To not care about your appearance anymore

[Obi1Kenobi]

Basically I have thrown in the towel and given up. Running a home with 3 kids under 5, I just can’t be arsed. I don’t have the energy to put makeup on. Brushing my hair has become optional. Showering happens at some point in the day when there is time. Clothes are clean and washed, but I have lost the will to look good anymore!

AIBU to think that no one cares what I look like anyway as I am over 40 and a mum of 3. Or are they all judging me for being a slob?

Kids are impeccably dressed and presentable. I just look like a stressed out crazy bag lady.

[LiteraryDevil1]

I'm 41, single mum of 3 young children and manage to shower, wash and dry my hair, put basic make up on every day and walk them to school for before 9am. We all sit down for breakfast and I usually manage 2 cups of tea. I'd hate to leave the house without having a shower in the morning. But you don't seem bothered so as long as you are happy then do what you want.

[MrsMint]

@juneau - realize this post is a bit old, but just looked at that make up blog you mentioned - what alternative to the liquid blush do you use? I can't afford to lay out £16 at moment.

[Obi1Kenobi]

Thanks everyone. I have had my eyebrows done and some new makeup and doing the basics makes me feel good. Still can’t shower again (I do most nights before bed) in the morning before school run #1 so my hair is an absolute mess but so my best to control it! Wear clean clothes everyday but sometimes have to shower before school run #2. Getting my hair done soon and am going to spend Easter culling and sorting my wardrobe. Then I will have ‘go to’ outfits to get ready ASAP. I don’t own trackers or sportswear. Because I don’t like them and probably would just sleep in them at night 😂. Doing my best to carve out some me time and a little adjustment makes a huge difference x

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

I've got 3 kids, they're now 5, 3 and 1 so had the 3 under 5 combo. Its tiring and alot of work, I definitely get that. I still have my makeup done everyday, shower or bath each day and hair wash every other. I dress nicely too. I wouldn't ever do the school run looking like I've just rolled out of bed. I just couldn't. I'm not being goady at all before I get any sarky comments, I'm just saying what I do. I think if you really do care about these things you have to sacrifice that bit of time sleep I get up really early so I have time to do all that and still have all the kids ready too

[Ski40]

Shower at night when they are in bed?
In the morning, leggings with boots, a nice flowy top and a statement necklace or a pretty scarf look low key and relaxed but pretty.
Brush hair, tinted moisturiser and a pretty shade of lipstick plus a squirt of perfume. Under one minute and it will make you feel different.
I have a 3,7 and 10 year old, all very demanding. I know how they can suck the life out of you and have only just recently started to have the energy to put on makeup again. It gets easier. Xx

[LadyTesticlee]

strangers dont care its only you. as to judging you if those who knew you knew you to dress and look differently they would have noticed but to judge or not it depends on their personality.
probably husband or partner and yourself notice it the most and those that haven't seen you for a while. random strangers dont know any different and dont care.

[VioletteValentia]

I’m off to pencil in my eyebrows rather than put work into my degree which I do whilst raising my kids full time. Priorities



You know you can do both, right? It’s not either or.

[VioletteValentia]

Personally I feel very depressed if I can’t do my makeup. I’m a full face, false eyelashes and red lips girl, and I feel like shit for the whole day if I don’t get it done.

If you don’t care though, that’s perfectly fine. No one judges you. I think people judge me when they see me all done up at somewhere with dc.

[cheshiremama89]

@Morphene I don't know what to do.
I don't know if it's my mental health or exhaustion and lack of time.

I guess I find the time to look after everyone else but I'm last on the list.

[choseausername1]

Literally cannot believe what I’m reading here.

OP- been in your shoes and worn yesterday’s t-shirt as well. I had 3 under 3 and barely left the house for six months. Closest I got to glam was fancy pyjamas (youngest dd was 3m early so tinted eyelashes weren’t my priority). Don’t worry- you’re not alone! If the kids are grand, you’re doing a good job- at least your priorities are straight.

Hope all the ladies here bring critical about appearances and first impressions realise what a super job you’re doing teaching your children about being superficial.

I’m off to pencil in my eyebrows rather than put work into my degree which I do whilst raising my kids full time. Priorities.

[strawberrygelato]

At least wash. Makeup etc not important

[AjasLipstick]

I don;t think it's good for anyone to give up entirely. I know a woman like you describe yourself and she has three kids....but hers aren't under 5 and I often think "Is she depressed?" because she wears the same cheap ugg boots and joggers daily, no makeup at all though that's not really the issue....her hair's never brushed and she sometimes seems to have not cleaned her teeth!

But she seems happy! Has a husband earning good money, a car....likes getting her nails done at a salon....what's that all about then?

