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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at friend who got herself fired after I recommended her for the job?

156 replies

Trovi · 16/03/2018 16:22

Hi all, I work in a middle management position at a multinational company. I have been here for a few years and I think I have built a solid reputation for myself.

A couple of months ago a dear friend of mine whom I have been knowing for a few years, found herself unemployed. She is 27 and, after trying to make it as an actress in her very early 20s, she had been working in waitressing/ shop assistant type of jobs. She was desperate to get a professional job and start a "proper" career (whatever that means) and she asked for my help to get a job at my organisation.

I had to pull quite a few strings as her CV was frankly not qualified for any office-based position, but I managed to get her an interview for an entry level position. I happily recommended her to the hiring manager, who is my peer, who decided to give her a chance in spite of her lack of qualifications and hired on a generous salary for the position.

5 weeks into the job, she told me she was going out to London (we are based 1 hour by train from London) for a night out with friends on a Wednesday. Much to my dismay, the next morning she did not show up at work and didn't contact me or her manager to explain what happened. Her manager and I got really worried as we thought something terrible might have happened to her. She did not pick up the phone or got back to our texts for the whole day.

That evening, she finally called me back and said that she got wasted on her night out, ended up having a ONS with a guy in London and woke up very late and hungover the next morning. Apparently she did not think she should have reached out to her manager or me to give us a heads up. She said she was "too hungover to think" Hmm

I was genuinely furious with her for carrying herself so unprofessionally barely a month into a new job I recommended her for, on top of making me sick with worry. She genuinely did not understand why I was so upset, as she did not think it was a big deal at all and "she just had some fun, people make mistakes every once in a while and it is fine".

The next morning she came in at work and her manager pulled her into a room and essentially fired her. Apparently her work had been ok but not stellar, and this incident was serious enough to make her manager reconsider the decision to hire her. Her manager also talked to my manager, who then mentioned to me that perhaps the next time I recommend someone I should be more careful about who I recommend.

Now I feel frustrated and upset that I gave my word and damaged my credibility at work, to help my friend get a job, and she wasted the opportunity and put me in a tricky position at work. My friend is devastated by her manager's decision to fire her, and she can't believe how "unfairly" she has been treated. She is even threatening to involve a lawyer! On one hand I am sorry for her, but honestly I am incredibly annoyed by how childishly and unprofessionally she behaved and I think she wasted her chance.

AIBU to be very annoyed at my friend? Or should I be more sympathetic?

OP posts:
GnotherGnu · 19/03/2018 08:05

I think the company sounds a bit shit. A mere five weeks in, they fired her after she missed one day?! That sounds unbelievably harsh. It's well known it takes about 6 months to settle in to a new job.

Seriously? It's not just about missing one day, it's about not showing up because you chose to get wasted on a week night to the extent that you're "too hungover to think" the next day and, in particular, it's about not bothering to contact anyone or respond to messages. That's not a consequence of settling in, it's a consequence of being thoroughly inconsiderate and irresponsible. I suspect the vast majority of employers would take the view that anyone who would do that after only 5 weeks would do it again and is just not worth keeping.

Dozer · 19/03/2018 08:08

YWBU to recommend her given her lack of experience and job history.

MarthasGinYard · 19/03/2018 08:08

Yabu to use 'reached out'

However I'd be Hmmtoo.

CosyLulu · 21/03/2018 05:27

You reached out but she broke your heart. I would forget her.

cambodianfoxhound · 21/03/2018 08:07

You did a nice thing for someone for all the right reasons. You can't ask for more than this and the the outcome was completely out of your control so don't dwell on it.

You will know not to recommend this individual for a job again and will probably learn from this experience.

Hissy · 21/03/2018 19:12

You introduced her, the management made the decision to hire her

The choice to do so is 100% on them. Had she have bombed at the interview, they wouldn’t have given her the job.

You are not culpable in anything at all.

Except for the heinous use of reach out, but you’re aware that it’s only twats who use that now, so we’re all good 😂

Go and speak to management by all means, it’ll be a recognition of the situation l, but absolutely understand that this won’t affect your reputation.

You tried to help a friend and help your firm, it wasn’t a good fit, that’s on her, not you

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