To find the term 'child free' annoying?

[stuffstuffeverywhere]

Why not just say you don't want kids? Why do people have to make it sound like some dietary requirement? It's as if they see small humans as some kind of allergen or digestive irritation to be avoided.

'the term implies that people who do have kids are not free and are somehow encumbered'

You took the words out of my mouth @VladmirsPoutine and PPs.

People who have kids are certainly not free and are indeed encumbered. They may like it, but that's their 'burden of blessings' as I heard someone say.

You can't do whatever you like when you have kids. You can't just decide to hop on the next flight to nowhere for the weekend. No such thing as a lie in when you are sick or have a day off work, no quickly nipping anywhere.

I have kids myself and they are my whole life. However, I only really like my own kids. As much as I get on well with kids, and I'll protect and stand up for children, I generally don't want to spend any of my leisure time around other 'small humans'. I don't enjoy pictures of people's kids shoved in my face so that I can say 'Aw'. Who cares?

When I don't have my kids with me, I say I'm 'child-free' for that night or weekend or whatever.

So, yeah, maybe your friend looks at your kids and thinks ' ew, thank goodness I'm child-free!' She has every right to say it whatever way she likes.

Tangent- a great retort for 'but YOU were a child once!' Is 'yes, and one day I'll be a corpse. Doesn't mean I want one in my house.'
😁

Contesse, thank you.

I am so baffled by that "you were a child once" but tbh I've only heard it on here.

I had pneumonia once but I definitely don't want it again.

anyway, it's staggering in how completely irrelevant it is.

I've never met one who I didn't think was a bit odd. Or sad

Not sure whether I'd be classed as odd or sad 🤔 Perhaps odd since I'm very happy with my childfree life. I'm a brilliant Auntie (So I'm told 😃). I adore my nieces but I've never had the desire to be a Mum.

I'd view someone saying Childfree as just being positive.

My opinion is that, like Cammie, I'd assume they were putting a positive spin on not being able, decided not or did not have children. It's none of our business why they don't have children, I'd guess the reasons would be emotional and don't really deserve criticism from some else.

Personally we only one have one child due to secondary infertility. But Ive lost count of the times in small talk in response to the question 'when are you going to have another one'. Or comments about how much easier it must be with one, 'you wouldn't understand only got one' etc I've replied that we're quite happy with one, two looks like too much hard work etc etc. All lies I'd give anything for another round of sleepless nights, juggling a baby and toddler single handed etc. But saying that it's quite painful to be reminded about it liked its my selfishness for not having another and discussing our infertility and emotional pain isn't something I want to do in small talk. So I make our situation sound positive.

You know that people have ran out of anything truly pertinent to say when they resort to trite, shite like "why are you so angry/bitter", "why do you care" and the classic "keep taking the pills"...

Before I changed my mind a few years ago about having kids; if it came up for some reason I'd say I was "childless by choice". Never used the term "child free" maybe because it sounds kind of awkward I dunno.

It doesn't bother me if other people use the term though, but then again I don't assume people who choose not to have children automatically hate all kids.

I've certainly struck a nerve with my comment 'you were a kid once.' That wasn't a dig at the decision not to have children, which is perfectly understandable, but at the blatant dislike of children some people seem to have. That seems ridiculous in view of the fact that children are not a separate species, we were all children once. No need to react so strongly to it.

there is a difference = childless is the ones that wanted but did not have kids
childfree that made the choice to be without kids
the fact that people use childfree gives you the tip not to go down the route of discussing nappies, schools etc
I agree that those who have the little darlings should look after them - i could have kidnapped several little ones as parents too busy on phone/ looking in shops etc. What gets my goat is the ones that sit on the bus or train and are obsessed with their phone - no interaction with their offspring. I used to speak to my dog more that many parents do with the kids. No wonder kids are now far behind with speech when they go to school

Tbh the most enthusiastic anti child comments on MN seem to come from parents, 'adore my children, can't stand anyone else's' kind of thing. That's not a rare sentiment round these 'ere parts.

I am childfree.

