Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 19/03/2018 16:07

I didn't go to sisters hen do which cost similar. Just could not justify the cost . I was also chief bridesmaid (but wasn't in charge of the hen do) it didn't go down well but I could genuinely not afford it

londonista · 19/03/2018 16:07

BTW, I paid a lot less than this for a largish group of girls for a weekend away at Cameron House. I think wrong side of Scotland for you though isn't it OP.

CoffeeOrSleep · 19/03/2018 16:07

So of the 18, the student and the dog walker are the only ones who arent on above average wages and none have DC? Sounds reasonable for most.

Re price it for 12 and say that to the bride. How would she feel about level and might it make the student and dog walker friend feel they can't go? Would she rather you found something more in their budget? Does she have the sort of relationship where she can throw in money for them without it being akward? (Be aware the social worker and police officer might not be able to get the time off and if it's not in school holidays, the teacher won't. Also check it's school holidays where she teaches if you are working around her schedule!)

Tell everyone the price for 12, see what response you get - don't commit personally to anything until you have money from everyone. Bare in mind that £260 isn't that much that if you can afford it, you would need to pay in installments. Ask for full payment ASAP.

takeTheRestJustForALaugh · 19/03/2018 16:08

@Avasarala

Ha ha. £240 on dinner?

Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester (my Birthday meal) was £140 for the 7 course tasting.

@Ihatemyclients

I think it seems like a lot. I can imagine doubling the cost with booze and travel.

Whatever happened to a night in a few bars?

notthatonethanks · 19/03/2018 16:08

I wouldn't mind paying that if it was a close friend but it sounds like an organisational nightmare.

A lot of people won't give you a straight answer if they're coming or not, won't pay up, will drop out and increase costs to others etc. Don't do it OP!

MrsBartlettforthewin · 19/03/2018 16:08

As a teacher I couldn't afford that. Plus if it is self catering who is doing all the cooking?

londonista · 19/03/2018 16:09

ThirtyRock - that's such a shame! That must have been awful for you.

OP - it depends on who the bride's besties are. I think it would be unfair to organise such a thing if key BFFs wouldn't be able to afford it. Puts them in a bad position.

cloudtree · 19/03/2018 16:09

a bottle and a half of prosecco per person for a whole weekend? That isn't going to be nearly enough which will also push up the cost.

TatianaLarina · 19/03/2018 16:09

Unlike other MNers I generally enjoy weddings. However, I really could not be arsed with 2 days with a bunch of women that I may or may not entirely like, and I would certainly not fork out for the privilege.

If you add that to wedding outfit, present, travel - you’re looking at about £500.

TatianaLarina · 19/03/2018 16:10

You could get a fab meal in a Michelin star restaurant for half that price!

Quite.

QuizteamBleakley · 19/03/2018 16:10

Assuming the wedding and hen do are relatively close together, it's an awful lot of money for people to pay out. Hen do + new outfit, childcare, hotel, wedding present... Shit no. Sounds a little bridezilla to me.

Luckyme2 · 19/03/2018 16:11

You're just going to have to gauge opinion from them all and feed it back to the bride. You can't assume certain professions will be able to pay. You don't know what their outgoings are. Also being able to afford something and wanting to spend that much are 2 different things. Plus I know a dog walker and he's got much more disposable income than you'd think! 😂

Thatoneagain · 19/03/2018 16:11

How well off are the other friends? And do many of them have children? Most people I know would not be able to justify what will end up being at least about £300 (when additional drinks, travel etc) are included for a hen do and quite a few even if they could afford it wouldn't want to be away from the children for a full weekend (especially if they're working all week).

I'd be worried that if you book the accommodation then only a few very close friends commit to coming there will be a small number of you paying a lot of money. Could you contact those that the bride wants to invite before you commit to see if you can get an idea of how many would actually come? It might be that actually you could manage in somewhere smaller/cheaper.

Figgygal · 19/03/2018 16:11

Sorry if I have missed this but have you spoken to the bride about how much this will actually cost her guests maybe she just doesn't realise?

