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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 12:18

You don't have to "beg" dor information! You just say "remind me what that was again" as I do with my mom. She probably thinks she's told you about it! Goodness me there's some self important twaddle on this thread

roseblossom75 · 19/03/2018 12:19

I too have a MIL who talks in riddles!

I play along with her and pretend I know what she's talking about.
By the end of the conversation she ends up more confused than I am.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 12:24

Goodness me there's some self important twaddle on this thread

That's the polite version Wink

n0ne · 19/03/2018 12:28

My DSis does this, gets right on my tits. But I don't think in her case it's for drama, more that she forgets we're not all in her head!

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 12:30

I wasn't just dragged up you know GreatDuck Wink

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 12:31

Obviously not Bit Grin

Tartyflette · 19/03/2018 12:34

Wow. Quite a bit of self-congratulatory twaddle on this thread too.

LucreziaBoredYa · 19/03/2018 13:19

This reply has been deleted

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Dobby1sAFreeElf · 19/03/2018 13:21

I think your text back was perfect. You acknowledged her, just not her fishing expedition.

Agpie · 19/03/2018 13:27

I'm an older person, and this would drive me mad, so you have my sympathy OP. It's a lack of self awareness that isn't always related to age.

I have to say though OP, in your later posts you have gotten a bit arsy, not sure if you're aware of that. Wink

2rebecca · 19/03/2018 13:34

I'd ignore the texts. She's not your mum and if your husband can't be bothered with the game playing you don't have to take it on as wifework.
If she queries you ignoring something then just say "the text didn't make sense so i presumed it was meant for someone else and ask her to be more specific if she wants a conversation.
My dad can sometimes send odd texts, but usually because he's muddled up who he's told what to and he's my dad so I'll chat to him about it. he doesn't do it as a way to avoid communicating like an adult though.

Allthewaves · 19/03/2018 13:37

The word "grand" is the perfect for all her weird text.

UnimaginativeUser · 19/03/2018 13:41

GinandGingerBeer - ah yes, the starting conversations in your head thing... My DP and his friend do this. I'd never considered it being lack of social skills, but you're right!

I go with DP to see his mate and they both spend the whole time coming out with random shit, without completing a full conversation. It used to drive me nuts, now I just sit back and watch, trying not to laugh at the randomness of it all!

DP does it to me sometimes - will randomly come out with something. Thankfully after 10 years I know him well enough to say "what the hell are you talking about?". I have also been known to say "you do realise you didn't start this conversation out loud, and I have no idea what you're going on about".

He realises he's a bit a lot weird sometimes, so takes it in good humour!

This OP's MIL is exactly the same as the FB attention seekers, just even worse because it's specifically targeted at her, not just a random post to capture as many people as possible.

I would definitely use that "that's nice" response, and only that. Then when she looks at her phone, all she'll see is a continuing stream of it, and realise she's been made.

(P.S. People that reply on FB with "u ok hun" to these attention seeking posts should be banned from social media immediately after the perpetrator - they're enabling all this nonsense!)

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 13:50

I've been called a liar, a bitch, and various other names by posters, some of which are making up facts to try and prove their posts. "Arsey" is quite restrained considering.

MIL hasn't replied since I sent the "Great, have a good time" text. I usually get texts every day so maybe I have joined the likes of DH who only get a text every couple of days (still cryptic much of the time) and if so, I am grateful.

OP posts:
Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 13:55

Oh, the posts calling me arsey and bitch aren't there any more. I am not posting random shit, truly!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 13:57

Oh OP I was just about to ask where you'd been called that.

In the main, the majority have agreed with you and you've sniped away at the people that didn't.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 14:03

BitOutOfPractice That's OK, I will ignore your posts from now on. You don't need to worry about "snipey" replies from me.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 14:04

See what I mean?!

himalayansalt · 19/03/2018 14:06

Isn't it irritating how op won't say how old her mil is? It's almost like she wants you to tease the information out of her Grin.

Op, I don't do text conversations either. People can message me information or I will do the same to others, but I refuse to chit chat by text. So if you don't want to do it with mil or anyone else then just don't reply.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 14:09

himalayansalt Grin

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 14:12

Isn't it irritating how op won't say how old her mil is? It's almost like she wants you to tease the information out of her

I don't think it's because she wants us to tease it out of her. I think it's because MIL is old and OP doesn't want to look bad, well any worse than she already does.

TalkinBoutWhat · 19/03/2018 14:12

Bit, if you could stop seeing you and your own DM in this situation it might make it easier for you to understand. Unlike your mother, who ENJOYS conversing with you, who ENJOYS sharing information with you, but will occasionally muck it up in which case you can have a laugh and say 'what are you on about now?' To ignore someone like your DM WOULD be mean, you're right.

In the OPs case it is NOT that. This is someone who deliberately engineers their social interactions not so that they are taking part in them, but to make sure they are at the CENTRE of them, all the time. Big difference.

If your DM made your run around second guessing yourself, dropping tidbits of information deliberately to stop you talking to someone else, or to disrupt conversations and return the focus back to themselves, then you might have a better understanding of what the OP is talking about.

And instead of getting all snarky and being all 'well this is AIBU so suck it up buttercup' you made an attempt to recognise that THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, then maybe the OP wouldn't get so pissed off.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 14:16

duck Please reread your posts. You don't get it. EVERY time you say MIL is old, you are compounding your ageist mistake. It really really doesn't matter how old she is. It really doesn't.

Old people don't all have memory problems.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 14:18

Or maybe this is someone who feels her family don't care about her so she has to keep prompting them to ask her how she is, what's she's been up or just to make some feeble attempt at getting any attention Talk

DuckBilledAardvark · 19/03/2018 14:19

Start sending back increasingly obscure replies.

"Sorry the kumquat is in the oven, I'll be left with a budgie at this rate."

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