Don't really care if it annoys you.

Childfree childfree childfree ☺️

That seems ridiculous in view of the fact that children are not a separate species, we were all children once. No need to react so strongly to it

It's not at all. We were all children once but now we are adults. Having been one does not preclude not liking them as a group, since there are so many differences between adults and children.

That’s true milly- I’m childfree (CHILDFREE) but I like children.

I've found that these 'child free' people are often also 'gluten free' and 'dairy free' for no medical reason, other than " it's healthier " or " more natural ". Possible also wibbling on about paleo-bollocks or clean eating. Or they only want 'positive people' in their lives.

Not enough froth on the thread for your taste? You could always add something about their parking, weight or benefit entitlement, that should get things going.

Wibbling is a beautiful word, I give you that.

Lizzie48 "I've certainly struck a nerve with my comment 'you were a kid once.' That wasn't a dig at the decision not to have children, which is perfectly understandable, but at the blatant dislike of children some people seem to have."

still doesn't make sense. Also, when I was a kid, I didn't like kids

I don't like children, I admit it freely. I play with my friend's children and have had to do a lot of looking after a child of a single parent friend. But in general, no, I don't like children. I don't think that makes me a bad person, but also, I completely fail to see the link between that and having been a child.

I should add, I might feel a bit less "I don't like children" if they weren't everywhere all the time. In my 20s, you could hang out in a coffee shop without it being Child Central and I didn't find children so irritating then - probably because I only saw them at friend's houses etc.

*friends' children that should say

actually after several years of playing with friends' children, endless hide and seek and peekaboo and so on, it's not really surprising I've hit my limit, as I was never a child friendly person and this has been going on for years!

another PS

some of the teens are a joy though - and one lad has gone to uni and took the baby toy I gave him in his bag. I like that. I just really hope that these lovely teens and adults leave it till I'm dead to have their own children because I cannot cope with infants again!!

So do children grow up and suddenly become a different species when they wake up one morning? Some adults can be far more annoying than children, especially when they've had too much to drink, or a businessman talking loudly on the phone.

Also, some children are more annoying than others. Children colouring in quietly at a restaurant with their families are far less annoying than a rowdy hen or stag night.

There's too much generalisation on this thread.

Like a pp I use the term child free as I we spent years trying but it never happened.
I have made my peace with this but I find that child free stops people asking questions.

And I'm not particularly keen on children's games like Peekaboo or Hide and Seek. I love my DDs, and my nieces and nephews, but I can't say I'm particularly excited by children's games. And I hate soft play with a passion, we only go there for children's parties.

But I don't decide on the basis of that that I don't like children. I don't like football, but I don't dislike my DH because he loves it.

I get that, @SimonBridges I hated the term 'childless' when we were TTC. I hated having to say anything about it. Basically people are just rude and shouldn't ask intrusive questions anyway.

I thought child free differentiated between those who actively chose not to have DC and those who are childless ie would like to have DC but haven’t try/can’t? Sorry if that’s not right...

Lizzie48 "So do children grow up and suddenly become a different species when they wake up one morning?"

after the toddler stage, quite possibly.

some people seem very offended by the statement "don't like children". It's not saying "I think children are terrible people" it's more like saying "I don't enjoy spending time with children".

Would you find that less offensive? I could be misreading tone - of course online makes this difficult, and you aren't a poster I "know" so to speak - but I feel like you are upset at the idea that some people don't like children?

but there are lots of people who say they like their own children but don't like children generally and that doesn't seem to have bothered you?

as for the child games - well, what do you think happens when AuntyRiverside comes round? The children want to play; isn't that natural? I can't sit there and talk them about what I'm reading or my mum's heart problems, can I? so how would I have avoided playing with them?

Not having kids goes against the "normal" social convention/expectation

Therefore making it in to a positive.. child "free" helps those people who either can't or don't want kids, so that they aren't either pitied or judged

Maybe people need to asking if others have children. I'm sick of explaining why I don't have kids. I'm now at the point of saying child free by choice because it hurts less than saying I can't have children.