To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

You lucky, luck lady.

A wet nose and afternoon delight.

Op , you really are talking shite. And you gross your kids out.

We will kiss when the kids are about but there are no jack russells here I think it would more likely to be me dry humping him

It’s generally done for comedy effect rather than the horn though if it’s when the kids are there, it’s all about context. We wouldn’t sit having a pash on the sofa during family movie night or anything.

My kids are grossed out by taleggio it doesn't stop me eating it.

I am not living my life for the approval of teenagers.

I love a bit of hugging and snogging, kissing, wet nosing.......

Don't be daft OP. Sex is perfectly normal. Doing foreplay in front of your children not so. (They dislike it, intensely, and it makes them feel insecure - they do not understand the nuances of sex play)

Kissing and showing affection is quite different as is showing respect and love. Children love this and it makes them feel secure and they understand it.

HTH

Yeah... it probably seems really funny to you and dh, but to an outsider it’s tge parents of teenagers dry humping in the kitchen while their dcs have to watch, even though their mum knows they don’t like it... So, just a bit horrible imo (sorry).

Never happened to me thank God. Think your OP has too much testosterone for your good OP!

See now I’m wondering again if couples don’t kiss in front of their kids.
I suspect most people think a kiss in front of the DCs is fine...dry humping in front of them is surely different?! At least 2 posters have said they enjoy doing that, partly because it annoys their kids .
I sort of want to ask if they'd be OK with their teens doing that in front of them, with boy or girl friends (because, surely you wouldn't expect your DCs to watch you do something that you'd expect them to do more privately, as they become young adults). Surely its ...private?

What foreplay? Jesus wept. I’m not whipping his cock out to give him a quick nosh while I prepare dinner ffs.

I’m talking about we’ll have a quick kiss in passing, a teenager will say ew gross so we’ll do an overblown comedy snog and hump.

It’s funny. Believe me, they’d tell us if it wasn’t.

It’s funny. Believe me, they’d tell us if it wasn’t.

Didn’t you say they hated it? It sounds not funny, just really embarrassing to me, but maybe you have to be there... but no thanks!

What you describe isn't foreplay, it's sex.

Your OH must have great control to not get aroused in front of his children.

Mine couldn't 'help' the arousal as I was so sexy - it didn't stop him leaving me for someone else though. I had to send him out of the kitchen, just as dinner was being served. Funny that.

Respectful foreplay.

Sounds very, very boring.

If respectful snogging is foreplay, there must be a long, long list of stuff you've never got round to.

But if you want to that's fine for you. In our house we play by our rules, the dcs are happy and well adjusted they enjoy spending time with us even if they think we snog too much. They laugh at us and say we are too old - it's a joke. They are not repulsed.

Also it sounds as if it's actually part of your sex play and arousal that you do this in front of your children even though you both know they hate it.

Are you being serious elendon

You really think it’s difficult to not get an erection in front of the kids from a quick playful hump? Clearly you have been with some odd men.

What I would have given for my exDH to touch me with his penis more than 3 times a year....

I think as long as you're both on the same page, anything goes. Communication is key I'd say, but am not speaking from experience so could be talking utter shite

Yes the shout " I hate it when you do that" and throw satsumas or grapes at us.

They are not visibly sickened and traumatised. Family life is about joking and laughing.

Personally if you did this in front of friends your age at a dinner party you would be told to get a room.

Sorry @stayandfight, are you the op? Did you change names?

But then I would rather cut DP's bollocks off than go to a dinner party.

Your idea of fun and mine are very different, but that's probably a good thing on the whole.

But then you might have bamboo in the front garden for all I know.

And yes he is still odd and thankfully I don't have to put up with him anymore.

Yee hah!

No the OP is my DP he's not fixing his bike like he said.

You really need to keep up.

Um... what?

It looked like you were answering as the op, which is why I asked if you’d changed names. Sorry, I haven’t memorised the whole thread, or particularly noticed any of your posts before this one, hence me asking.

This thread is hilarious.
I love a dry hump in the mornings.
Some people on here are proper pearl clutchers