To find the term 'child free' annoying?

[stuffstuffeverywhere]

Why not just say you don't want kids? Why do people have to make it sound like some dietary requirement? It's as if they see small humans as some kind of allergen or digestive irritation to be avoided.

Well you aren’t free, OP; you are trapped by your children. You can’t leave them and they do hinder what you do.

You can love your children to the world and back but there’s no getting away from the fact that they do hold you back.

It sounds to me like you’re jealous of the freedom others have and don’t like it being pointed out to you.

And as pp above have said, children are an encumbrance in the sense that they are a responsibility and it seems worse to deny that, in my mind anyway. It's best that people weigh about realistically whether they want to accept that responsibility and make an active choice rather than just doing it because of social pressure etc.

What a completely pointless post OP, keep taking the meds, you will feel better soon...

Blimey OP, no need to get your knickers in a twist. It sounds like you are projecting your issues with your friend onto this thread, accompanied by some fairly offensive misdirected anger. Have a read of the article posted upthread.

Many people struggle for years to reach a point where they can positively define themselves as 'childfree' not 'childless'. You're being a complete cow

Totally agree with this ^^

What would you rather use? ‘Barren’ perhaps, or perhaps not because that would be wildly offensive/upsetting. ‘Child free’ is a catch all - covers not having children by choice and by circumstance. Childless implies the latter - which not everyone wants to expose to every person it might come up in conversation with. You sound incredibly insensitive & very angry OP and as you aren’t child free it is none of your business what people who are call themselves.

Oh come off it OP, defending young, vulnerable members of society?
You’re just pissed off because your friend has made different decisions with her life to those you made, and her decisions are making you feel inferior.

If you were truly happy with your own life, you wouldn’t be feeling the need to rip apart your friend’s choice of wording and assign nefarious underlying motives to it. You would be happy for her being in a place where she is making the right choices for herself (be it her diet, her child-free status or anything else.)

Also I don't see what it has got to do with dietary choices, all kinds of people decide not to have children and they're not all vegan/gluten free! (not that there's anything wrong with that either!)

I’ve never experienced people putting pressure on me to have children (had my first at 30 and was the first of friends by a long way) but I get it a lot about marriage.

Some people can’t understand that I’m not that fussed about marriage, and assume that I’m just falornly waiting for DP to make an honest woman of me. Or they ask me why I don’t believe in marriage, like I’m vehemently against it, which isn’t at all true. I’m just not that bothered. I don’t want an upbeat term for unmarried, though. I don’t know what ‘meat free’ brings, really. My colleague eats ‘meat free’ and says it’s because they don’t want to label themselves as vegetarian because they do eat meat sometimes, but don’t want to at every meal. I didn’t realise this was something we needed a term for... other than wanky, obvs.

I think the real problem here is that your friend is an irritating wankbadger.

As the saying goes, you can tell a lot about a person from the company they keep.

Awww, was someone not effusive enough about your slobbering little allergens OP?

That's a good term for people's offspring, by the way, I shall use it in future.

You're sure you definitely have actual friends OP?

I'm childfree because I dont want the head tilting faux sympthy of strangers suddenly finding themselves in an awkward conversation and i'm fed up of it always being me having to find a lighthearted way out of it so I dont have to spend half an hour talking about the state of my uterus and the last 10 years private hell that is infertility because it is private. Childfree shuts the conversation down sooner and if you dont appreciate the term unfortunately my field of fucks is as barren as my uterus so I have none to give you

I'm also dairy free ironically, because my body does not like lactose. I also hug trees occasionally and I do prefer positive people in my life (who doesnt). I even do yoga and eat lentils...

Despite all of this and shockingly referring to myself as child free I have also since I was 16 been a volunteer in either the scout or guide organisation giving up hours of my time, and many weeks of my holiday, to look after other peoples children - for free... so clearly I hate all children and compare them to allergens on a regular basis....or maybe you know, its just a term. And maybe those of us who the term applies to get to choose it for ourselves, because we all know that trying to dictate what a minority of people call themselves because you are in the majority is always such a great way to love together peacefully

Seriously though if your friend is annoying you so much maybe its time to rethink whether only wanting postive people in your life would be a better solution to your current position?

Stuff Why do you refer to "small humans" in your OP instead of just using the traditional term "children?" You're guilty of making a similar kind of linguistic distinction in your terminology as those people you're moaning about who choose to say child-free.

