Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 19/03/2018 15:45

I don’t understand people who say “can’t you just have a local night out” - surely not everyone’s friends all live in the same town? My friends live all over the place, some people are always going to have to travel to celebrate other people’s events.

I’d go to this OP. But best to contact everyone first and sound them out about budgets

OfficerVanHalen · 19/03/2018 15:45

if that's what she has her heart set on then she best get a loan out and pay for it. it's not up to her friends to skint themselves to give her the hen do of her dreams, and emotionally blackmailing them into it by being 'upset' if loads of them can't or don't want to go is a total dick move.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:46

@SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus she's not the first - around 1/3 of friends already married I would say. None with kids so far. Annual leave would only be 1 day because it's over a weekend but I totally agree that even that is a big ask

OP posts:
CremeBrulee · 19/03/2018 15:46

Unless all the guests are well paid professional types who won't even have to think about it, it is too much. And the price you are quoting is the minimum it will be, you need to tell them how much it will be if some do not attend.

Really don't get the 'it's her last night out' mentality. It's really not, it's just a party to celebrate her forthcoming marriage, not the last of anything.

whyohwhy111 · 19/03/2018 15:47

My OH stayed in the Highlands in a castle for a stag and it was £150 all in so I think you should look around a bit more.

WorkingBling · 19/03/2018 15:47

You need to talk to the bride. It sounds like you have a similar situation to what happened for my hen party. By BF, bless her, has plenty of money and is happy to spend it on me. So she was making gorgeous plans for a lovely spa weekend. However, somehow, she'd completely MISSED that not all my friends would be in a position to pay this. Until eventually, one of the other bridesmaids approached me to explain how awkward it was all getting.

Obviously, this is a slightly different situation where the bride is the oblivious one, but I think your plan to talk to her is the best one. It's a LOT of money. You could pre-empt the conversation with a quick email to the group explaining that as per the bride's request you're looking at the following but, assuming most people come, the cost will still be £250 or so and asking each of them to respond, privately if necessary, to let you know what you think. Following input from the group, you'll relook at plans and/or discuss with the bride as necessary.

KateAdiesEarrings · 19/03/2018 15:48

I'd pay £240 for a weekend away with friends but not for a hen night because hen nights always have people you don't know and people you don't like.

HaHaHmm · 19/03/2018 15:49

What is it going to cost guests to attend the wedding?

LagunaBubbles · 19/03/2018 15:49

How many people is the £240 based on?

rocketgirl22 · 19/03/2018 15:49

No way it is too much!!!!!

A scottish bloody castle for a hen night, I am just amazed anyone will go and fork out what is definitely going to be a 500 break once everything is paid for.

People will pull out and it will become even more expensive.

Unless she was my bf (whom would never be so inconsiderate) I wouldn't be going

FuzzyCustard · 19/03/2018 15:49

Re travel costs. Flights can be cheap if you don't mind travelling at some odd times...I'd expect the time window for this weekend would be pretty narrow and also factor in driving/train/taxi to the airport and parking fees.

But I loved the typo of a return FIGHT to Glasgow!

pattimayonnaise · 19/03/2018 15:49

Most hen parties I've been to for my friends (and also my own) were about this much. It's a ridiculous amount for some and not for others, the only way to find out is to let all the people invited know the plans and ask them. From their responses you'll then know whether it's going to be possible to do it this way or not.
If it's a while away then do a payment plan, first 100 by x date etc and then it's not so much money all in one go. If the responses show people don't want to pay it then you can think of something else to do with the budget you have. Hope it goes well, it's tough work organising a hen do! I did my sister's last year, never again!!

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:50

@heed it needs to be close enough to Edinburgh to be driveable there and back in a day (complicated other reasons for that) but I am flexible otherwise.

@workingbling that's really helpful advice thank you! I'm definitely going to do that

OP posts:
Proudmummy2MA · 19/03/2018 15:51

It sounds like a reasonable price for what is included, but it's very expensive for a hen party! There is no way I could afford to pay that, even if the bride was a close friend or family member.

Especially as there is also the cost of going to the actual wedding (plus gift, outfit, travel etc) as well.

afrikat · 19/03/2018 15:51

Personally I'd be fine with it. For me, I wouldn't want to travel a long distance for just one night out. And once you've paid for dinner, drinks, chipped in for games etc you wouldn't save that much.

