To think a lot of women are in shit relationships?

[crunchymint]

It just saddens me how many women are in relationships where their partner does not respect them, belittles them, does not do their share of housework or childcare, or does not support them.

[JestFromTheWest]

Vegan that's awful. I agree that you should ask for advice on how to leave. It can be done. (I did it). Huge relocation for me.

[Elendon]

I'm sure a lot of men are in shit relationships too Babybel

My brother is. His wife was jailed for a night because of her abusive and violent behaviour towards him. They separated for a year and then got back together again. It's still as shit as it ever was. He has adult children from a previous marriage.

He is lonely and abused.

Oh and yes I do agree OP that there are a lot of women in shit relationships. I mainly have dinner parties with professional people. I wouldn't be married to any of them, though they are charming and attractive.

[kitchensinkmum]

Vegancatlover I have friends in similar relationships. Living with a prize winning manipulater , who will do anything to be in charge. One friend left her husband and he gave her nothing, no money, sold the house for half a million quid and kept all of the money. These men make their partners feel worthless and don't do anything to help with the children or house. To any lady who is In a shit relationship and feels weak and hopeless.....well you are the strong ones to survive every day with someone who doesn't care enough about you. To people who say "just leave them" you have no clue so please save your comments

[DBoo]

Between my friends and I we all experience shit with our dps and I think that's why we all accept it because it does seem the norm. You get the kind of feeling you might jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

And tbh, the shit never usually rares its head until the honeymoon period is over and at that point you're quite far in.

[VeganCatLover]

@kitchensinkmum thank you, I've cried a bit reading your post. It's a living hell and if it was as easy as just leaving, i bloody well wouldn't be here. I'm terrified and have even contemplated suicide.

[kitchensinkmum]

Vegancatlover I know friends who have been in a similar position. They thought about killing themselves or killing DH or killing both.Some men just turn into monsters quietly over the years and have no intention of taking ownership of their behaviour. Somehow you will find a way to move forward, remember you are strong because you kept going through a very challenging and testing time. It's so sad woman are still stuck and trapped in relationships that are toxic. Sending you hugs

[AnyFucker]

Kitchen nobody has said just leave

Pointing people towards professional services that can help them is not saying "just leave"

Vegan, your life is worth more. You deserve to live a life free of control. He is just a man, not a higher being. Please seek help.

[crunchymint]

Dboo Just because it is the norm amongst women you know, does not mean it is okay. And does not mean you have to put up with it.

[DBoo]

Yes I totally get that.

[NoHunsHereHun]

OP on the lower end of the shit relationship scale, I have friends who "can't" work at their previous level because they can't find jobs that fit around school hours or even wrap around care hours. No question of their DH flexing to do pick ups or drop offs. One friend has to arrange for her in laws to visit if she wants to go away for the weekend because her DH can't manage 2 kids alone. SMH.

[Blahblahdoll]

I think as I another poster has said women just have to do more. My DH is a very hands on father, does drop offs/pick ups etc & can wfh/flexi time in case of childcare issues. Yes he earns more than me but I’ve started a new career & it’s important to me. His father was a SAHD for many years so he has that model which I’m sure helps. However he does sometimes feel put out compared to his friends who have wife’s that do everything for them.

I also think people stay together out of financial constraints as life is so expensive now.

[Elendon]

I knew a couple of professionals who would never leave their children alone with their partners. They got childcare in.

These were ex Oxbridge graduates.

[MistressDeeCee]

I think that's true OP. Although it depends on what "shit" means to different people. I read threads on here that shock me. Not just the "he hits me" ones. For some reason the "he does nothing at home" ones that get to me lately. That these men are raised to think it's ok for women to work hard both inside and outside the home, whilst he won't even rinse a plate. Both younger and older women seem to be in this situation.

I do have a lovely OH. But I've had some shit relationships in the past. Although I didn't hang around once it got bad.

Mind vaguely on real life friends too. Most aren't in relationships. Best friend is, but her DH has a moany disposition which wears her down. A constant monotone. He doesn't see that he creates a depressing home atmosphere at all. That'd be shit to me.

Great men do exist. But they're very rare. It's hard to battle a patriarchal society mode that fuels a sense of entitlement. There's denial around that too. It's as if life is going backwards.

[starzig]

Don't think it is as bad as it seems. Just a disproportionate % on here.

[Fosterdog123]

I honestly don't know of many fabulous relationship. I've got friends who put up with the following and they all present to the outside world as living the dream:

• exceptionally wealthy husband who treats her like a domestic appliance
  
• one recently married in fairytale wedding who is regularly being beaten
  
• one who is a surrendered wife, putting up with her husband treating her like a silly little airhead
  
• one who is married to a womaniser but she just turns the other cheek and pretends it's not happening
  

Wouldn't swap with any of them.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

I also have a couple of single friends, who reject any nice guy as "boring" and are instantly put off if they do call the next day and are being generally nice. You can't force attraction of course, but if a guy starts treating them not so nicely, and we have days of "waiting for text/ phone call" and non-stop drama, they are hooked.
They are grown-up women, with children. Sometimes people are actively trying to be in shit relationships!

[Allabitmuchisntit]

I can’t of anyone I know, that’s in a relationship I would call ‘happy’. Settled maybe. But it’s not the same thing is it?

[Grumpyoldblonde]

I left a shit relationship last summer after nearly 20 years. It's important to realise that often relationships are not shit every single day there can be long periods of normality. You think things are back to normal, then they turn shit again.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

I can’t of anyone I know, that’s in a relationship I would call ‘happy’.

You never know what's behind closed doors, but I see elderly couples still holding hands, some middle-age couples around me still flirting, teasing and laughing with each other, they do look happy.
My life is far from perfect, but I am happy with DH.

[KochabRising]

I can’t of anyone I know, that’s in a relationship I would call ‘happy’.

I know a fair few. Generally couples who have been through a fair few things and are still going. Some married late, some very early. All seem to have a similar disposition.
I think most couples have their ups and downs but I do know a few I’d say were genuinely happy with each other. It’s actually very comforting to see that people can make it.

[AnyFucker]

There are happy relationships. Those are not the ones you see on these boards though.

[JestFromTheWest]

MistrissDeeCee I know what you mean, those threads enrage me too because the men would self-identify to coin a phrase with being good men. Yet they think it's fine to be waited on. Their wife is like staff and if they care they bury it deeply.

[WetsTheVet]

YANBU. Unfortunately most women live their life against the (biological) clock and so end up with a twat just so they can have a family and not be alone. I don't really know what the alternative is though.

[JestFromTheWest]

That is so true. I know I settled because I believed if I looked for a thoroughly decent man my fertile years would be gone. I have more confidence now and a higher bar which I understand now is key to attracting a better man but in my 30s the last decade + had shown me nothing but that men disappoint me. I could see that there were men out there treating my friends well but at that point I didn't know why that was and I was a hostage to my dwindling fertility.

[ForalltheSaints]

I agree with the OPs sentiment, even with the recognition that there are some women and men together in happy and respectful relationships.