, because they've got their own concerns to think about.

You haven't mentioned budget? Is that a factor at all?

If not then I second the idea of getting lux versions of your current daily stuff - not sure of your style but Hush and Mint Velvet might be worth a look for comfy stuff that looks a bit more polished.

Being clean is, to me, more important than anything else - and once you're showered it really is only a matter of a bit of BB cream, mascara and lipstick. You could skip the mascara by having your eyelashes tinted and permed - again time permitting.

Personally I love bedhead hair so would own that with a messy bun sort of thing.

I always brush my just because it purely annoys me if I don’t, even if as soon as I walk outside it looks like I ain’t brushed it in 5 days, because I just have that hair 😂 but I don’t wear makeup never have, never done my eyebrows they’ve al2ays been naturally shaped. Couldn’t care less what others think, the people that matter won’t care. My DP loves me for who I am not what crap I put over my face. Luckily I very rarely get spots maybe one every few months. I shower usually in the mornings. I have 2 kids but they are usually still asleep when I leave for work. Things are hectic In the evening.

I care about my appearance in the sense that I'm clean and my clothes are clean and whole.

Other than that people can go do one :D

It's about how you feel in your skin, not about what others think of you. There's a difference between despairingly 'throwing in the towel' and simply feeling that comfort and efficiency are more important than fashion and appearance.

I got to a point when mine were little that it was enough that I was clean and dressed in clean comfy clothes. I lived in black sweat pants and t shirts with my hair in a pony tail. If I put on mascara I considered myself 'glammed up'. But it was because I had more important things to deal with than impressing the gate-mums with my fashion sense or captivating the bag boys at the local supermarket with my sophisticated allure. And I make no apologies for that whatsoever. Once my kids got older and I had more time I 'stepped up my game' a bit. I'll never be the fashion plate I thought I was pre kids, but I got back in the swing of putting on some makeup and threw out those sweats. So give yourself a break and cut yourself a bit of slack.

You need to decide whether or not you're doing what you do because it's sensible to your lifestyle, that you feel bad about itbecause you feel you need to 'make an impression', or if it's possible that you may be feeling a bit of depression or stress and it's showing itself by you feeling it's not worth the bother.

I feel sorry for your husband
Wow, that's so depressing it actually makes me want to kill myself. Omg, that poor, poor man. Imagine having to live with a whole actual human life partner instead of a fucking oil painting, what a struggle his life must be. Get a bloody grip.