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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at friend who got herself fired after I recommended her for the job?

156 replies

Trovi · 16/03/2018 16:22

Hi all, I work in a middle management position at a multinational company. I have been here for a few years and I think I have built a solid reputation for myself.

A couple of months ago a dear friend of mine whom I have been knowing for a few years, found herself unemployed. She is 27 and, after trying to make it as an actress in her very early 20s, she had been working in waitressing/ shop assistant type of jobs. She was desperate to get a professional job and start a "proper" career (whatever that means) and she asked for my help to get a job at my organisation.

I had to pull quite a few strings as her CV was frankly not qualified for any office-based position, but I managed to get her an interview for an entry level position. I happily recommended her to the hiring manager, who is my peer, who decided to give her a chance in spite of her lack of qualifications and hired on a generous salary for the position.

5 weeks into the job, she told me she was going out to London (we are based 1 hour by train from London) for a night out with friends on a Wednesday. Much to my dismay, the next morning she did not show up at work and didn't contact me or her manager to explain what happened. Her manager and I got really worried as we thought something terrible might have happened to her. She did not pick up the phone or got back to our texts for the whole day.

That evening, she finally called me back and said that she got wasted on her night out, ended up having a ONS with a guy in London and woke up very late and hungover the next morning. Apparently she did not think she should have reached out to her manager or me to give us a heads up. She said she was "too hungover to think" Hmm

I was genuinely furious with her for carrying herself so unprofessionally barely a month into a new job I recommended her for, on top of making me sick with worry. She genuinely did not understand why I was so upset, as she did not think it was a big deal at all and "she just had some fun, people make mistakes every once in a while and it is fine".

The next morning she came in at work and her manager pulled her into a room and essentially fired her. Apparently her work had been ok but not stellar, and this incident was serious enough to make her manager reconsider the decision to hire her. Her manager also talked to my manager, who then mentioned to me that perhaps the next time I recommend someone I should be more careful about who I recommend.

Now I feel frustrated and upset that I gave my word and damaged my credibility at work, to help my friend get a job, and she wasted the opportunity and put me in a tricky position at work. My friend is devastated by her manager's decision to fire her, and she can't believe how "unfairly" she has been treated. She is even threatening to involve a lawyer! On one hand I am sorry for her, but honestly I am incredibly annoyed by how childishly and unprofessionally she behaved and I think she wasted her chance.

AIBU to be very annoyed at my friend? Or should I be more sympathetic?

OP posts:
Dieu · 16/03/2018 20:50

Aww, I really feel bad for you, OP. You acted out of kindness, and really put your neck out for your friend. It's such a shame that she has behaved in this way, and I would be raging at her too! YADNBU.

PorkFlute · 16/03/2018 20:52

Hmm tbh if she’s the kind of person who’d go out and get wasted and not show for work or even call in then you would surely know as her friend that she wasn’t the most reliable sort. It doesn’t sound like one off behaviour if she still doesn’t realise it wasn’t ok.
So it’s on you really for recommending her because she’s a friend rather than because you thought she’d make a good employee for your company. Your boss’s advice to think more carefully about how it might reflect on you before recommending someone is spot on.

Chocolatewafer · 16/03/2018 21:18

I don’t personally like the phrase “reach out” as for some reason it grates - but it’s so needless for so many PPs to comment on it, it’s just a phrase for goodness sake!

BareBum · 16/03/2018 21:43

Reach out Grin

Xeneth88 · 16/03/2018 21:45

YABU for using the phrase “should have reached out”

Grin yes!

TooManyMiles · 16/03/2018 21:46

YANBU
I fully understand why you are annoyed. You did a very generous thing in recommending her and getting her that chance, and you risked your own
credibility by doing this. She has let everyone done very badly.
(I am sure it will not be held against you in the end though.)

If she had made a genuine mistake owing to inexperience within the job itself it would be different.

As for her being your friend, she seems extremely immature and selfish, or else something of a wild card to know with care.

LanguidLobster · 16/03/2018 21:49

OP abused her position a little - I'd be annoyed with my friend, annoyed with myself, annoyed with recruitment being lax and try to learn lessons.

