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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Luckyme2 · 19/03/2018 15:39

I think that's quite a lot. When I've been on overnight hen parties we've always looked at sharing rooms in hotels to keep the costs down as much as possible. Family rooms even so a £150 room becomes £50 each etc. Depends on your circle of friends but it's definitely something I think you should gauge reaction on before booking

SchoolMoney · 19/03/2018 15:39

Ask the bride if she would pay £240 plus travel and drink money for every one of her list of friends hen nights. Also mention how if less people come if it will cost more than that each and would she want them to have to pay whatever amount each.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:39

@RunMummyRun68 won't give too many details in case outing but spa-related. They do group discounts which is why it was included in overall cost (rather than being an extra)

OP posts:
EweDoEwe · 19/03/2018 15:39

So it’s likely you’ve got a situation where some people will agree to it at £240, but some won’t, and then you have to go back to those that have said they’ll attend and tell them that actually it’s more than £240 now?

Nope. This is a really bad idea and I predict it’ll end up costing you, as organiser, a fortune.

Do yourself a massive favour, don’t book anything until you’ve got the full amount of money in your account from everyone who says yes.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/03/2018 15:39

I think it sounds fine for what I am sure would be a fun and memorable weekend

welshweasel · 19/03/2018 15:40

Totally depends on people’s budget. I’d have no issue paying that but the last hen do I organised the bride was very specific about the fact that a few of her friends were on tighter budgets than us. We managed 2 night accommodation, travel, food, taxis, accommodation and alcohol for £160. If all her friends are in well paid jobs and have plenty of spare cash then it may be fine, but you need to check!

greendale17 · 19/03/2018 15:40

I wouldn’t pay that either. I just won’t spend that amount on money on anyone’s hen party or wedding for that matter

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2018 15:40

Sounds very good for 2 nights in a Castle, and food and activities, if people cannot afford it, they can decline.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:41

@Doobigetta she would never guilt trip or bully, she's not like that at all. She maybe doesn't realise the cost of what she has said she wants but she wouldn't ever be a bitch about people not being able to pay.

OP posts:
surgeryadvicepls · 19/03/2018 15:41

Bare in mind some of the guests could have childcare costs, extra travel costs like the London girls, need to book time off work etc. At £240+ it seems like a hassle really

Littlechocola · 19/03/2018 15:41

That’s ridiculous. I don’t like anyone that much to pay that!
She needs a reality check. If that is what her heart is set on then she should pay it.

CaMePlaitPas · 19/03/2018 15:41

These hen and stag party costs are getting out of hand. Why don't you just go out for a meal and a few glasses of wine?!

expatinscotland · 19/03/2018 15:42

' I was basing that on flights which are usually £45 - £60 for a return between London and Edinburgh but yeah, would be a lot more for train travel!'

The problem with the flights is that the prices vary based on time of travel. And unless they're flying out of City, they'll have to take time getting out to the airport - Stanstead, for example, is bloody far. I use the train because it's far easier and with time you need to get to the airport and fucking security, it's faster to use the train - hop on at Central, hop off at Euston and get on the Tube.

The other problem is the fixed cost of the accommodation. The threads from irate guests asked to pay more and more because people pull out as they cannot afford it are legion here.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2018 15:42

For me, I would have to decline, because £240 is a lot of my monthly budget, considering I am a STAHP, and we just have dh income. Also I could not afford the travel on top of that.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 19/03/2018 15:42

So it’s likely you’ve got a situation where some people will agree to it at £240, but some won’t, and then you have to go back to those that have said they’ll attend and tell them that actually it’s more than £240 now?

This?

hubbabubbanightmare · 19/03/2018 15:43

For me it would be too much in terms of £ and in terms of time/travel. I would also have to spend £ and travel for wedding and it's all just too much. Even for a very close friend.

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 19/03/2018 15:44

Op, where is this wedding in the scale of the bride's whole group of friends - first to get married, last etc.

If others are already married you may find that they have plans for their annual leave that doesn't include 3 days in a castle in Scotland, particularly if anyone already has children.

I wouldn't be able to do that - wouldn't be able to justify the annual leave or the cost to our family budget or want to leave young children for that length of time. The bride may need to consider how many of these things apply in the case of her friends. and then just go out for an Indian in Glasgow

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:44

If I ditch the prosecco and the activities (or at least make the latter optional) it goes down to £220 pp. the issue with that is that the activity is more expensive if people book as an option (because there is a group discount). But that might be better anyway as those who can afford it have the choice even if it is a bit more money for them. But I still think £220 is expensive so maybe it's not good enough!

I think I need to talk to the bride and do some expectations management...

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 19/03/2018 15:44

I would also ask for money up front because some will confirm and then drop out later leaving the others having to stump up!

So I'd ask all fixed costs like accommodation and anything you have to pay for like spa up front. And then they can pay the variable stuff later (like alcohol). will the Castle allow you to bring own alcohol or will they want corkage (sometimes costs more than the bottle itself).

HeyhoIndigo · 19/03/2018 15:44

Fuzzy Custard has beaten me to it. London to Scotland return by train will be waaay more than £ 100.

I would not go to this at that price, even for a best friend. I'm sure the location is magnificent, but does it really need to be ? There could be a cheap n' cheerful option where you would all have as much fun. This might free up more funds for your mate the wine merchant to supply more booze at the discounted rate if available ( useful mate to have ).

I think there might be some declining as it stands.

KitKat1985 · 19/03/2018 15:44

£240 is okay for 2 nights accommodation and all food etc. BUT I'd only go if the bride was a really close friend as that's still a lot of money (and as PP have said probably has transport costs as well). Also it basically means giving up a whole weekend, which if you have kids or a partner who you don't get to see much of in the week due to work etc then I wouldn't be prepared to go away all weekend. I think uptake will be quite low to be honest for people wanting to go for the whole weekend.

If I were you I'd plan in for a lot of people to just plan to come along on the Saturday evening for a couple of hours and head home again afterwards.

LagunaBubbles · 19/03/2018 15:44

if people don't come it increases the cost for others because the accommodation is a fixed cost

This will turn messy very easily. Are you the main organiser? £240 depends on peoples budgets but I wouldnt spend that on a hen weekend, nothing wrong with a night out at all. If people drop out then the others have to be aware their costs will increase. Do not pay a deposit on your card, just dont!

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 15:45

What area roughly op?

PerditaNitt · 19/03/2018 15:45

I don’t think it is too different from what I’ve paid for hen weekends before, so not that unreasonable. What has frustrated me is paying that much and then having to share a room with someone I don’t know that well Hmm. (If it came to a stag do, my husband wouldn’t think twice about spending this much...I think I’m far more sensible than him!)

For my own hen do, I just had one night out and because some of my friends were not working at that time, I secretly arranged with my bridesmaid to subsidise part of it myself of it so that it was cost effective for everyone. I generally dislikethe idea of full on hen weekends because you often don’t know everyone there.

HeedMove · 19/03/2018 15:45

May know of some other places to suggest to you.