AIBU to be shocked

[nickedaname]

My son has just come back from an Army Insight course. He spent a night out on patrol; ran a mile and a half; marched around; took all the shouting and drilling and so on. That was fine.

However, he was a bit surprised at the behaviour of some of the seasoned soldiers who were running the course. In fact he was quite shocked by some of the behaviour and some of the things the men said.

Some of the boys on the course were 16 (like my son) and the men were about twice their age.

I do not want to say too much about the behaviour or the content of what was said, but I was a bit shocked. My son said the men were 'desensitised' and he does not usually use words of more than two syllables.

I don't expect soldiers to act like angels, but I was a bit shocked when my son told me about their behaviour and the topics of discussion. AIBU to feel this was insight into something the army would not be proud of?

spice my df is a very nice person. He doesn't make rape jokes and doesn't condone them but he has a very dark sence of humour.

Mall the vast majority of the people I meet are lovely loyal people. Their job or humour does not change that. I am not suprised your DF is nice

My shock comes from the fact that this was said to trainees who were so young.

My shock is that trainees who are that young are allowed to do it at all.

The army shouldn’t be exempt from tackling discrimination, mysogony and racism. Ultimately it is a job like any other - it sounds completely unacceptable, particularly in front of young people.

I've spent all my life around both German and British armed forces, my Father and Brothers were/are in the German forces, my Husband, eldest son and daughter in the British forces, I can say that this type of stuff is pretty standard.
Even the women (inc wives) have been known to speak the same, whether they themselves are serving or accompanying. It's also not unheard of for the Officers to be just as bad, whether its a JNCO NCO or a CO.
If you're easily shocked or offended by the banter or things that are said or done then I really do suggest giving the AF a miss. Whether that banter is right or wrong, its the way that it is, nothing really is going to change that.
Palliser, the AF don't have transportation, the word you need is logistics.

IME it isnt exempt.
Staff are reprimanded for bad behaviour but depending on where they are and what their doing dictates how its handled.

The complaints procedure for racisim for example is not going to be followed out in the field but if deemed unacceptable it will be dealt with at a later date.

Its really difficult to apply policies you have for say conduct in an office to that in a forces enviroment. Both very different and unless you have experience of forces life you will not understand why it is so different.

My brother is ex raf. He is a really great guy and very respectful. Except if his with his military mates and suddenly it's like they can't see the line. It's disturbing but it's 'raf banter' or some bollocks.

Sounds very typical squaddie talk. There are a lot of areas which are usually very traumatic to work in where this sort of talk is prevalent. Medics (particularly emergency medicine), police, fire service are all very blasé about things and make ‘inappropriate’ talk. It’s all coping mechanisms. When I worked in A&E it was very much laugh or cry at most situations (although sometimes we did cry).

Steely, surely there’s a difference between blasé and dark humour and laughing about rape?

I’ve heard the kind of jokes she’s talking about, whilst they are very ‘to the bone’ I don’t think they are that bad. I’m not easily shocked or offended though. It’s all very ‘masculine’ and testosterone fuelled with squaddies. There are very similar jokes in the film Deadpool!

I was in the Navy a long time ago. I never heard a "rape joke".

Lots of swearing, sexual talk, black humour.

A very strong sense of 'togetherness', camaraderie, brother/sisterhood. A solid work ethic and loyalty.

Work hard, play hard. A LOT of alcohol which led to bawdy and inappropriate conversations but I never heard rape joked about.

Sexism and racism just wasn't tolerated, and those that tried making racist comments were brought down hard.

No doubt there are some absolute idiots in the military - but the armed forces are reflective of society as a whole - some good and some not so good. It's how the not good are managed that is important.

The rape joke was heard second hand by the OP from her son. There's a distinct possibility he got it wrong.

The word "snowflake" was pretty much invented for threads like these!

Just be grateful that these uncouth chaps are willing to risk being killed or crippled in order to keep you safe while you judge their language.

Oh how yawnsome is that word. find another one. It’s neither funny nor applicable here.

Actually, the fact that snowflakes seem to hate it so much just proves its accuracy and utility! I'll keep using it, thanks.

It's what I'd expect from the army. That doesn't make it OK.

Its groups of men together in general. They invent games like soggy biscuit and zooming.

Disliking a rape joke does not make you a snowflake or someone to be laughed at. There’s something wrong with you that you think it does.

This wouldn’t surprise me in a boys boarding house let alone an army barracks. I think that you have simply had a very sheltered life OP.

I think you also have to be mindful of the term ‘rape’ joke. My husband and I make jokes that some people would consider rape jokes. It’s not because we think that rape is funny or want to make light of it. We just have a very crude sense of humour. To an outsider it would probably sound rapey. Just like our regular banter has the dialogue of extreme emotional abuse. It’s not though. Things aren’t always as they seem. You wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell unless you were in on the joke.

There’s something wrong with you that you think it does.

Funny - I think there's something wrong with anyone who values po-faced political correctness to such an extent that they think inappropriate jokes are any basis on which to criticise people who take great risks for little reward to keep us safe.

Again, snowflake is as snowflake does!

You can criticise someone’s behaviour without that dismissing the other good things they do. You do realise that? It’s fine to acknowledge that someone who does a good job has acted inappropriately.

It’s also fine to acknowledge that some of the people who do that good job are absolute pricks.

And there is nothing P.O. faced or politically correct about disliking rape jokes. It’s basic decency not to make a joke about an horrific crime. Again, worrying that you think it is PC gorn mad.

I think what they have to go through, the fact the can make jokes and laugh shows amazing resilience which they need to work within the profession. The jokes are more sexually charged then actual jokes about rape and rape victims. Unless you have that hardy sense of humour you won’t get it and will suddenly become all pearl clutching over it.