The stock response on MN is to whinge and moan about any hen do that isn't under £10 and spent in the local pub. In reality most people are happy paying a few £100 for a fun weekend presumably spent with close friends.

WeeM · 19/03/2018 15:52

It’s really difficult and I don’t envy you. I have been on a hen night in town and it’s cost me over £100 and it wasnt that great. I’d personally rather have spent a bit more and made a weekend of it. I have been on a weekend one and it was £200 all in including all food and drink for one of the nights - it was a fab weekend. But it’s maybe all relative to who is there, how many folk you know etc.
The two people in London are going to have the added cost of getting to Scotland regardless, maybe they would rather make the journey for something more than a night in the pub...maybe something the bride can chat to them about.
What I do think is unreasonable is putting the cost up for others if people pull out. I think the price quoted to people has to be it.
Could you maybe bin off the activities if they are adding cost? I always think people are just as happy to mooch about at pool or bar or whatever.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:52

@HaHaHmm I don't know really - depends on where they live etc. It's not anywhere remote or hard to get to.

@lagunabubbles that's based on 18 people (I know - crazy. I had 6 at mine including myself!)

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercups21 · 19/03/2018 15:52

Depends on the group and their jobs/income/lifestyle!

If they all know eachother from private school, go skiing every year, have well paid jobs etc it would be fine

If most are struggling to just live....not fine!

You probably know

MaverickSnoopy · 19/03/2018 15:53

I wouldn't go and haven't in similar situations. My friends never understood but I just couldn't afford it. They got over it in time.

First explain costs to the bride, especially for those travelling.

If you do go ahead then the invite should state that the cost is x per person but that it is based on everyone coming and that once numbers are confirmed you can confirm the final cost. Explain this to the bride before you send it and see what she says.

I would also ask for money upfront before booking or it will cause all sorts of problems. Don't book anything until absolutely everyone who says they are coming has paid.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:54

Thank you to those offering sympathy - this has been more stressful to organise than my own wedding! Will be a very happy bunny when it's over Grin

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/03/2018 15:54

Who would actually care that the price per head goes up if they don't go?? That sounds like a bums on seats job, and I wouldn't feel remotely guilty giving it a swerve.
If the bride to be is going to get upset when people back out, suggest she does something else that the majority of her friends actually want to be a part of.

Earlyup · 19/03/2018 15:54

If I had to pay that for a unique, luxurious weekend with really close friends and chat? Maybe.

If I had to pay that to go to a party with a load of people I'd never met who just want to get pissed? No way.

lalaloopyhead · 19/03/2018 15:55

I suppose a lot of it also depends on what kind of crowd you are. Reasonably well off, with no kids/childcare issues (ie potentially more disposable income) then it might not be an issue.

Last time I went on a hen do I was a single Mum and I had to bow out early as I couldn't justify the expense of it.

I have a weekend away planned with a friend later in the year, and including travel, hotel, tickets and booze the cost will be over £200 and I am more than happy to pay that. I wouldn't be happy to be told I was paying that to do what someone else wants to do....but I am an inflexible introvert so a large group doing prearranged activities is a nightmare thought to me.

Bazzle · 19/03/2018 15:55

It's hardly a ridiculous cost if everyone wants to do it!!!

If her friends can afford it and want to come then it sounds like a fabulous weekend. But that's their choice to make.

KitKat1985 · 19/03/2018 15:56

To put this into some sort of context OP, I tried to organise a hen night once. Most of the hens friends all lived pretty close to the same city, so I organised it there to minimise transport costs and no need to stay overnight. I tried to organise a show with dinner included (and complimentary cocktail) for £45. I'd say about 50% of those invited said that was too expensive for them. Plus because I didn't know many of her other friends that well no bugger wanted to transfer money to me, and in the end only 1 person out of about 15 paid (and I sent about 3 reminder messages out). And I sure as fuck was paying upfront for loads of people I didn't know that well on the vain hope they would pay me back and not drop out. In the end I had to scrap the whole idea and just organise dinner and drinks. I would be very, very wary of paying too much money upfront for a deposit if I were you (or insist people pay you a deposit money for you to book their place).

Swipe left for the next trending thread