To be annoyed at friend who got herself fired after I recommended her for the job?

[Trovi]

Hi all, I work in a middle management position at a multinational company. I have been here for a few years and I think I have built a solid reputation for myself.

A couple of months ago a dear friend of mine whom I have been knowing for a few years, found herself unemployed. She is 27 and, after trying to make it as an actress in her very early 20s, she had been working in waitressing/ shop assistant type of jobs. She was desperate to get a professional job and start a "proper" career (whatever that means) and she asked for my help to get a job at my organisation.

I had to pull quite a few strings as her CV was frankly not qualified for any office-based position, but I managed to get her an interview for an entry level position. I happily recommended her to the hiring manager, who is my peer, who decided to give her a chance in spite of her lack of qualifications and hired on a generous salary for the position.

5 weeks into the job, she told me she was going out to London (we are based 1 hour by train from London) for a night out with friends on a Wednesday. Much to my dismay, the next morning she did not show up at work and didn't contact me or her manager to explain what happened. Her manager and I got really worried as we thought something terrible might have happened to her. She did not pick up the phone or got back to our texts for the whole day.

That evening, she finally called me back and said that she got wasted on her night out, ended up having a ONS with a guy in London and woke up very late and hungover the next morning. Apparently she did not think she should have reached out to her manager or me to give us a heads up. She said she was "too hungover to think"

I was genuinely furious with her for carrying herself so unprofessionally barely a month into a new job I recommended her for, on top of making me sick with worry. She genuinely did not understand why I was so upset, as she did not think it was a big deal at all and "she just had some fun, people make mistakes every once in a while and it is fine".

The next morning she came in at work and her manager pulled her into a room and essentially fired her. Apparently her work had been ok but not stellar, and this incident was serious enough to make her manager reconsider the decision to hire her. Her manager also talked to my manager, who then mentioned to me that perhaps the next time I recommend someone I should be more careful about who I recommend.

Now I feel frustrated and upset that I gave my word and damaged my credibility at work, to help my friend get a job, and she wasted the opportunity and put me in a tricky position at work. My friend is devastated by her manager's decision to fire her, and she can't believe how "unfairly" she has been treated. She is even threatening to involve a lawyer! On one hand I am sorry for her, but honestly I am incredibly annoyed by how childishly and unprofessionally she behaved and I think she wasted her chance.

AIBU to be very annoyed at my friend? Or should I be more sympathetic?

Meh, you live and learn.

Your intentions were good and it'll blow over at work. They've dealt with it by getting rid of her and so it's sorted, the final decision to hire her wasn't yours anyway.

has her working history always been flakey op? perhaps you didnt know? I would be embarrassed

I recommended my brother for a position in my department. The first couple weeks was fine then his behaviour deteriorated and I had people coming to me telling me he was an alcoholic etc. Before that I had no idea. It was so embarrassing as in the end they gave him a choice leave or be sacked. It was horrendous and I would never ever do this again for anyone. I spoke to my director and he assured me he didn’t feel my brothers behaviour reflects on me. I ended up going NC with my brother after this and some other incidents

@Slartybartfast definitely fair! She'd only been in the job for five weeks and was still on probation. Her boss said her work hadn't been particularly good and then she pulls this stunt. You don't just not turn up for work with no communication. Being on probation means that they're seeing if you're right for the company. She wasn't.

Did you read the link from Sashkin on askamanager.org? The advice was pretty good.

Trovi, you did a good thing and it backfired. The suggestions of nepotism and irresponsibility are just laughable - c’mon people, the girl is looking for support not a public flaying! The OP has clearly stated the job was entry level, i.e. virtually no qualifications required except a willingness to learn, no doubt, so why all the trolling comments?? And as for using the phrase ‘reaching out’ what has that actually got to do with the post? Those that sneer and ridicule honestly aren’t worth listening to - you’re just being nasty for the sake of it (which sadly seems to be all too common on these threads).

You’re getting some harsh comments on here OP. I would chalk this up to experience. As they say, you aren’t responsible for other people’s behaviour, only for how you respond to it.

Have you spoken to your ‘friend’ yet and made it clear how much she has let you down?

YANBU at all.

I recommended a friend that I had worked with previously for a job a couple of years ago. I was so pleased when she came to work with us (she's qualified/good references etc). She's been a bloody nightmare and I can't believe that change in her attitude. From the very start, she's been lazy, gossipy and flaky and I'm really quite mortified by having recommended her. Never again.

YANBU but you're not her Mum.
Your friend is a flake. Never be a referee for her in future or recommend her for any jobs.
I'm sure that you knew she was a bit unreliable, so don't refuse to recommend ANY friends in future, as some people have suggested, that's a bit unfair. Just keep work and your pal as completely separate worlds.