[ReanimatedSGB]

There's a big, big space between spending time and money on hairstyling, fashionable clothes and 'everyday' makeup and looking and smelling like Mrs Twit.
I'm actually quite fond of wearing make up from time to time but I frequently didn't wear it for work and still don't, if I don't feel like it. If I don't have to go out anywhere other than the supermarket/post office or whatever, I will live in tracksuits and sometimes just put coat and boots on over pyjamas. OK I wash often enough not to smell, and will generally brush my hair if I'm going to have to interact with other people for more than the few seconds it takes to buy bread, but I do not owe anyone the time and labour it would take me to 'look nice'.

But then my choices in clothing etc have always been good for annoying people. Several decades of 'You shouldn't wear that -

Because you're fat
Because it's unfashionable
Because it's too colourful and will attract attention
Because it's too sexy
Because you would look nicer if you just do as you're told'

So I now do pretty much exactly what I like. Because other people are, mainly, stupid and irrelevant, and if they want to waste their own time and money either fannying around with how they look or worrying about how I look, it's not my problem.

[Morphene]

cheshire I'm sorry to hear that - are you getting any support with your mental health? There is nothing quite like coming out of a traumatic experience, wondering who the hell you are now and incidentally having a newborn baby to deal with as well.

It took me 3 and half years to begin to put my mind back together...please don't leave it that long if you have the chance!

[anneoneill]

"Wow, that's so depressing it actually makes me want to kill myself"

Are you suicidal, or just mocking those who are?

[SparklesandBubbles]

A hairdresser once told me the best way to stop your hair going totally nuts at night is to use a silk pillow case (or a silk scarf over your pillow). Might sounds expensive but I have tried it a few times and it really works.
Might help your DD too.

I tend to keep my hairbrush on my bedside table and as soon as I wake up I brush my hair so it's done!

My minimum is mascara on and i always have a tinted lip moisturiser (just a cheap one) in my coat pocket that gives my lips a bit of colour but makes me look less drained!

I'm a big fan of beauty flash balm (Clarins). It is expensive but works wonders!

[cheshiremama89]

I am exactly the same @Obi1Kenobi

6 weeks since I had DS with a very traumatic birth.

Currently suffering with a blocked milk duct, mastitis amongst other post pregnancy ailments.

Today I've not showered, hair has not been brushed.

I'm hoping the me I used to know will come back

[HyenaHappy]

Can't we please define ourselves by what we know and what we do rather than how we look?

I may be wrong but I don’t believe that there are any posters who have stated that they define themselves by their looks.

People have said that they enjoy make-up and that they feel better about themselves when they wear it, that doesn’t mean that they are defined by it. Not does it mean that they value it above their knowledge or other aspect of their personalities. Grooming and intellect are not mutually exclusive.

People are complex and multi-faceted, their enjoyment of one thing doesn’t negate their enjoyment of another.

[Obi1Kenobi]

If I genuinely cared what others thought of me I would never have stepped foot outside my house brakes, coat over pyjama too and mental hair. Believe me. I don’t care what others think I care what my kids and I think. I just want to look a little less messy and a bit more ‘together’. I would like to project to the world not a fake image (believe me I am as real as you get) but for myself and the kids I don’t want look like I was dragged through a hedge backwards by a poletergeist who happened to do the same school run as me!

[Obi1Kenobi]

people not propel!

[Obi1Kenobi]

Agree jon66 but this isn’t about what other propel think of me externally but what I want to feel projecting outwards. As mums or parents or guardians or carers ect with multiple pressures allowed to seek advice on how to feel ‘himan’ again as we sacrifice so much of ourselves? I have given up caring but I do care. Yes I know. But I just want to look above average so I feel and by that I also include look good not what anyone else thinks. It’s sctually all about me for once and for once in a very, very long time.

[Jon66]

Can't we please define ourselves by what we know and what we do rather than how we look?

[Glassofredandapackofcrisps]

I don't care but I want to care? Iyswim? I used to be incredibly glamorous but now look like a bag lady one dd she's almost two I'm a single Mum work part time and also like to sit down and chill a lot!!! I'm 39 this year used to look incredibly young for my age but now not so much. Definitely feel like I've lost my looks

[HyenaHappy]

It’s just for me for once.

Nothing wrong with wanting to look nice for yourself at all. I love a scarf. I went out today with minimal make-up but my hair shined and swishy (I use an intensive conditioner regularly), my sunglasses on and a massive scarf and felt very confident. All I was wearing was skinny jeans, trainers and a nice jumper that toned with my big scarf well. I thought I looked well put together and good and I couldn’t give a tinkers if anyone or everyone thought I didn’t.

Enjoy giving yourself a bit of pampering OP

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

Its quite liberating to GENUINELY ngaf about what people think.