I don't care whether you perceive the phrase as having negative connotations, I'll happily let those who have kids enjoy their choice and privilege and they in turn can let those such as myself choose to put whatever spin on our child-free status we want to. Try having some empathy!

it helps people understand it's a happy choice
also in theory it should stop people saying "there's still time!!!!" and make them understand it's an absolute choice....but yes, that hasn't worked.

plus it's shorter than saying "don't want them, don't ever want them" which often upsets people. They have to blink and absorb "childfree" a bit more.

I get more annoyed when someone says "I am child free....this afternoon". That's the wrong use of the word!

I love children, I really do. I have a lot of patience with (most of ) them. Babysit for my friends often. Take their children out to cinema, ice-skating and so on. In another world I'd have had children but I met the right man too late. I'm too old now. I'm quite happy though. I don't think anything is missing from my life. I don't want to fend off questions or sympathy about my situation. Childfree stops the questions and sympathy. It is what it is.

It’s very simple:

Society pressurises people into the belief that having children is the most valuable and viable choice.

Some people do not want children and some people can’t have them. Society tells them they are lacking something.

‘Childless’ reinforces this as a lack. ‘Childfree’ does not.

If you have a problem with this, you are raging on the behalf of convention.

Quite a good way of saying - don't ask me any more questions - my decision; especially when said in a very positive voice.

Some people are too nosy for their own good and need the extra help to grasp it's none of their business.

I like child free. it might just be you OP who doesn't like it. Don't like childless - its as though you are missing something. I am the only person in the family btw with kids...

I'e never heard child-free to describe anything other than a period of time away from your kids- gran has the kids this weekend so we can get things done child-free. But I might start using it now. There is nothing more heartbreaking than having to explain, justify, excuse why you don't have kids- I feel this a lot as I bloody love children, worked as a nanny for many years, yet can' have my own.

The conversation tends to go- where do your children go school/how old/how many, because people assume children particularly if I mention my job. If I say I don't have any the 'yet' always seems to be implied. Plently of times speaking to mums at playgroups and in the playground, so most of my social life when I worked full time, it's kind of a shock statement to say I don't have any myself. It isn't simply stating something, it's breaking an assumption and hurts every single time.It can be hard for a parent to understand this, I don't mean those who struggled themselves or had other issues.

I adore children, always wanted them always will, but will never have them. And I know the answer to that is usually 'have you considered' as in have you considered adoption, fostering, surrogacy, IVF, going vegan (said by a friend in a serious tone, because not eating ham will certainly cure my infertility). Yes funnily enough I have put hours of thought into all options, yet as I'm standing here now with no adopted child or whatever, clearly they weren't options that would work for my circumstances. I'm sure it can get incredibly annoying to those child-free by choice to have to explain it, to see the suprise at being outside the 'norm'. And for those who can't it's a constant painful heartbreak, and if using a different phrase or word will reduce that you bet I will fucking jump on it.

I've met far more smug parents than smug non parents.

OP seeing as you're determined to make unrelated comparisons to food and diet to try and badly make you're point, let's replace the word "child" with the word "cheese"

Someone says "I'm cheese less" and you think: "That poor sod has no cheese and they're pretty sad about it"

Someone says "I'm cheese free" and you think: "Oh they don't like/want/eat cheese. They have no cheese but don't seem bothered about it. I don't get it because I bloody love cheese and would never not want cheese in my life but they seem happy, good for them"

Well, that last bit is what you should think. But you're not so you're just coming across as a bit of a knob instead.

Wow someone's angry this morning.

I always say I'm childfree on a weekend as my children see their dad and my step daughter sees her mother.

I don't use it for not having any children but me and DP are currently childfree together as we're having fertility issues.

@GoldilocksAndTheThreePears Ah yes, the have you considered" conversation. Obviously having discovered my DH is infertile, we have not considered our options, do please enlighten me. Patronising but well intending fuckers. I hate it. Gah.

Of course children are an encumbrance! A glorious, loving one, but Jesus, what other term would you like to use for creatures that wake you umpteen times a night, require feeding, clothing and bottom wiping for years, and generally really bloody get in the way of a quiet lie-in and lazy reading of Sunday papers? We choose to have them for good reason, but I find equally odiously smug this schtick that goes oh but children are always just perfectly marvellous humans, I wish to spend every last second of my time enjoying their blossoming, and what kind of callous unloving parent could ever refer to such cherubs as an inconvenience? You need to have words with yourself, because you have just caught an alternative version of your friend's smugness

Wish MN was sock free.

Just sayin'.

The term childfree serves good purpose, can we create one for having only children please? Just this morning I was asked by a recruiter why I only had one dc,

I don't think the term childfree is inherently condescending. Some people who describe themselves as childfree may additionally have an attitude about it, but no more than some parents who might be smug about their lives.