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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Borntobeamum · 21/03/2018 09:38

Some of these brides need to lower their expectations!

Hormonequeen · 21/03/2018 10:04

Really feel for OP here as have been in similar position. Whatever you say she does sound like a bridezilla and mine certainly was! The whole wedding ended up costing those of us who jumped in and did everything demanded of us well over £1000 and I still resent it to this day. Your bride needs a reality check OP....

steppemum · 21/03/2018 10:06

sorry, I wouldn't be coming, even if you were my sister/best friend.

I do not have that amount of money for a weekend jolly.
And then there will be the wedding to pay for !

ladybirdsaredotty · 21/03/2018 10:16

I wouldn't go. In fact, I didn't. A close friend who I used to live with had a similar thing about a 3 hour drive away. Sod. That. This friend was als9 engaged for 5 years so we got to hear about the ins and outs of every aspect of the sodding wedding every time we met up. I wouldn't care about my own wedding as much as I seemed to be expected to care about hers! Final straw was after the wedding itself when she moa ed that a family of 4, who had travelled for 6 hours to be there and bought new outfits, had only spent 15 quid on the wedding present. I went off her massively that day. Rarely see her now Hmm

ladybirdsaredotty · 21/03/2018 10:16

Sorry for typos!

caringcarer · 21/03/2018 10:58

It is simply too expensive. Maybe some friends are already married and have children. Why not either stay 1 night in castle or book travel inn. I could afford it but would only spend that much on hen do if for sister, daughter, niece or 2 very best friend's. Other hens £150 max and that would include travel. Alternatively is bride willing try o subsardise the cost for hens to get what she wants?

caringcarer · 21/03/2018 11:12

For my hen do I had a pub crawl with very large group of friends. Because it was cheap about 40 friends, colleagues and sisters all went. We had a kitty for booze and pre negotiated a 10% discount on booze in several pubs also got crisps and nuts at another free because of flour of booze bought. Great night.

kateandme · 21/03/2018 11:13

I assume if shes asked you to organise this kind of event she knows those shes invited can afford such a weekend.some people out there can.easily even.
I think its very hard t ask on here as so many people on completely different ends of the money scale come here.there are people this would be a jaunty weekend of loveliness and people who cant afford a blade of grasss from this hotel!but it doesn't make what you've done any less lovely.
so for what it is I think it perfectly reasonable.hotels are 100 a night now in most places.
so its more to do with what people can afford just as an everyday norm.and whether this is it.
but if shes asked for this id like to assume she knows her friend an afford this and wont be offended or making some upset to ask them of it.
is there a fb group or WhatsApp to sound people out.

caringcarer · 21/03/2018 11:39

My dd had week hen in Barcelona but only invited 2 cousins she is very close to, her future Sil and 2 best friends who were bridesmaids. They rented apartment and it was more of a holiday and to get tan. Once home had evening out hen for all of her friends. She would have not expected all friends to spend cost of week.

LagunaBubbles · 21/03/2018 12:11

TheScottishPlay but they are coming from London. France is closer, cheaper and also has castles. And much cheaper wine

France is closer to where SomewhereontheM6? London maybe, but seeing as only 2 people are coming from there and the other 16 are based in Scotland, I dont think France is closer!

expatinscotland · 21/03/2018 12:40

'Is it just me who thinks it's the height of entitlement to suggest that people SAVE to afford hen dos? I mean, wtf?'

NO! Absolutely ridiculous expectation but it comes up here a lot. 'They had a year to save!' 'We're having a destination wedding and sending Save the Date cards so people have time to save.'

The sense of entitlement around weddings is unbelievable. Couples having a destination wedding in a remote location with few options for lodging expecting people to take off work, pay loads and find childcare as the wedding is also childfree seem to be common usually with a request the guests hand over money as a gift.

'Final straw was after the wedding itself when she moa ed that a family of 4, who had travelled for 6 hours to be there and bought new outfits, had only spent 15 quid on the wedding present.'

