Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be shocked

174 replies

nickedaname · 15/03/2018 21:45

My son has just come back from an Army Insight course. He spent a night out on patrol; ran a mile and a half; marched around; took all the shouting and drilling and so on. That was fine.

However, he was a bit surprised at the behaviour of some of the seasoned soldiers who were running the course. In fact he was quite shocked by some of the behaviour and some of the things the men said.

Some of the boys on the course were 16 (like my son) and the men were about twice their age.

I do not want to say too much about the behaviour or the content of what was said, but I was a bit shocked. My son said the men were 'desensitised' and he does not usually use words of more than two syllables.

I don't expect soldiers to act like angels, but I was a bit shocked when my son told me about their behaviour and the topics of discussion. AIBU to feel this was insight into something the army would not be proud of?

OP posts:
monkeysox · 15/03/2018 22:05

Squaddies are rough as fuck. They have to be. Yabu

Iseesheep · 15/03/2018 22:06

It’s not unreasonable that you’re shocked. That shouldn’t have happened. Soldiers in their 30s should have grown out of the showing off phase by now.

lostherenow · 15/03/2018 22:07

Im always more shocked that its perfectly legal for 16 year old to join the army. I know not the point but... they are not considered responsible enough and have enough maturity to drive a car or have a debt in their name but they can join the army?

TheJoyOfSox · 15/03/2018 22:08

Where do you suppose the saying “swears like a trooper” originates?

Squaddies are not well know for their gentle disposition and quiet demeanour, they are rowdy, sweary, grown men in a masculine environment.

Maybe your son should become a librarian.

PinkAvocado · 15/03/2018 22:10

I am surprised most seem to think that it’s just how it is so suck it up. I don’t care what job people do, I’d still be shocked if someone joked about rape and I’m glad I think it is shocking.

lougle · 15/03/2018 22:11

He's 16 years old? I was 13 when I joined the army cadets. If you're in the army cadets, you're learning what life in the army is about. They don't speak Queen's English and the NAAFI isn't a tea room. You're protected, as a minor, but you will see, and hear, things that are very stereotypically Forces behaviour.

Did he have a good time? I loved nearly every minute. Press ups in the mud in November weren't a highlight, it has to be said Hmm.

lougle · 15/03/2018 22:15

I have to say, that as a young girl cadet, I was very protected by my leaders. I remember one day, being new, and some rowdy older lads were bouncing a ball against a wall, deliberately trying to hit us girls in the head. One of the leaders simply said "Oi, lads - that ball hits her; it hits you!" They stopped, immediately. That was the '90s, it wouldn't be quite the same now. But I went on camps hundreds of miles from home, quite safely.

Melabela10 · 15/03/2018 22:15

it sounds like totally normal banter given that its an army.

ScarfAndGlassesgirl · 15/03/2018 22:15

It's not for him if he's coming home and telling you all about it
Trust me- I grew up around soldiers and spent my life in army bases
It's an alternative reality that's why 'real life' is called 'civvie street' and not 'the every day'

Haffiana · 15/03/2018 22:15

Next time pack more cotton wool into his kit bag.

MammaTJ · 15/03/2018 22:16

Sorry, but my response would be 'Toughen up, Buttercup'.

My DD has ambition to join the RAF and I am trying to do that with her now, even though she is just 12.

By 16, well, par for the course in the forces..

DPotter · 15/03/2018 22:17

All professions have a culture of humour, sometimes very black, which does shock those not in the know. It’s there to join the members to the group and to act as a means of emotional release in stressful situations.

MammaTJ · 15/03/2018 22:18

lougle, your comments have been particularly helpful to me, thank you.

NewYearNewMe18 · 15/03/2018 22:19

This is a genuine question. Should I be shocked or not?

Sorry but that is a ridiculous question. How are we supposed to know what your sensibilities are?

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 22:20

I’m unsurprised. Typical of macho male dominated environments.

lougle I’ve been considering sending my almost 13yo to army cadets but if that involves having to hear jokes about rape I think we’ll sack that off.

MammaTJ · 15/03/2018 22:20

The army isn't for your son if he is shocked by this.

I think what has actually happened is that he has come home full of tales and excitement and it is actually the Mum, the OP who is shocked, not the 16 year old Army Cadet.

lougle · 15/03/2018 22:20

It's no different to the way medics/nurses talk. We forget that we live in a world of life/death/extreme ill health/surgery/crisis, etc., so we can be munching on lunch and talk about xyz, death, amputation, pus, sepsis, etc., without pause, while the people around us are going pale, changing the subject, etc. We're not deliberately insensitive, but what we do is so far from the norm that it becomes a new norm.

shakeyourcaboose · 15/03/2018 22:21

As a previous 'lumpy jumper' the military s not likely to be for your son if he is that affected by the chat and language. Fuck yes are we crude with black humour. But the shit that goes on and is seen you bloody have to.

user1497863568 · 15/03/2018 22:26

Why does this surprise you? We've known the military is like this for a very long time, especially when it's run by a clique of certain supremacists. Which is why we avoid these people like the plague.

LovingLola · 15/03/2018 22:27

Have a read of this about Deepcut Barracks.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/06/03/deepcut-inside-the-chaotic-demoralised-and-highly-sexualised-bar/

cakedup · 15/03/2018 22:27

Jokes about rape...extreme laddish behaviour...talking about blowing people up as if it's normal....
Well I wouldn't be sending my son there that's for sure.

All this talk about toughening up is ridiculous. There's nothing tough about those things. They sound like a bunch of dicks.

lougle · 15/03/2018 22:32

I don't think rape was on the menu when I was in the cadets, Notalltims, but there will be sexualised jokes without a doubt, I would think. Let's face it, there are boys. Silly boys, who are growing up. I'm not trivialising sexual jokes, but 13-16 year old boys are just silly and they will be making jokes and trying to impress each other, just as girls of that age often experiment with makeup and try to impress their friends.

The leaders will look after them though, and discipline is the core of Cadets. They learn map reading, how to iron their uniform, how to polish their boots for normal use and parade, how to march, how to fire a gun. They'll run assault courses, yomp in the dark. It will build her self esteem and you will see her sense of achievement. Don't let your concern over a bit of language take all of that away from her.

I say that, by the way, as a Christian, completely non-swearing, mother of 3 girls. I would happily let them go to Army Cadets in spite of knowing what it was like when I went. I gained so, so much.

expatinscotland · 15/03/2018 22:34

Yeah, YABU

nursy1 · 15/03/2018 22:39

Sounds about right for the army. To an extent, they have to be de- sensitised. They have to do pretty dreadful things.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 22:40

It’s a boy and yes it is all that great stuff he (and I on his behalf) is looking forward to doing. I know kids try and impress each other, what I’m more concerned with is that the leaders will stamp out any sort of talk like the OP has described? And that they themselves won’t be the ones being overheard joking about raping or bombing people?