Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:30

To be clear, my MIL does not have vascular conditions, epilepsy, head injury etc.

I think Whisky was just giving examples to show how memory issues are not age related.

OP posts:
Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:32

That is right. No memory issue. I asked her adult son years ago (probably about 8 years ago) if he thought his mother had memory issues, and he said NO.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:32

Whisky the OP mentioned to her H years ago as to whether her MIL had memory loss.

It's there in black and white. Nothing to do with me being illogical.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:34

That is right. No memory issue. I asked her adult son years ago (probably about 8 years ago) if he thought his mother had memory issues, and he said NO.

(Worth repeating)

OP posts:
KanyeWesticle · 19/03/2018 11:35

My MIL does the same. It's infuriating and utterly confusing... thank you for posting and letting me know I'm not alone!

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:37

Greatduck Oh dear, let's go over this slowly.

The OP asked her DH whether this peculiar behaviour could be due to a pathology associated with memory loss. DH said no, it is behavioural, a habit.

You said that the OP was being unkind to her 'elderly' MIL. I am pointing out that

a. Memory loss is not entirely a pathology of older age.

b. There is no memory loss in this case anyway.
c. You have assumed that the OP's MIL is in her older age without any evidence for doing so from her posts.
d. This is partly because uou have assumed that this style of texting has been produced by age-related decline, in spite of the OP's saying that the person in question has been behaving like this for years.
e. Your reason for this assumption appears to be the idea that older age is associated with irrationality and attention-seeking behaviour, which is an ageist assumption.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:37

So why did you wonder 8 years ago if she had some memory problems?

There must have been something regarding her behaviour to prompt you to question your H about this? Hmm

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:39

"There must have been something regarding her behaviour to prompt you to question your H about this?"

FFS, RTFT.

OP was saying "This style of texting is really weird, do you think there might be something physiologically wrong with your mother that leads her to communicate so poorly?" In other words, her style of attention-seeking texting was so weird that the OP was prompted to ask if she might be physically ill. The OP's DH then replied saying no, she just behaves like this habitually.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:40

GreatDuckCookery It's in my opening text. MIL sends cryptic texts which are dramatic meaning we have "to beg for information which I have done for years".

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:40

How is this hard?!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:40

And yet the OP still refuses to say how old MIL is. Funny that.

MrsKoala · 19/03/2018 11:40

I've been married twice and never had ILs mobile number or vice versa. I had expils landline for emergencies but not current pils when MIL was alive.

It would annoy me because of the coy game playing of teasing out information. I'd happily respond if i got a text saying 'Hi Koala, we have gone to for the weekend and just thought i'd let you know that we have arrived safely'. Id say 'oh that sounds lovely, hope you have a great time blahblah catch up on all the news of it when yo get back xx'. But that kind of teaser text would get 'great' or 'thanks for letting me know' or something like that.

I'm probably a bitch ,but i just hate this game playing - my nan used to do it and it pissed me off so much.

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:43

"And yet the OP still refuses to say how old MIL is. Funny that."

Pathetic.

Orangesox · 19/03/2018 11:44

I’ve not read the full thread, because I know how it will have all gone down - reading the few posts above confirms it really.

Just to say, my own mother does this to me... she’s done it for years. No memory problems... just an absolute passion for driving me around the bend with her incessant attention seeking.

You are not being unreasonable to find it bloody irritating; I personally don’t text back unless there’s an actual question or a need to communicate. If I texted back after every random exclamation or remark I’d have a repetitive strain injury Grin

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:44

GreatDuckCookery You have already said that you doubt I will tell the truth about her age, so what is the point?

You are being ageist. Even if she were 99 (she's not) it doesn't mean that she must behave like a clickbaiting loon.

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 19/03/2018 11:45

FFS. The OP has had enough of her relative's attention-seeking behaviour -- her feelings about it are entirely valid.
But the bleeding heart brigade come on to scold her about how 'mean' she is. (Oh, the irony.)
The fact that it's her MIL is not necessarily germane, as shown by other posters who have said 'oh my DSIS/Friend/DF etc does this too.)
The OP finds this behaviour tedious and irritating. That's her right and the fact that other people may put up with it is not exactly relevant.
She is NBU.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:45

Orangesox Oh read the thread! It's very good. The Daily Mail have missed a blinder!

OP posts:
TalkinBoutWhat · 19/03/2018 11:48

It's not about silly or boring texts, or even inane ones. These are texts deliberately designed to make the other person do all the chasing. I guess it makes the 'doer' if this crap feel important and like they are super important.

If they could actually admit to themselves that they just want a chat, and then send a comprehendible text it would make all the difference. People want to have a chat as equals. They don't want to pander to someone who sees themselves as the Queen Bee.

I love boring inane texts, great way to fill dull moments, especially if everyone knows there's. I urgency attached to them.

KellyanneConway · 19/03/2018 11:56

My Dad and Nana both used to do this e.g. randomly, "He won't get over it this time" then laugh manically when I made it clear I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. They would then proceed to tell me what they meant in a really patronising way, as if I were thick for not knowing in the first place.

They were both heavy drinkers though, so I always put it down to diminished social skills due to alcoholism. Does your MIL drink a lot?

flowerslemonade · 19/03/2018 12:00

Why not deal with it straight on and text back:

"I'm sorry, I don't understand your message, you're going to have to be a bit clearer. What's it/that thing?"

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 19/03/2018 12:01

Easter Grin BitOf

Goodasgoldilox · 19/03/2018 12:04

It is a method of social interaction which pleases your MIL.

I know someone who used to start every conversation with 'Guess what'. Not so unusual perhaps... but she would then really expect you to guess!

If you answer - it will continue - because she enjoys it.

If you don't understand the text - then from now on presume it has been accidentally sent to you and is actually part of a conversation with someone else. (It is easy for this to happen on many phones.) It would be rude to reply.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 19/03/2018 12:11

Have you tried not replying? A family member criticises a lot of the things I do for the DC, she now gets no information, and if she criticises me by text, she gets no reply. My DC will eat what I want them to eat, and go to bed when I want them to. None of your fucking business.

user1485778793 · 19/03/2018 12:12

My MIL sends the same text to everyone in her contacts list in the hope that someone will respond. They are obscure messages similar to what you get. I asked dh about them he had no idea so was ignoring, she even sends them to my mum so I'm sure she's just sending to all contacts she has.

I think she has mh issues, dh has tried to get her to get help as it's obvious she's crying out for help/attention/sympathy or something but she won't help herself

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 12:14

Whisky the only posters being pathetic amongst other things is you and your side kick the OP.

Deflecting your nastiness into trying to say that I am being ageist is pathetic.

I think the MIL will be old fwiw and probably does have some memory issues but obviously the OP has dug herself a hole now so can't divulge her age.

Nevertheless she's proved what sort of person she is just by posting on this thread.

Nice one OP. YABU.