Oh, yeah, you see that on here a lot, too. 'Cover your plate plus extra as a gift' 'In Ireland it's at least 200 euros a couple' '20 pounds is really tight, can you not save/sell a kidney to give them more?'

beautifuldaytosavelives · 21/03/2018 12:57

I couldn't pay that much, nor would I want to if I could! Echo PP's who say get a cheap all inclusive and have a booze fuelled send off!

yerbutnobut · 21/03/2018 13:35

Each to their own but when i got married I would never have expected my friends to pay such a high cost just to attend my hen do, I'd be too embarrassed to propose such an idea, nobody cares as much as you do about your own wedding and all that comes with it.

EdgeOf17 · 21/03/2018 13:48

Have you spoken to the bride yet OP?

Secretly-wondering if she is still 'vairy lovely' or has gone full on Bridezilla yet!

Goldmonday · 21/03/2018 16:23

Fuck. That.

ladybirdsaredotty · 21/03/2018 16:39

Expat that was her exact attitude in fact, that we should all be picking something off the John Lewis wedding list that was equal in value to the amount they had spent to have us there. Even though we'd all spent loads to get there/stay for 2 nights, when actually, no-one asked them to have a 20k plus wedding with shit food Confused

ApproachingATunnel · 21/03/2018 16:55

So £240 for a weekend with potentially a bunch of strangers which you won’t neccessarily get along with or like their company? It’s easy another £50 for additional alcohol, plus travel expenses. Im sure the bride will have a set for preferences for her wedding as well (not a bridezilla you say? Not so sure!)
I wouldn’t go but perhaps in her friends circle £240 is nothing.

squeaver · 21/03/2018 17:26

Time for my hen night/weekend rant...

  • I HATE hen nights
  • The worst part about hen nights is the forced coming-together of different groups of friends.
  • Who wants to spend a fortune to be holed up somewhere for two days with a bunch of people you don't, or barely, know? Or worse, sharing a room or even a bed with them!
  • Can you honestly - honestly! - say that you have been on any hen night which would feature in your top 10 best ever nights out?
  • They are hideous, awkward, cliquey, drink-too-much--to-make-it-bearable nightmares.
  • And you had to pay HOW much to do it??
ReversingSnail · 21/03/2018 17:43

That would be way more than I could afford and I would decline. Even if it was a wedding invitation, with a probable cost that high I would still decline unless it was my best friend or close family.

ballroompink · 21/03/2018 18:01

Would absolutely not go under any circumstances as it is far too much money. If I was going to spend that on a weekend away it would be for something like a lovely minibreak with DH. The travel costs would almost double the amount to pay in my case. Not sure what's so bad about a normal meal/drinks night out type thing. Hen parties have got ridiculous.

Goldmonday · 21/03/2018 18:51

Time for my hen night/weekend rant...

This made me laugh out loud as I could have written it myself. IME even the brides don't enjoy them, of the three hen nights I've been on (my own included) the bride was in tears at midnight asking her fiancé to pick her up.

If I could do it again my idea of a dream hen night is a night at home with a few close friends, lots of food, music and wine.

I would never spend over 100 on a hen night, I would rather put the money toward a weekend away with DH.

Motoko · 22/03/2018 00:56

I had my hen night at home. Didn't fancy traipsing around town, and having to stand up in the pubs because all the seats had been taken already.

Instead, we had a cocktail night in the warm, with comfy seats and beds to crash into when needed. Cheap too, as each of us provided a bottle of spirits, and one of my hens also brought bits such as cocktail brollies and stirrers.

It was fun.

BanyanTree · 22/03/2018 06:28

As with anything, you need to cut your cloth according to your means. How old are the women attending the hens? How much do they earn?

In my late 40's, I could afford that much money. I still would feel massively inconvenienced though. If I was in my 20's that much money would have taken 6 months to save. Back then I was desperately saving for a deposit on a house.

When planning a hen do you really need to work out what everyone can afford first, then organise a hen do to suit that.

AJPTaylor · 22/03/2018 06:34

i had a colleague who arranged a hen in barcelona. literally 3 people went in the end and she ended up having a meal out in the local town. being single herself and used to spending money on things like this she had failed to spot that most of her formerly single friends were married with mortgages and small children

Devora13 · 22/03/2018 09:20

If people are willing and able to pay, fine. If a lot of people can't do it, I'd say feed back to the bride and let her know she's setting the bar a bit high. Is she covering the cost of anything for her guests?

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