To think a lot of women are in shit relationships?

[crunchymint]

It just saddens me how many women are in relationships where their partner does not respect them, belittles them, does not do their share of housework or childcare, or does not support them.

[KochabRising]

The fact that they chose to work 9 to 5 whilst the others were there from 8 to 8 and at least Saturdays seemed to have escape them.

Let’s turn that round.

There’s a massive structural problem in work where there’s an 8-8 culture. Because it can ONLY be done by people with children if they are facilitated in some way. That might be a nanny or it might be a sahp. And the sahp is usually the woman. So if your company is doing deals on the golf course in Miami on a twelve hour notice for the flight, or expects 8-8 work as a default, you need to realise that a couple MUST have a facilitator to do that. And if you don’t pay enough for them to hire a nanny out of hours then you’re perpetuating the sexist Male facilitation culture.

If you have kids, someone has to go pick them up and give them dinner and shockingly, even play with them a bit before bed.

8-8 culture on crap wages is exploitation. Staff your office properly.

[crunchymint]

Legally you do not have to compare the exact job, only similar work requiring skills and experience of equal value. So you may be breaking the law.

[falsepriest]

World would be a whole lot nicer if a lot more people weren't total c*nts.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

There was a thread recently that was so sad - the woman was 20 or so weeks pregnant with a planned child and ONLY THEN did she turn to Mumsnet and say " I'm really worried that my husband is controlling and abusive."

It makes me so sad that so many women in dreadful relationships only get a wake up call when they're expecting a baby - it's like it makes the scales drop from their eyes.

[crunchymint]

Men who are abusive or just shit partners, often get worse when a woman gets pregnant. Because then they know it is much harder for the woman to leave. Lots of men are never violent until the woman gets pregnant.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

In this case the OP said he had always had these traits, only now she was worried about bringing a baby into that toxic set up.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

8-8 culture on crap wages is exploitation. Staff your office properly.
it's not about staffing, and what makes you think it was crap wage?
And what makes you think that it was only a women with children who refused to consider over time?

If women don't want to sacrifice everything for work, I don't believe for a second they are wrong. Th,ey can't complain that they are being discriminated against.

I'd reverse it: because men know they will have to take care of their family eventually, they push harder. Women know they can relay on their partner, so they take it easy.

Compare the percentage of men and women in universities, and what courses are more popular for each gender. No child care issue there!

[JestFromTheWest]

I agree. Even women who arent in terrible relationships have to give more than they get back. Like in 2018 a husband is still some great prize that women fear losing.

I know some marriages are happy but the vast majority tick along with women pandering to a lazy selfish man.

Men have it so good that most couples dont even qu4stion the wife doing 65 % of housework and getting paid 65% of what her h gets paid so in the economy of the family, the h is the boss.

[crunchymint]

Rubbish. Lots and lots of women end up bringing up kids alone and with no maintenance payments from the father.
And what about lesbians? They know they can't rely on a man, and yet still earn less than men on average.

[VeganCatLover]

I unfortunately I am in a relationship like this. I have to ask him to watch the children (our children) if I want to go to the shop. I tried to broach the subject of going swimming one hour extra a week to help with my mental health but if I don't have the energy for sex then no he won't let me.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

then why are women generally less ambitious than men?
Why are there less women (I am not saying NO women) in so-called "harder" courses and jobs?

There are enough ambitious women around me who do superbly, much better than their male counterparts, to prove that if you "want" to, you can achieve everything easily.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

if I don't have the energy for sex then no he won't let me.

that's absolutely unacceptable, and it's a shame you have to put up with that. It doesn't mean that all men are like that though!

[crunchymint]

vegancatlover Have you ever thought of leaving?

[JestFromTheWest]

Yes, it is all stacked against women. Pre-kids employers eye up women of childbirth ahe as a liability. Post kids 90% of the responsibility falls to them and if their partner earns more as is statistically likely, men have the power in relationship and mothers are discriminated against by employers.

The answer is government childcare for all but men/fathers/the patriarchy doesnt want to lose its privilege.

[VeganCatLover]

I think about it every day but I don't think I can. I live for my children and the one hour a day I'm allowed out to the swimming pool.

[crunchymint]

Why don't you think you can?

[VeganCatLover]

No money, and I know he would make life hell.

[crunchymint]

vegancatlover No one is saying it is easy. But if you are in the UK, there are state benefits that you would get that make it physically possible to leave. Might be a good idea when you feel ready to post a thread in relationships asking for advice on how to leave. Women's Aid phone line can also give you advice on how to leave.

[crunchymint]

And that includes how to keep you and your children safe.

[VeganCatLover]

He isn't physically abusive, but he can be cruel (to me).

[crunchymint]

He does not to have be physically abusive to ring Women's Aid. Being cruel and controlling means that you can ring them.

[MrsMaxwell]

Read Power and Control by Sandra Horley then return to this thread.

HTH

[VeganCatLover]

Thank you

[Babababababybel14]

I'm sure a lot of men are in shit relationships too

[AnyFucker]

Vegan, him expecting you to trade sex to "allow" you to what you should be able to take for granted is wrong

This is coercive control and is
against the law. Have a good look here

You are in an abusive relationship and your children will be witnessing it. Please find a way to get you all away from him.