At the same time it isn't the end of the world it will blow over quickly, won't affect OP's career

thecatsthecats · 16/03/2018 22:03

The correlation between people who say 'we all make mistakes'and those who are personally and socially irresponsible shitshows seeking to minimize their own twattery is nearly 100%.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 16/03/2018 22:04

I think some of the business-speak hate on here is pretty OTT, but 'reach out' is bleurgh. I don't know how anyone can use it and take themselves seriously.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 16/03/2018 22:20

Her manager also talked to my manager, who then mentioned to me that perhaps the next time I recommend someone I should be more careful about who I recommend.

This is good advice, by the way. If you'd been careful, you wouldn't have put this loser flake woman forward because her track record screamed that she would be shit at this job anyway.

BedtimeTea · 16/03/2018 22:26

I know a person like your friend, however she never held a job longer than 2 weeks. You are definitly NOT being unreasonable to be annoyed with your friend.

LoniceraJaponica · 16/03/2018 22:26

How has she got to 27 years of age and not known that you don't not turn up to work and not let them know?

deste · 16/03/2018 22:30

Are you sure she hadn’t gone for an audition the day she didn’t turn up?.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/03/2018 22:56

Op, did you really not grasp that recommending someone is just that; stating that in your opinion, based on what you've actually seen them do, they would be a good fit for the role.
It is not what you appear to have done - push forward any old eejit who happens to be unemployed at the moment because they need a job and they're a mate of yours.
Your manager will be watching you closely now as you've given them reason to question your judgement.

Gide · 16/03/2018 23:00

Your friend was stupid, but so were you for 'pulling a few strings'. She wasn't qualified or good enough for the job in the first place

Exactly. You were stupid for doing this in the first place. She wasn’t good enough for the role and you knew it.

CompleteAisling · 16/03/2018 23:04

YABU. You are way over invested in this person. You got her a job you knew she wasn't actually qualified for and then got way too involved in her not showing up.
It's not about you.

TooManyMiles · 16/03/2018 23:29

Her friend was not qualified, but was apparently desperate to start on a real career and was taken on at an entry level position. Not being qualified does not mean she couldn't have done the entry level job and carried on learning - so long as she had been mature and serious.
The OP was not unreasonable to try to help her.

CompleteAisling · 16/03/2018 23:32

She's her friend, she must know she is neither mature nor serious.If she doesn't know her well enough to know that, she didn't know her well enough to get her the job,

Gemini69 · 16/03/2018 23:34

she's a classy lass huh... definitely no friend OP Flowers

GnotherGnu · 17/03/2018 00:06

No, she shouldn't have "reached out" to her manager, she's presumably not one of the Four Tops. She should however have contacted him.

WeAllHaveWings · 17/03/2018 09:07

Whether or not YABU purely depends on why you recommended your friend.

Did you recommend her because she was your mate and really really wanted a good better paying job (don't we all) and you felt big and clever being able to pull some strings and get her in.

Or did you recommend her because you had evidence she was professional and has a good work record, knew of her past achievements (work and personal) and assessed she had good character traits that would be an asset to your company?

From your op it sounds more like the former, therefore YABU as you should never have recommended her in the first place and deserve to be pulled up by your manager for recommending someone so flaky.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 17/03/2018 09:46

YANBU. I'd be absolutely furious.

I learned a related version of this when I put DP in touch with a hiring manager but didn't recommend him, said to make his own decisions about suitability; he got the job. The awkwardness when DP became ex-DP (his choice) was enough to make me never recommend anyone, put them in touch with anyone, or in general work with anyone I know from outside of work ever again.

Trovi · 17/03/2018 10:12

Just to clarify a couple of points:

  • I did not lie in any way to the hiring manager. I was honest about my friend' situation and experience, I said she was very motivated to start a professional career (which she seemed to be at the time) and I that I thought that given a chance she could have learned and developed.
  • The position she was hired for was very entry-level. Usually we hire recent graduates with no experience for that type of role. I did not recommend her for a role that needed lots of specific experience.
  • my company has a formal referral system in place and we are encouraged to recommend. My friend is an intelligent woman and she seemed to be very motivated to turn her life around and start a proper career. In a few years she could have done very well for herself if she had continued on that professional path. I trusted her and her motivation to develop a career.
OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 17/03/2018 10:17

You shouldn't have recommended her. You will be more careful in future!

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