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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Mummadeeze · 20/03/2018 17:58

Do you have to stay in a castle?! Seems a bit OTT to me. Surely you could have loads of fun in a less extravagant venue? That's the bit I would change to cut costs.

MFY79 · 20/03/2018 17:58

It depends who are the people invited and if they can afford it. I wanted to organise my hen do away but for some of the girls it was too costly so I decided it was more important for me to have all my friends together than going away. We had a dinner and drink in one of my local restaurant and it was lovely and what's more important everyone could enjoy it without worrying about money.

MonsteraDeliciosa · 20/03/2018 18:05

I could afford it OK... I wouldn't pay it though. There will be extra drinks and travel taking it to £300+ . I think these huge hen do's have got well out of hand. After the event, the hens will still have to fork out for the actual wedding... present, dress, shoes, travel, hotel etc... so for hen do and wedding getting towards £1000.
Sod that.

Nomorechickens · 20/03/2018 18:06

Saturday afternoon group activity in Edinburgh, cheap and cheerful meal out, pub/bar. Visitors from London can spend the rest of the weekend sightseeing.

shaddupayouface · 20/03/2018 18:08

That’s a ridiculous amount of money for a hen do. I agree with many others that a simple night out is probably all most people want to do. I’m so glad when most of my friends were getting married there was none of this nonsense. It’s the same with school leavers, huge expense on a prom. Madness!!!

Vickxy · 20/03/2018 18:09

I would not pay that. You can go abroad for a few days AI for less than that.

Kazarooney · 20/03/2018 18:12

Bargain - I have just been invited to a hen do abroad 3 nights £450.

RubyFlint · 20/03/2018 18:12

Hmmm it won’t just be the hen do will it? There’s the wedding, and the wedding outfit and the gift and drinks and accommodation etc etc It’s all a bit much I think. But at least it’s not a trip to The Galapagos 😀

TittyGolightly · 20/03/2018 18:16

I'm surprised accommodation is so expensive for a large number of people.

It’s a castle. Hmm

FlyMaybe · 20/03/2018 18:20

I think these huge hen do's have got well out of hand.

This 🔼

Icanttakemuchmore · 20/03/2018 18:24

Hen night is just that, a night. Not a whole weekend. I could afford it but that would mean other family members making a sacrifice because of me spending that amount. I'm biased as I really don't like wasting money on piss ups if I'm honest so I'd rather spend that sort of money on a weekend away for two with my dh or a night out at the theatre and a meal and still walk away with change from that amount.
But, if that's what others want then fair play to them and I'm sure they'll accept. But be prepared for some to drop out, pushing the price up. Check with all that they are prepared for the extra cost as some drop out. Make sure you get deposits from all before confirming the booking or you could end up out of pocket when more drop out as the price increases.

Annette69 · 20/03/2018 18:24

I think it’s fine, been on hen parties that cost a lot more than that, for what you are getting it’s an amazing deal.

FaveNumberIs2 · 20/03/2018 18:26

Fuck me!

I’d be happy with vodka and karaoke down the local and my friends not having to splash out!

But then, I’m cheap, and got married over twenty years ago.

I would not pay that.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2018 18:34

Yeah, a castle I think of as romantic getaway for two. The IL's gave us a night in one as a wedding gift. Lovely! Just the two of us. It had a lovely bath tub with jacuzzi jets, champers and chocolate and strawberries, it was Summer so we strolled round the grounds. Piss up with mates is more Premier Inn or Air B&B (but a lot of Air B&Bs don't want hen/stag do's for obvious reasons). A mate rented her house out on AirB&B when she and her DH had to take jobs in another city and specifically stated no stag or hen do's. A party came in and trashed the place, left the Hen and Bride to Be signs still hanging up all over the place - make up ground into the carpets, broke a sash window and one of the heaters, drink spilled all over. They recorded it all and AirB&B found in their favour to get their money back as the group violated the T&C of the hire.

ifeellikechickentonight · 20/03/2018 18:37

YABU. I went to five hens last year, imagine if they all cost that!

CheeseTheDay · 20/03/2018 18:37

I miss the days of cheap and cheerful hen parties, which can be achieved without resorting to the stereotypical 'tacky' hen parties of old.

