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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 15:56

Affordability depends on your mates. If they're on high incomes, it's nothing. If they're on average wages or below, it's a hell of a lot. Bear in mind that they will have to fork out for travel on top too!

CoffeeOrSleep · 19/03/2018 15:56

Depends on the group of friends - if they all don't have DCs and have well paid jobs, then this is perfectly reasonable in terms of costs and length of stay. Can you put feelers out to a group chat that you are making plans now, would this seem too expensive or just right?

I would suggest you tell people closer to £280/300 to allow for those declining. If more accept, you can give money back. Much easier to give back money than to ask for more. Price it as if 1/4 decline.

Original poster

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:57

@Peanutbuttercups21 it's a real mixture. Bride is a lawyer, lots of her friends are too as she knows them from uni. But also social worker / journalist / student / teacher / police woman / dog sitter. So definitely would be harder for some than others.

OP posts:

howthelightgetsin · 19/03/2018 15:57

I don’t think it’s much money for a weekend.

I would resent paying it though but more I’d resent the fact that the bride wanted to take a whole weekend.

dejectedharry · 19/03/2018 15:57

OP my best friend got married last year and her hen was £300 for accommodation a 'sports day', cocktail making, afternoon tea and a Sunday dinner. It was so expensive and I had multiple arguments with the 'head' bridesmaids about the price. Amazingly 21 people went only 9 dropped out because of the price. Yours sounds much better and cheaper than that!

Get everyone in a group message and ask for their opinions on the price because you might find that a lot of them are happy with it. £120 a night to stay in a Scottish castle with prosecco, spa treatments, and food all in isn't too bad. The ones from London will be expecting the cost of travel.

diddl · 19/03/2018 15:58

" this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes."

Perhaps she needs a rethink?

If the activity is spa related I'd happily not do that. What's the decor that's being paid for?

I think that it's a lot of money for a hen do tbh.

I could afford it but probably would give it a miss.

theunsure · 19/03/2018 15:59

What sort of accommodation is it - is it a hotel room? How many sharing?

I'd pay £120 a night for a hotel room easily, so with food on top it's potentially a bargain. But I suppose it depends on the demographic of your guests and what price they expect. If I was 20 and still a student then it is a lot. At almost 40 it's well within my budget.

Are the hens expecting a trip away? Does it have to be 2 nights?

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 15:59

Right so 18 people, driveable from Edinburgh and spa facilities? Any other requirements?

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 16:00

When is it for op?

WeeM · 19/03/2018 16:01

Does it need to be in a castle? Have you looked at log cabins type of thing, round Loch Lomond or Callander area maybe? Although if it’s in peak season you are looking at they are gonna be dear then.

JessyJames · 19/03/2018 16:01

No way. Few drinks and dinner would be my limit.

kubex · 19/03/2018 16:01

I wouldn't pay that much for a hen do unless it was with a very small, close group of friends/family.

Factoring in extra costs like petrol, extra drinks etc it's going to be far more that you think too!

And while flights from London to Scotland can be cheap if booked far enough in advance, the times are usually very inconvenient. The trains are very, very expensive - I paid £311 for a return from London to Edinburgh a few months ago!

Original poster

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:02

@diddl not a huge amount, just things like a banner, some balloons etc. I could definitely ditch that stuff but it wouldn't make a huge difference to the cost, the activities and games are costing more. I think I could ditch that stuff though and make it optional - it would then cost more per person but at least people could choose if they wanted to pay.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 19/03/2018 16:02

If your friends are all fairly well off and you know they could reasonably afford this then fine. But I doubt this is the case for most people. There will be folk that won't afford £240 so yabu to chose such an expensive weekend. Even if I could afford it not sure I'd want to spend all weekend with a bunch of females drinking Prosecco and playing daft games. Can't think of anything much worse in fact.

RavenclawRealist · 19/03/2018 16:02

It is a lot of money but people have a will have paid more so I don't think it's outrageous to ask as long as there is no guilt trip when people decline!

My worry as a hen on this kind of thing would be people dropping out and making the rest of the group responsible for more and more in my experience with big groups and accommodation isn't fab!

RunMummyRun68 · 19/03/2018 16:03

is the food restaurant food? or any self catering?

Original poster

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:03

@heedmove that should cover it! It's for September (first week)

OP posts:

AdalindSchade · 19/03/2018 16:03

Why do you need to be in a castle? Why does it need to be 2 nights? Edinburgh is an amazing city and if most of you are local then book a spa day and meal with those travelling from a way away able to sort their own (cheap) accommodation or even be put up on air beds by the local hens?!

Original poster

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:03

@RunMummyRun68 all self catering

OP posts:

BringMeTea · 19/03/2018 16:03

I think that is reasonable for what is included OP BUT it depends on the participants’ means. I guess thos travelling a long distance kinda already know the travel costs involved and can agree to go or not.

Overcooked · 19/03/2018 16:03

Can you list the individual prices so we can see if savings could be made, so how much for the accommodation, food etc?

AdalindSchade · 19/03/2018 16:04

I'm the social worker of that group and I'd travel and do a spa and meal if I could sleep on someone's floor and book my travel well in advance to get the cheapest options. £240 plus travel plus sundries is well out of my purview.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 19/03/2018 16:05

Well, in that case it sounds fab, and go for it.

A few people will drop out, for sure, would that push up the cost?

londonista · 19/03/2018 16:05

I think it's okay for what you've described, I would pay if it was someone I knew well but not if it was anyone else to me (like my cousin).

You could probably also just organise for a night out as well, if others just want a smaller affair? I think that's quite a common thing, have a drink with the bride to be before the big day, nicer for the older rellies as well.

Reallycantbebothered · 19/03/2018 16:06

You could get a fab meal in a Michelin star restaurant for half that price! know what I'd prefer

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