AIBU to be shocked

[nickedaname]

My son has just come back from an Army Insight course. He spent a night out on patrol; ran a mile and a half; marched around; took all the shouting and drilling and so on. That was fine.

However, he was a bit surprised at the behaviour of some of the seasoned soldiers who were running the course. In fact he was quite shocked by some of the behaviour and some of the things the men said.

Some of the boys on the course were 16 (like my son) and the men were about twice their age.

I do not want to say too much about the behaviour or the content of what was said, but I was a bit shocked. My son said the men were 'desensitised' and he does not usually use words of more than two syllables.

I don't expect soldiers to act like angels, but I was a bit shocked when my son told me about their behaviour and the topics of discussion. AIBU to feel this was insight into something the army would not be proud of?

I'm afraid that words are such a de minimis matter that I struggle to care much about them, especially when the value of deeds outweighs them about 100-1. The military is also unlike most other jobs other than perhaps the emergency services - the psychological demands of dealing with life-and-death circumstances permit greater leeway for coping mechanisms than is the case for someone whose most challenging task is refilling the office printer.

A close relative of mine started army
and left after 12 weeks for exactly this reason. He loved all the physical side of the training but hated the disrespectful atmosphere. He's a mature young man in his twenties, and we were pleased he left before it changed him. X

16 year olds can sign up, but it's basically two years of training and then they get the option to leave or not. They are with other kids that age. They ain't sent to thr front line.

My friends son joined at that age. The banter can be rough, they rip them apart to build them back up into who they need to be. Although I haven't heard rape jokes.

I'd worry your son is a little immature to be honest. Those jokes, if they occurred and if he hasn't over exaggerated them, will have been a small part of it.

Personally I'd encourage him to do his a levels and then decide. At least he then has something else to fall back on.

Well clearly you do care about words whales

So you are either a snowflake or "a little immature" if you object to rape jokes.

But it is all ok because every one of these men is risking their lives on a daily basis. No one ever needs to refill the office printer in the army of course. They are out there killing and saving lives 24/7 and you simply can't do this unless you tell a rape joke to relieve the tension.

Exactly pallisers

Put a bunch of squaddies together and they have the maturity of 14 yr old boys. They egg each other on, try to out do each other. Iv seen perfectly lovely family blokes turn into utter arses when they are woth their amy mates

Agree with Pallisers - "Or maybe it is and it would be great if the army actually attracted guys who were shocked at fucking awful toxic behaviour."

I appreciate that those in the army would maybe be making jokes about blowing things up, because that's what they have to do as part of their job (same as medics making jokes pertaining to their line of work) But making jokes about rape... that isn't something in the job description, is it? Soldiers don't go around raping so it doesn't come under the 'gallows humour' excuse, surely?

Kudos to your DS for picking up on this toxic behaviour though.

I've just read the first couple of pages of people going

yeah yeah it is all normal.

Hang on, was I the only one who noticed they were joking about rape?
Since when was that ok in any context?

There have been some horrible cases of bullying of young recruits in the last few years, and there has to be a line somewhere, and I would say joking about rape crosses it.

The rest? Meh - foul language and horse play soudns about right.

The army embodies everything wrong with today’s society, everything’s “just banter” even though it’s degrading bullshit. Struggling to think of a soldier I’ve met who isn’t a self obsessed, thick arsehole

It’s squddies. Nothing if off limits talk wise to scare the noobies and to distract from the horrible things they see. They pretty much live in a laugh or cry situation. They laugh and joke to survive.

From the update on the rape jokes it sounds like the same ones around prisons. Don’t drop the soap type stuff, Your assholebefore prison o and after O etc they weren’t joking about going out and raping women.

NotAllTimsWearCapes

You have the freedom to say whatever you like - and long may those rude fellows defend your freedom to be wrong!

@overnightangel as someone who lost a brother in the army, I think you should rethink what you are saying. He was not a self obsessed thick arsehole. He gave his life for this country. He was an incredible, intelligent and resilient human being, who may have bantered like the rest of them. He was a good person and a fantastic brother.

Struggling to think of a soldier I’ve met who isn’t a self obsessed, thick arsehole

I have met well over 2000 forces personnel and thick self obsessed arsehole were less than a doezen. You maybe need to keep better company.

Steely

My ex is from the fireservice and they think it's fun to laugh about peadophilia. It isn't just the military. They also like to take their pump out on a Friday night, around the city, just to leer at young girls

It really isn’t wrong to think rape jokes are disgusting. That’s normal. That’s the normal response to hearing a rape joke. Your dedication to defending rape jokes is odd.

People who joke about sexual assault and rape don't always stop at just joking about it. Add some desensitization to violence into the mix, bit of lads culture, bit of alcohol and the results can be pretty nasty indeed - and often are.

the update on the rape jokes it sounds like the same ones around prisons. Don’t drop the soap type stuff, Your assholebefore prison o and after O etc they weren’t joking about going out and raping women.

Joking about male rape is as toxic and as vile as laughing about female rape.
It's not ok.

Bold fail ..apologies

YABU to be surprised but YANBU to be appalled. That's exactly what I'd imagine it to be like tbh. I can't stand that kind of offensive, macho banter crap. There are lots of people in the world who go through traumatic, terrible stuff or have dangerous or distressing jobs. I doubt that most of them cheer themselves up with rape jokes.

@overnightangel you’re vile. You really are. They have to break people down to build them up to handle the situations they will be in. That’s why they become so desensitised. My brother was hoping to leave the army after that tour, he missed his daughter too much. Unfortunately he never came home. You can’t label the entire of the armed forces like that.

@ overnightangel. Know when to stop. Your opinion is your own of course, but remember you are having a conversation with a sister who has lost her brother.

@overnightangel think you need a name change with that crass, bile you are spewing. @steeley113 l am so sorry for your family's loss.

Steely💐 crikey overnight that was really nasty, no need for that.