I can't remember the last hen I was invited to, that was't either a weekend of 'fun' activities, or a week abroad. The latter is even worse. Yeah sure, I'll give up all my work and family commitments for a week, just because you're on an ego trip and want a big, showy hen!

And now I've noticed weekend weddings are becoming a thing too. DH and I were invited to one, where because the bride is American, it involved a rehearsal dinner Friday night, the wedding etc Saturday, and then a big post-wedding brunch on the Sunday. And the invitation made it very clear, there was no picking just the Saturday, you had to commit to the whole thing. Fuck off.

BraayTigger · 20/03/2018 18:38

Reasonable given everything is included but expensive for a hen. These hen dos are ridiculous nowadays such a hue expectation on the guests and TBH selfish of the bride to expect people to pay Up for a weekend away. Just do a night in a basic hotel x

CruCru · 20/03/2018 18:41

I've only skimmed the thread. The problem with Hen Dos (for the MOH who is organising it) is that it is so bloody hard to make other people happy. They all agree that they want to do something fun / special but then a load of people moan when you tell them how much it will be.

The one I organised had a few different activities in the day, drinks in a "nice" place, dinner in a more regular place and a trip to a late hours pub. It was in the town that the Bride lived in and people could come to all or part of it. I included the line that if anyone was on a very tight budget then I would do my best to accommodate that but as it was a day and evening out, there would be a cost.

I still had moaning. One woman was horrified at the cost of the (extremely reasonable) dinner and wanted me to check the bill to make sure that the restaurant hadn't added things we hadn't had.

Organising something like this can be a completely thankless task.

Mikklehaha · 20/03/2018 18:43

I would never expect my friends to shell out that kind of money for a hen do. When did it become okay to expect so much of people. Hen and stag dos always used to be a night out. People have become so self-indulgent now with these mini holidays they expect to star in. And baby showers...Christ is there no end to people’s expectations of others. I would be so embarrassed to ask so much of my friends. (Cue angry retaliation from all the people that do the things I’ve just slated 😳)

panetonnebraxton · 20/03/2018 18:45

It depends on the target audience, surely? Are most of her friends young and single with money to burn, or do they mostly have families and financial commitments?

Something you have to bear in mind OP is that in your late 20s you end up going to multiple hen parties per year! So while £300 may not seem like a WHOLE LOT for a nice weekend away all food included, it will likely be one of many such weekends that people feel they need to commit to.

PinkPolish51 · 20/03/2018 18:54

WOW!! Have just come across this post and I have to say I am by no means a "Meany" but this is one Hen Party I would be opting out of I'm afraid!!....I don't care how much I like the bride to be!!

Whatever happened to a group of girls going on a pub crawl, having a laugh, and grabbing a fish supper to eat on the way home where (god forbid) you actually sleep in your own bed and not in some poncy hotel!!

This is just a load of balloney!! £240 and all you are getting is 1.5 bottles of Prosseco (but any other alcohol has to be provided yourself separately.... so even more cost then!!??)

You must either all be mad or have more money than sense. Don't you realise how expensive it is just to ATTEND a wedding these days never the Hen Party!! ....

Jesus Wept!!!

jellyjellabi · 20/03/2018 18:55

I would never expect my friends to shell out that kind of money for a hen do. When did it become okay to expect so much of people. Hen and stag dos always used to be a night out. People have become so self-indulgent now with these mini holidays they expect to star in. And baby showers...is there no end to people’s expectations of others. I would be so embarrassed to ask so much of my friends
This

smilingontheinside · 20/03/2018 18:58

My DD is paying £350 that's without food it's mental. She's bridesmaid and feels obliged even though she dosn't earn a great deal and it will take up holiday allowance!!

Hellsbellscockleshells · 20/03/2018 19:04

I totally agree with you Mikklehaha.
It’s nit just hen do’s it’s extravagant 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th and 60th birthday party’s.

Contesse · 20/03/2018 19:05

I also already have three weddings this autumn and one will cost about €400 due to weekend in hotel, transport, gift and the drinks. If she'd thrown in another 400 quid for hen do I certainly wouldn't/couldn't be going. I've been averaging 4 weddings a year for the last few years and it's really expensive. Expensive hen dos on top are obnoxious.