Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 19/03/2018 15:32

if people don't come it increases the cost for others because the accommodation is a fixed cost

I can tell you right now that this is going to turn into a logistical nightmare.

ILookedintheWater · 19/03/2018 15:32

plus transport, outfits and more booze?
Hmm. The fact that you say this is for lots of people makes me thingk that they aren't all very close friends which means lots will drop out and those left behind will end up paying £500 each if you aren't careful. Do not pay out for the deposit until you have all the deposits in and something in writing from each person that they will definitely attend (ideally the whole venue cost paid up front to you)

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/03/2018 15:32

My blood runs cold at the thought of activities!

By the way, OP, I hope you're not going to book anything until everyone's paid up - it can get really nasty with large groups of people.

FuzzyCustard · 19/03/2018 15:33

£50-£100 to travel from London to Scotland? On what planet is that? I'm guessing the train fare would be more like £200-£300.

I think it is far too much to ask for a hen occasion. I wouldn't go. Just go down the pub for a drink.

nancy75 · 19/03/2018 15:34

I’m not married, but can’t imagine expecting more than a piss up with my mates in the pub if I had a hen night!
The price sounds good for what you have organised op, the problem is it’s a cheek to expect people to spend it on an event that’s not even for them.

Buxbaum · 19/03/2018 15:34

Is the bride aware that this is the cost, and that it might preclude some from coming?

Does that price cover the bride's costs or is she paying for herself?

MsHarry · 19/03/2018 15:35

I’m not married, but can’t imagine expecting more than a piss up with my mates in the pub if I had a hen night!

Why? It's not your last night out.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:35

Yeah, definitely not going to book until people know the costs and have confirmed.

You're all confirming what I thought really which is that it's just too much. I'm happy to pay it because she's my best friend etc but it's so much money for all the others and I don't know everyone's financial circumstances at all.

OP posts:
RunMummyRun68 · 19/03/2018 15:36

what activities?

MsHarry · 19/03/2018 15:36

OP I think you would get more people if you planned one night out with drinks and a meal and a night's accommodation. I got one would not want to give up my whole weekend for a hen night.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2018 15:36

'it's so hard to find the right balance. I will totally understand if people don't want to come as a result but the bride might be upset - and of course if people don't come it increases the cost for others because the accommodation is a fixed cost'

Stop indulging her. Someone needs to tell her the truth: that she's expecting too much.

And these kinds of things, where the costs goes up if people pull out, never work. The ones who are stuck asking to stump up more have to pull out as it becomes unaffordable.

I wouldn't spend that for a hen do. And travel, from London? It can cost a lot.

Doobigetta · 19/03/2018 15:36

It's far too much. You need to tell the bride that, and if she is upset she needs to get over herself. Does she really want to guilt trip and bully her friends into spending more money than they are comfortable with? If she'd rather do that than be a bit more grounded in her expectations, she isn't a very nice person.

RedSkyAtNight · 19/03/2018 15:36

Depends on the financial situation of the folks you are inviting, surely? I wouldn't spend that sort of money on a weekend or my choice away with very close friends/family so I certainly wouldn't spend it on hen weekend. But if all your guest have plenty of disposable income and are happy to spend it, then why not.

Tink2007 · 19/03/2018 15:36

That’s a lot and I wouldn’t pay it.

Plus a train from London to Scotland comes in around £200 return.

MsHarry · 19/03/2018 15:36

*I for one

Buxbaum · 19/03/2018 15:36

Also - this isn't your remit but it would be wise to be mindful of the costs associated with the wedding. Is everyone paying to stay in an expensive hotel, travel to a distant location, expensive gift list? IMHO if attending the wedding is expensive then the hen needs to be a bit more affordable.

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 15:37

Fuzzycustard I have booked return fight glasgow to London for 30 quid return loads of times.

Emaline · 19/03/2018 15:37

I suppose it depends on your friends' incomes but IMO YABVU. I would only even consider going if it was my sister or best mate. Except they would never ask that! That's a huge amount of money considering it doesn't cover much alcohol (for a whole weekend's boozing) and travel.

Have you paid the deposit? The pp who said numbers will drop when the price is advised are right and that may spiral if it continues to go up for the rest.

Can you perhaps show the bride this thread and discuss ways of keeping her ideas but dropping the cost? For example I went on a Scottish hen where we stayed on a castle estate in lovely cabins and had one of the evening dinners in the castle itself. Other dinners and drinks in lovely local pubs so less expensive.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:37

@FuzzyCustard I was basing that on flights which are usually £45 - £60 for a return between London and Edinburgh but yeah, would be a lot more for train travel!

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 19/03/2018 15:37

I'd say that's a lot of money for 2 nights.

kinorsam · 19/03/2018 15:37

She needs to be the one to talk to her friends and find out whether they are prepared to blow that much money on a hen do.

Some might be fine, but to be honest, if they are travelling & paying for hotels etc to go to the wedding itself (especially for those who live a long way away), plus outfits etc and a wedding present, then they might think the bride is taking the piss.

soulrider · 19/03/2018 15:38

It's difficult organising a hen do because people have different expectations.

The one hen do I arranged I tried to make sure that people could attend as much or as little as they wanted. So everyone came to the meal, some did the activity beforehand, some stayed the night before and the night after, some didn't stay at all.

I personally wouldn't pay £240 for a hen do, even if it was all in.

EB123 · 19/03/2018 15:38

I hate all this hen stuff now. It is meant to fun a night out not a weekend exckusively for those who have the cash.

Oly5 · 19/03/2018 15:38

I’d tell the bride the cost and ask her to speak to her friends to find out if it’s too much. What somebody said up thread is true - brides need to realise nobody is as excited about their wedding as they are!

surgeryadvicepls · 19/03/2018 15:38

You’ll have to discuss this with the bride surely? I guess it depends on everyone’s individual financial situation and if this sort of cost for an event is the norm for her friends or not. If the bride is well off and insistent on this exact hen do, could she front some of the costs eg travel / transportation? Personally I wouldn’t attend a £200-£300 hen do unless the bride & I were close - so you may find some of her friends will drop out

Swipe left for the next trending thread