She is an idiot, who possibly has a drink problem, if she thinks she can carry on this way.

Hi OP, sorry about some of the comments you have had on here. Think you tried to help someone who just won’t help themselves. Please see her face to face and explain how her behaviour has affected you in the workplace. She needs to know that it’s not all about her, it affects others. She also needs to be told that you cannot help her again as you have lost trust in her and just how people are supposed to behave in a professional environment. As for the talk of lawyers, it is laughable. She would have still been on probation and even if she wasn’t, I doubt she has either Union membership or the several thousand it would cost for a good lawyer. It will blow over at work eventually.

Sorry @Curious1981, I probably expressed myself poorly, what I had in mind was that the employee does the referring and if it goes belly up as it did in this instance, the person who looks shit is the internal employee rather than an external agency.

But you are right that the reputational harm to the company is an area of exposure as well. However I don't think it sounds like the OPs "friend" was external facing, so perhaps damage limitation on this occasion.

A bit of an update:

I talked to my friend, and thankfully she seems to have abandoned the idea of involving a lawyer.

Apparently when her manager asked her why she hadn't turned up for work she just said she has had "an unexpected issue that prevented her from coming in". When her manager asked for more info about what happened, she refused to provide further clarifications and that is when the manager decided that enough was enough and fired her. Friend is still very upset and she still thinks she has been treated unfairly, but at least she apologized for causing me troubles.

Tomorrow morning I will talk to both my
manager and the hiring manager to apologize for referring her and indirectly causing this situation.

I don't think she's cut out for a professional job!

Because non professional jobs tolerate people randomly not turning up....

She needs to grow up, but don't feel bad op just chalk it up to experience

Apparently when her manager asked her why she hadn't turned up for work she just said she has had "an unexpected issue that prevented her from coming in". When her manager asked for more info about what happened, she refused to provide further clarifications and that is when the manager decided that enough was enough and fired her.

It sounds like they weren't happy with her anyway. For a promising employee you might give them a talking to about professional behaviour and presume they were sick/ personal emergency. It sounds like they generally found her a disappointing employee and were not sorry to lose her.

When I told DH your story he said he did the same during his first entry level job and he was given a telling off but not fired.

Was this behaviour unusual for your friend, did she do this in previous jobs?

In honesty I'd be wary of someone who'd spent their 20s trying to get into acting without also thinking about a fall back career (other than asking their mate for a job!).

I think the company sounds a bit shit. A mere five weeks in, they fired her after she missed one day?! That sounds unbelievably harsh. It's well known it takes about 6 months to settle in to a new job.

I'd be embarrassed of the company for firing your friend in equal measure that you are embarrassed of her for missing a day.

Jest it doesn’t usually take six months to settle into turning up to your new job. She just no-showed. Plenty of places will sack you for going awol, especially if once you do get back and they ask where the fuck you’ve been you pull some bollocksy “it was a secret emergency that I can’t talk about” crap.

If she’s only had bar work and waitressing jobs before this, I’m even more surprised that she’s surprised to be let go. I’ve seen loads of people sacked from bar jobs for skipping shifts. Bar managers have a far lower threshold for sacking people than office managers do, IME. They’re merciless.

Really JestFromTheWest ? I would expect to be let go if while I was still in my probationary period I just didn't turn up for work without calling in sick and then refused to explain/give a decent explaination when I did returned to work. While you are in your probationary period, you are expected to be on your best behaviour. The whole point of having a probationary period is so you can easily get rid of people who turn out to be a bit crap at the job or are showing they are going to be a bad hire one way or another.

This isn't about settling into a job, this isn't her learning the systems, getting to know the product/clients or getting good at the role - she just didn't turn up and didn't say why.

Perhaps she needed to learn how to be an employee, not just this job, but minimum expectations and social norms for any standard office job. The shocked response at being fired does suggest it didn't occur to her that she was obliged to go to work or tell them she wasn't coming in, and failure to do either would mean she was in a lot of trouble. Most people would know they had fucked up and have an excuse primed for their return to work.

This was on Twitter a few days ago, useful to work out if using the term ‘reaching out’ is acceptable ;)

In case someone does not know who the Four Tops are, here is this lovely song to listen too. It can lighten the mood too. OP tried to do a nice thing for someone. Though it turned out to be a mistake, she was kind to try.

She clearly has no clue how to conduct herself in a professional manner. I'd absolutely kill for a chance like she was given.

@YouOKHun that's not entirely accurste. I believe it would also be appropriate to reach out to stop something/someone from falling.

Sooty retreats slowly back to pedants corner and missed the actual point of the thread.

You’re quite right @soothandMathew

Just to come back to the point of the thread ;). OP, I feel for you. I never recommend people I know only socially for job roles as I’ve seen this kind of problem before. Your friend should know better at 27!