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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Iseveryusernametaken · 20/03/2018 20:18

I know I sound boring, but I hate the (relatively) new tradition of hen 'weekends'. A night out is nice, but my weekends are about spending time with my partner and kids and doing all the household chores that I don't have time for in the week. I declined one recently and said I would drive (about 3 hours each way) to either the day activity, depending on what it is or the evening meal. I selfishly don't want to spend the weekend with people I mostly don't know and will only see once more at the wedding, at huge cost. Besides, I'll just be exhausted when I get back and still have a load of jobs to do. Yes, I could book the Monday off work, but then I lose a day with the kids, still have to get up early for the school run and will just spend it doing the chores that I couldn't do at the weekend. I feel bad because I really don't want to go and feel obliged.

gemgemgemgemgem · 20/03/2018 20:24

That sounds about right to me tbh. Organising a hen is a nightmare and I think you’ll always have complainers. You’ve cut where you can!

India1819 · 20/03/2018 20:27

I would absolutely pay this sounds fab.

Only on mumsnet have I come across such hatred for hen weekends. I assume differences in age/regional demographic. Given that people get married so much later these days and are often young professionals with disposable income and already scattered over the country from uni/jobs, I think trends have changed and this isn’t always relefected on here.

You know your friends. Is this sort of weekend typical?

squeekums · 20/03/2018 20:31

I wouldnt go, too expensive
Taking the piss to me

Leapfrog44 · 20/03/2018 20:32

Fucking outrageous amount to ask unless you're 100% sure every one of the guests is well off.

KirstyJC · 20/03/2018 20:43

Hen party? A weekend away? Whatever happened to group of women doing a local pub crawl with inflatable willies and L plates on??!

clairedelalune · 20/03/2018 20:49

Gudgyx - on the one hand I see why you feel that's a good deal, but what if three more friends announce they are getting married and want to do the same?! And if this is the cycle for the next five years? If you want to benefit from such a system get in there asap.. . I would bet my bottom dollar that once people have got their own dos out of the way /have got kids etc they won't want to go to anyone else's.

BusyBeez99 · 20/03/2018 20:56

Surely you organise something for her and she doesn't have any input isn't that what's supposed to happen. Since when did brides or stags have a say in their hen night. She does sound a Bridezilla to me

People really are milking this hen and stag night lark aren't they. Just go out for a meal and a drink.

LuluJakey1 · 20/03/2018 20:59

I don't think it is expensive for a weekend away in a Scottish castle, food and drink included. However, I can not think of much I would be less likely to enjoy than a hen do so find it a totally unreasonable ask.

Verbena37 · 20/03/2018 20:59

As well as the hen do, you’ve also got to think about what they will be paying for the actual wedding a special a guest....hotel, travel, outfit, gift.

So I’d say probably well over £450/500 for a couple.

Maybe just do one night in castle or isn’t that doable?

Pretty sure there are some really cool places around Scotland that aren’t castles but just as good fun....some big lodges etc...Atholl Palace Hotel etc.

Saying that though, they will all be similar prices and as it includes all food, that’s very good value. It’s just that some people will think it’s too much.

AjasLipstick · 20/03/2018 21:00

My best friend had her hen party In London for a weekend which would have cost me about 300 pounds. I couldn't afford to go and felt really upset about it.

Treacletoots · 20/03/2018 21:01

Just checking... The bride is getting a day that's pretty much solely focused around her. The wedding day. Why the f do we need to have such expensive over the top hen weekends?? Self indulgent and just ridiculous.

jnakiwala82 · 20/03/2018 21:03

I personally think it’s a lot, especially for those coming from London. I would expect a bit more booze than 1.5 bottles of prosecco for the weekend. Are the hens being asked to buy/bring additional booze? Also, don’t forget that the hens will still need to buy outfits for the wedding, and get there. I paid roughly this for a hen do but all food and booze was included and there was a lot of it! X

Verbena37 · 20/03/2018 21:08

Why not look at renting a huge house like this....
bighouseexperience.com/big-houses/kingston-tower-scotland/

Expensive for 2 nights but works out way cheaper than £245

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 20/03/2018 21:24

IMHO there’s no way I would pay that. I don’t have that sort of money and can’t imagine it being that amazing for that much money.

Duck90 · 20/03/2018 21:25

If it was a few friends then I don’t think I would mind. But with a large group I would expect lots to drop out, and then the cost per person would increase drastically. So I would be reluctant to commit to that, just in case.

Dragonbait · 20/03/2018 21:33

I'd say it totally depends on the friends! I went on a hen do last year with 20 other people and it cost £400 to Magaluf before any food or drink. Everyone was happy to pay it to go. Maybe us all being a bit older and having more disposable income helped though! I'm not sure the average mumsnet view is representative of most people I know these days who expect a 2 or 3 day hen party at a good location!

Burtonalbion2016 · 20/03/2018 21:43

Having just watched amazing hotels (Tuesday 9pm)I have decided that Giles Coron is the most jumped up and annoying twat I have had the displeasure of watching on tv.Monica is lovely and respectful of others. What do other mumsneters think?

JocastaElastic · 20/03/2018 21:51

I think if the bride is inviting friends to her hen party, then it should be her that pays for the hospitality. It seems wrong to me to invite friends to celebrate and then expect them to pay for their own accommodation, food and drink. Surely I’m not the only one who thinks that way?

Utrecht · 20/03/2018 21:51

I'd gladly pay that for a weekend away with my friends. But I definitely wouldn't pay that for a weekend away with a bunch of randoms. So how well do the women invited know each other? Are they friends, or are they just the bride's friends?

Singadream · 20/03/2018 22:39

Not read the whole thread. I think this is fine as long as a) you don't get arsey if people decline and b) you give them a break down of costs when inviting people so they can see where the money is going. TBH I think it is very reasonable for a weekend away (but also I would decline as my weekend away money would be going on a trip for me and dh, not a hen night).

Also top tip - you need to get them to send you the money in advance as soon as they say yes so if anyone drops out you aren"t stung for the amount.

BlondeB83 · 20/03/2018 22:57

I would feel uncomfortable asking people to pay that but I have paid that and more for some of my friends’ hen dos, that’s why I kept mine cheaper.

BerylStreep · 20/03/2018 23:05

I could afford this, but tbh would be unwilling to pay it. The prospect of sharing a room with someone else would really put me off.

Someone suggested way down thread of doing an online survey to gauge people's preferences. I think this is a great idea.

I also think you need to find accommodation that is charged per person as opposed to per party. It's not fair on people not to have a clear budget, and tbh I think by saying 'if 12 of us go it is XX, and if 18 go it will be YY' it just puts pressure on people to attend to keep costs down for others.

finominow · 20/03/2018 23:11

This is a pointless question to put to a group of strangers.
context is everything. Ask the hens.

bencrone03 · 20/03/2018 23:31

Yes absolutely taking the piss