To think that these days a baby is for life, not just for school years!

[boboismylove]

I'm just wondering about the general attitude towards your children potentially living with you until circa 30/ have a housing deposit saved?

For me, looking at the current state of things in the country, I fully expect my DS to be living with me for a long time after graduation, and am planning accordingly. Ie, I hope to buy within a couple of years, and will aim to buy in a city with decent unis and jobs in case my DS can't afford to move out, and if I ever come across extra money I will put it towards potential post-grad fees. I wouldn't have any more kids unless situation drastically changes because I won't be able to give the same support to all, ect...

I see this as part of a duty as a mum, rather than doing him any "favours", and was something I took into consideration when I was pregnant. Although of course I would be so happy if he was independent and successful younger!

Also in my DS's dad's culture its the norm for kids to live with their parents until they (save enough) to get a place and then get married.

I know many people don't see things this way for example, for example my parents were fully expecting us to be independent at 18.

Just wondering people's thoughts on this?

When i was 18 i got a place on the nursing Project 2000 course for peadiatric nursing, i got a pt supervisor job at topshop to top up my income. My mum said no as i had to work to support my older sister doing a degree providing childcare & my younger brother doing GCSEs .

Just basing this off my own personal experience though. I moved out at 18, lived in a shared house with some very unsavoury characters. I've only ever had minimum wage jobs so no way could I afford to save for a house deposit especially after becoming a single parent. My parents couldn't afford to help me out financially. No way will I be able to afford to help DS with a deposit for a home. I'd like him to make more of a success for himself financially than I have!

We aim to provide DC with substantial down payment/ money for a property. They would not live with us though.

My DH is from a different culture to me, and in his culture it is the norm to live with family until you marry. At this time, it will be the expectation that you should either get a mortgage and move out, or live with your Husband/Wife in the parents or parents’ in law’s house.

It is also very common for family members (not just parents, siblings too), to give money towards a deposit for your property, so that you can move on in your life and start a family - very important in his culture.

All of the above was completely alien to me at first, but I do think it is the best way, as people are able to save more money and actually progress.

Now that we have children, assisting them financially is definitely what we dream of, and aspire to be able to do. Had we not received financial assistance from my DH’s family, we would still not have a mortgage, we would have still had to delay having children, and we would still have our student debt.

What if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are they going to live with you too? Seems a bit odd to go from living at home until you are 30 then move straight into a mortgaged place.

I had to go back and live with my mum for 6 months when I was 30 and it was horrible! I was very grateful for her putting me up but the lack of privacy/space was awful. I couldn't just sit in the lounge and drink wine watch tv without my mum there. If I had had a partner I wouldn't have felt like we could snuggle up on the sofa etc.

I couldn't imagine living at home until 30. It would be like an overgrown teenager where your only privacy is sitting in your childhood bedroom and having quiet sex in case your parents hear the bed or you making noise.

No thank you!

There will always be a home for DS with us if he needs it, who knows what life will be like in 15 years time. I’d love him to do everything he wants to do and enjoy life but he will always have a room with us if he needs or wants it

I think your prioroties are wrong and you're looking too far ahead at situations that may never arise. Just concentrate on him in the here and now, as a child. You can't possibly prepare for something 30 years in the future.

The chances are he will cope financially without you. There are benefits available for those who need them.

I am 30 and can't afford a mortgage and probably never will but I have rented for years and have four children and a husband. Truthfully I can't imagine anything worse than relying on my parents for money or a home.

no I don't think about that and haven't planned for that. DD is 17 and planning on uni and then not moving home if she can help it. She's keen on independence. We now this might not be realistic and we are here if she needs us but even if she did have to move home we would be expecting her to earn,

Renting?We are fixated on buying in the UK.

I’ve always found families that throw children out when they turn 18 really weird. No one I know well has done that/had that done to them.

It’s actually the norm to buy your child a house/give them a deposit as and how you can afford amongst the people I know-I thought that it was the same with everyone

I would rather financially help DC to live elsewhere after university than support them by living with me, unless that was really what they wanted. But I can't imagine many adults wanting to live with their parents at that age, seems a waste of their best years.

outy Really? You know some rich people then.

Seriously Outy?! Considering so many people can't get o the housing ladder themselves you move in some filthy rich circles.

Can you see how an average household of under 30grand a year couldn't do that.. never mind a single minimum wage.

Do you seriously think that's a norm?

We have a 'granny flat' round the side and I fully expect one or both of my kids to take advantage of that at some point. I don't think living here in the main house would do them any favours and I will charge 'rent' for the flat but will secretly put it away so they have a decent deposit for their own space. It will be a Ta-Dah! Surprise! for them.

Outy is being goady. Even if you know people who bought their child a house, nobody with any glimmer of awareness or intelligence believes that is normal for the general population.

Outy yeah it is the norm.

Seriously think about what you just said. I'd have more respect for you if you said it's the norm in your circles. As obviously there are people who can afford to do it. But did you really think the average joes are buying their kids houses? Goady indeed!

Sensible to plan for it but I'd hate my DC to live with me until they were 30.

Living away at uni was one of the best experiences of my life. I'd hate for them to miss out on that even if it means they have to go back up North to do it in a cost effective way.

personally I'm a bit torn between helping my DC financially and letting them forge their own way. I had a very happy childhood but there was no financial help given for driving lessons, or house buying. DM bought my wedding dress and DF paid half of my wedding reception but that was it. Now I feel proud that i made my own way. DH's background was similar. We will cover DD's uni living costs but she will have course debt. Both DDs have a savings account from babies that have about £1500 each. I don't really see it as our duty to be saving any more for them.

bobo. You may feel very differently about how long you want your DC living with you when they become a teenager!!

Seriously, you are looking now at your little baby and thinking you will need to protect them forever but as they grow older you know and understand what is appropriate for their lives at each given time - so for example - when they reach 17 years old you may agree with them taking out a maintenance loan for uni in a different town rather than living at home for free because you can see the life skills this will teach them .

@Evelynismycatsformerspyname put it in so much more eloquent a way than I did. So what they said.

Since I was 18 I'd have only gone back to parents if I was in the utmost of dire straits...the choice would have had to have been sleeping on the streets V parents.

It mean I was technically homeless and some surfing for a month after a break up but to me adulting means you sort your own self out.

having quiet sex in case your parents hear the bed or you making noise.

That one is a pain the other way round too. I hate having to have quiet sex.

We cannot afford to save for a deposit for property for our son as we cannot save for one of our own!

My older sibling left home at 17, me at 23 to live abroad. We have never moved back. Any visits were spent on the sofa and any signs of us having once lived there were completely gone. Sibling now lives abroad, too; funny that.

I'm/we're aiming to raise ds to be independent and domesticated enough to want to fly the nest when he's uni-age. We have some pennies saved in a driving lessons pot, but that's all so far. He'll have to work his way through uni (if he decides to go), just as dh and i did, and we won't be contributing to a wedding.

DH is one of 6 and has two siblings still living at home, Bil aged 43 and Sil 39. They have never moved out, they have never worked. They sponge. As sure as shit we aren't letting DS go down that route!

I plan to blackmail and guilt trip my children into living with me forever.