If she does though and doesn't care then yes she is being a complete bridezilla actually to expect these things and not care about how much it's going to cost people sorry I wouldn't be paying it not even for my best friend and I certainly would never expect someone to pay that much either

TheBlindspot · 19/03/2018 16:11

It just depends on people circumstances I think. Three years ago, I went on a hen weekend that cost me £250, included everything except drink and we had a lovely cottage in the south. I had a great time and didn't mind paying it. But three years ago OH and I had no kids, a small mortgage and both worked in jobs which put us over the 40% tax bracket, so a decent disposal income.

Three years later, we've got a family home (larger mortgage) one toddler, one more on the way and I'm a SAHM so we're on one income. No way could I afford to do that now, a weekend away like that is a family treat.

ReallyExhaustedLlama · 19/03/2018 16:12

Just a thought - I would calculate the cost based on fewer attending as this is the most likely scenario (e.g. 12-14) before you let people know how much it will be. Otherwise it will be creeping up and up as people decline which is more likely to annoy People. You can always reduce the cost of more come. And definitely get a deposit from enough people you commit...

SpringNowPlease2018 · 19/03/2018 16:12

I hear a lot of stories of hen organisers not telling the bride any of this stuff - I don't get it. She should know how much it costs and if her expectations can't be met.

speakout · 19/03/2018 16:13

OP - just don't.

As others have said the price will creep up. Even those who say they will be coming - you will get a few last minute drop outs.
Then the others will get the hump because the price will shoot up by another £60 at the last minute, and one or two of those will change their minds.
You may be out of pocket or even having to cancel at the last minute and lose your deposit.

I would back out now and arrange something sensible.

cloudtree · 19/03/2018 16:13

I earn six figures and I think its too much to ask of people (although from my perspective it's the time - whole weekend -that would cause issues).

Brides lose all sense of perspective with these things. She needs to understand that the cost of the wedding itself is probably something some will struggle with, let alone having this to factor in on top.

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/03/2018 16:15

Its not bad for a weekend away but its a hell of a lot to ask for a Hen party.
people feel obliged to come and they have the expensive of the wedding to come as well.

If went to a Hen costing that I wouldn't be able to take my kids away in the summer. Obviously I wouldn't go.

But I expect that £240 isn't a lot to a lot of people.

OneStepSideways · 19/03/2018 16:15

I wouldn't go at that price. It seems cheeky to ask IMO. Doesn't the bride usually cover part of the cost or throw a few hundred at it from the wedding budget? After all you're inviting guests to celebrate her impending marriage, not on a mini break where you have a choice of accommodation/food options. To not even provide drinks is really stingy. You're expecting hens to pay £250 each plus travel. And take time off work, sort childcare etc. Will they be sharing rooms and bathrooms or have a room each?

KitKat1985 · 19/03/2018 16:15

I think what you need to do at this point is send out a text along the lines of:

'Hi I'm x MOH and organising her hen night. She would like to do a weekend in Scotland on x date with x activities included. I've looked into some provisional costs and it will be about x amount, depending on exact numbers attending. Could you please give me a provisional yes or no by the end of the week as to if you think you will be able to attend so I can accurately work out costs and numbers. Many thanks, Ihatemyclients'.

At least then you should be able to gauge people's reaction to the costs and how many people would be likely to attend. If you get lots of replies of 'sorry that's too much for me' I'd go back to the bride and say you can organise the weekend away but a lot of people can't come, and would she still want you to arrange this or just organise something simpler so more people can come.

Icantbelieve · 19/03/2018 16:15

No. And the London people may not come. It’s a weeks wage for a lot of people and if any have kids and are paying Nursery fees they won’t have the cash spare. And if you need everyone on board or the cost will go up then it will be tricky.

I do sympathise though!!!

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 16:17

@londonista tragically Cameron house has burned down! So sad as it was lovely!

V good suggestion to price it on basis that some will drop out to save nasty surprises.

I'm going to have a chat with the bride. I doubt she's realised exactly how much it's going to cost to fulfil her wishes (and while I totally understand that this thread doesn't paint her in the best light she's genuinely lovely and won't want people to feel pressured or bullied). I've probably been stupid not to have the conversation with her already to be honest.

OP posts:
cloudtree · 19/03/2018 16:17

LLama that's a really good idea. OP you should base it on 12 attendees and then people will be pleasantly surprised if it comes down (although that pushes up the price to £360!)

Shock I've just done that calculation. 18 people at 240 per head comes to £4320 plus travel alcohol and food for her preferred hen do!!!! My whole wedding didn't come to much more than that!