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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Probably being a bridezilla but...is my friend being weird!?

167 replies

NCjustincase123 · 16/03/2018 12:16

NC, although it won't help much if she's reading, as this is full of outing details Blush

DP and I got engaged just before Christmas Smile

My closest friend (of 25 years) was in on the secret, giving the ring her nod of approval back in October.

2 weeks after we got engaged, her DP proposed. They've been together 10 years, and it sounds like it was spur of the moment; he bought the ring the day before.

Truthfully, my instant reaction was, oh...weird timing Confused, followed by immense happiness for her.

I assumed that she'd also recognise the funny awkwardness, and we'd have a laugh about it and move on.

...This is where it gets odd.

She's been so cold with me since her engagement...telling me about the proposal in a group chat, skipping over all of the juicy details, and jumping straight to mentioning that she'll probably opt for a wedding date within the same month as mine this year.

I'm well aware that I can't bagsy a whole calendar month(!) but I just assumed she'd want to put a bit of distance between them, given our friendship groups have some crossover, and 2 x weddings within a couple of weeks of each other will put financial strain on a lot of attendees.

As it happens, she's now opted for early summer date, the hen will be in a few month's time.

She asked which dates I couldn't do for the hen - there was only 1. The hen is now being held on that date, as it's the one "most people can attend on". The thought of not being there makes me feel pretty gutted, but obviously doesn't mean a great deal to her. There was no apology just a 'you won't miss much' text.

I should point out that she's my MoH.

She's taken a complete inactive stance in the whole MoH thing...I've arranged my own hen, and even though she knows I've bought the dress, she showed no interest and didn't ask to see pictures of it. I invited her to a Pinterest board where her and our other friend who's my only other bridesmaid can pin dresses they might like to wear, and she's not accepted the invitation.

I've offered her help with her planning at every opportunity, but she's not taken me up on any of it (which is fine, I know some people like to knuckle down and go it alone).

It's all just so out of character, as we've been talking about our weddings since we were little.

I'm a major confrontation dodger, but do I have to say something?

I feel so down about the whole thing. I never imagined either of our weddings being organised without each others help or presence, and feel really strange about her being my MoH.

I've drafted a message basically saying how I feel the dynamic has shifted to an unhealthy place etc etc, and how much I care for her and would ultimately regret missing a milestone like her hen.

Totally on the fence about sending, as we're in a very walking-on-eggshells kinda place right now (help!)

OP posts:
RickLemon · 22/03/2018 19:35

I think I would do a massive "cards on the table chat" and hope it brought us closer though it could backfire too!

GeekyWombat · 22/03/2018 19:35

Good luck OP. Fingers crossed it all gets ironed out.

LemonysSnicket · 22/03/2018 19:35

Say something over the phone or in person she’s being strange

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 22/03/2018 19:41

I hope it goes well 💐

mogulfield · 22/03/2018 19:42

My MoH didn’t include me in her wedding at all, I felt like a prize idiot. So I do understand where you’re coming from, it does hurt when you feel you’ve misjudged the friendship.

madsiemoomoo · 22/03/2018 19:49

Anyone seen 'Bride Wars'?

LemonysSnicket · 22/03/2018 19:49

Oh you did! Congrats hope it goes well

LittleLeaseQuery · 22/03/2018 19:56

fifi ‘Any updates OP’

Chill out. They’re meeting tonight. It’s not even 8pm yet. She’s meeting her best mate to sort out what’s going on in their previously close relationship, it’s not going to be easy, nor quick. It’s not just MN fodder, this is her actual life you know.

glasshalfemp · 22/03/2018 20:00

I agree with others, it comes across as you think you had first dibs on getting married and are put out that she is too. Your friend has picked up on it and is backing off.*

^this. 100%. You sound put out.

sillyoldowl · 22/03/2018 20:03

I think it's odd
Good luck tonight

ParkayFloor · 22/03/2018 20:04

Doesn't seem to make sense, she's distancing herself for some reason. I hope she tells you why and doesn't just stone wall you.

threatlevelmidnight · 22/03/2018 20:13

Well done for bringing it out in the open OP. I was one of three bridesmaids for a friend who went really weird on me in the run up to and day of the wedding - rude, excluded me from things with the other bridesmaids. I let it all slide as I wanted to be supportive etc on her big day. While we're still friends, our friendship will never be the same, as there's some unspoken problem there and I feel like too much time has passed now to address it. I wish I knew what I'd done.

HeedMove · 22/03/2018 20:15

Good luck, sounds to me like she's jealous you got engaged first. I could not believe how much of a bridezilla my sister in law became when she got engaged..we were good friends. We aren't now things have never been the same because she was so hurtful.

Tinkobell · 22/03/2018 20:15

If you treasured your long friendship you'd just suggest a coffee and a chat. Much of your assumption to me sounds like silly misunderstanding that could be v quickly all sorted out.

EustaciaPieface · 22/03/2018 20:23

Probably a bit too late, but good luck x

Figgygal · 22/03/2018 20:27

Good luck today as a pp said cards on the table and hope it brings issues to the forefront and you can move on after

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 22/03/2018 20:32

I’m a straight to the point person and if this happened to me I would not pussy foot around I would just go and see her face to face ask her out right what the problem was, not let her wriggle out of it by giving woolly ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’ answers and then decide if the friendship was worth putting so much effort in on your part.

Lacucuracha · 22/03/2018 20:42

If she persists with this behaviour, I wouldn't run around after her trying to make her feel better.

Friendship is a two way street, and she is treating you wuite poorly. She almost seems determine to put a downer on your wedding.

LJ17xx · 22/03/2018 20:49

Hm, sounds a bit like bride wars?

LJ17xx · 22/03/2018 20:50

I think it's a little strange as she should be thinking you need your time to shine! Just as she does

Quantumblue · 22/03/2018 21:08

Hope all has gone OK. There may be stuff going on for her that is totally unrelated to weddings.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 22/03/2018 21:17

Hope it goes Okay OP.

glueandstick · 22/03/2018 21:18

I never cease to be amazed how complex humans are. Hope it goes well for you :)

FlashTheSloth · 22/03/2018 21:24

YANB remotely Bridezilla! It's not beyond the realms of possibility to think that your MoH would be happy and interested in your wedding ffs. People on here are weird sometimes and a lot of the time it really does not reflect on RL.

I'd actually be pissed off with her OP. Unless she gives you some reassurance tonight, I'd be sacking her as MoH. You don't need a MoH who is going to make you feel awkward on your wedding day.

Greenkit · 22/03/2018 21:34

Good luck

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