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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of women are in shit relationships?

92 replies

crunchymint · 18/03/2018 14:54

It just saddens me how many women are in relationships where their partner does not respect them, belittles them, does not do their share of housework or childcare, or does not support them.

OP posts:
NSEA · 18/03/2018 14:55

I don’t think this is the majority anymore, fortunately. Though for those that are it is depressing.

Are you in this situation?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 18/03/2018 14:55

I only have a certain amount of sympathy if they choose not to leave their useless partners.

Gilead · 18/03/2018 14:57

I only have a certain amount of sympathy if they choose not to leave their useless partners.
Which just goes to show how little you know about abusive relationships, but hey, I only have a limited amount of empathy for smug people with no comprehension. Hmm

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/03/2018 14:57

No I am not in this situation, was for a brief time when young, and thankfully got out. But I still see women around me in shit relationships.

OP posts:
upsideup · 18/03/2018 14:58

Its only on mn that every other woman has a partner like that. No way in real life is one in every two men abusive arseholes and now way do that many women just put up with it.

NameChanger22 · 18/03/2018 14:59

I agree - I don't know anyone in a good relationship, friends family etc. People don't ask me why I'm single now, I think it's obvious why I'd want to be.

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/03/2018 15:00

Honestly when you are in a relationship where your partner does not treat you as an equal, it can be hard to see at first. And lots of women make excuses for their partner. Because leaving when you have kids is not an easy thing to do, even though it is for the best.

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 18/03/2018 15:00

giled my ex raped and tried to murder me actually so I know all about abusive relationships.

This is about useless men, not abusive ones.

DiplomaticBag · 18/03/2018 15:00

Its only on mn that every other woman has a partner like that. No way in real life is one in every two men abusive arseholes and now way do that many women just put up with it.

I remain fascinated by people who think that there's a Mn reality entirely separate to the world at large.

BakerBear · 18/03/2018 15:03

I think it is still the norm for the mum to do everything and dad just works.

Its much more common now for mums to work full time but they are still expected to do everything else yet the dad rarely chips in.

Many men claim to have a headache and lie on the sofa all weekend while mum does activities with the kids.

My father did fuck all with us as kids and my mum was resentful as hell and as kids we really felt it.

Although men are getting better at helping out compared to say in the 60s but it is still unfortunately expected of women to do most of everything

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 18/03/2018 15:03

I guess I'm lucky not to know anyone in a bad relationship. Mn really opened my eyes to the awful things people go through. Sad

upsideup · 18/03/2018 15:03

DiplomaticBag

Its because its not a fair reflection of the world at large. Not all women are on mumsnet and if you are in a happy relationship your are unlikely to post on the relationship topic for example. ( also people lie on anon forums to get attention)

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 15:04

I think a lot of "People" are in shit relationships, but reading about the bad ones on here doesn't mean they are the majority.

It's also obvious that there are a lot of very bitter and unhappy posters ready to scream "leave the bastard" for the smallest mistake and who see some kind of weird men conspiracy, blissfully ignoring the fact that women can be just as bad.

DiplomaticBag · 18/03/2018 15:06

some kind of weird men conspiracy

Ever come across the term 'patriarchy'? Hmm

demirose87 · 18/03/2018 15:07

No I disagree. Of course there are some but I reckon there's more happt relationships than bad ones. I don't think the majority of women would put up with this behaviour, not do I think most men are this bad.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 15:10

Ever come across the term 'patriarchy'?

oh give it a break, we're having it easy in this country, it's so much better to be a woman, I feel a bit sorry for my sons sometimes!

Ever heard of women cheating on their husband, abusing them, dumping them? Ever heard of women spending all the cash whilst the husband is working away? Get out of your comfort zone, and educate yourself.

Some People are shit, it's not a "Men vs women" world. You might have issues, but they are not the universal truth

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/03/2018 15:12

I don't see lots of posters saying LTB here unless it is justified. I suspect a lot of those who think that LTB is rarely justified on MN, are also in shit relationships.

bakerbear I agree. A lot of fathers do a bit with the kids, but if both work it is still the mum who ends up doing the majority. And that is not an equal respectful relationship.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 18/03/2018 15:17

I know lots of women in crap relationships. Some in ok ones and probably two in equal ones.

Women still have to deal with the house and kids while working. Or worse, aren't able to get a job because their DP puts pressure on them to stay at home and deal with the kids and housework.

Shoxfordian · 18/03/2018 15:19

Yeah you're right. It only takes a casual glance at the relationships board to see all the shit relationships

DiplomaticBag · 18/03/2018 15:23

we're having it easy in this country, it's so much better to be a woman, I feel a bit sorry for my sons sometimes!

That's the most ill-informed thing I've read on Mn, or close to it.

www.theguardian.com/inequality/2017/oct/11/uk-no-further-forward-on-tackling-gender-inequality-eu-league-table-shows

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/03/2018 15:42

Yes women have it easy in this country compared to say Saudi Arabia. But compared to western developed countries, our sex equality is actually very poor.

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 18/03/2018 15:52

I think a lot of it is because society still expects women to work part time or have a little job that fits around the kids. You see so many threads were the female OP states ‘we decided for me to be a SAHM cos I’d only be working for £20 a week. Then by default they’re expected to do the whole shebang without any complaints and severely compromise financial independence and ability to return to work to boot

Original poster
crunchymint · 18/03/2018 15:56

And if they divorce, she is left in a poor financial situation. At least in the past women got spousal maintenance, but now they are expected to support themselves without any recognition that the fact they worked part time, or SAHM, or did not take a promotion because they could not fit in the extra demands - all to do childcare and housework, means that they will not earn what they were capable of earning.

OP posts:
Anatidae · 18/03/2018 15:57

I agree OP.

Too many men are controlling, abusive etc

And lower down the scale, too many are just a bit thoughtless. The kind who thinks they’re babysitting when it’s their own kids and who leave all the mental load to the women/thinks they have to have a full night’s sleep for their desk job when there’s a child up at night despite the wife working too.

There are decent men out there - I had a horrible bug this week and dh packed me off to bed and did all the pick ups, drop offs, dinner bed and bath etc. (Which I reciprocated when he got it a couple of days later.)
I’m pregnant and shattered, he’s cooking tea. Just a respectful and decent division of labour.

And the UK has a long way to go. I now live in Sweden (dh is Swedish) and men here are
On the whole far more involved domestically.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 15:58

When you see how hard some dads have to fight to even see their kids, and what they have to put up if they dare having a girl friend! Read this forum, women can be horrendously bitchy and nasty, and make their other half's life miserable.

I have had women complaining about inequality in my office. Yes, they got passed on for promotions and had lower paid. The fact that they chose to work 9 to 5 whilst the others were there from 8 to 8 and at least Saturdays seemed to have escape them.
If you want to compare salaries, compare exact job, exact role, exact HOURS and responsibilities

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