what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

[beclev24]

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

7 and 4 is too old for that kind of behaviour.
If they can't behave in a supermarket, they shouldn't be there - and you need to be clear with them on that.

Rewards for good behaviour will work (whomever has behaved in the supermarket will get X in the car on the way home). But also consequences for not listening need to be bought in.

Almost all children can be taught how to behave in public (excluding severe SEN obviously) and anyone trotting out "boys will be boys" is making shit up.

I wouldn't judge because I'm not that sort of person. However I would wonder why you'd put yourself through that.

I wouldn't think to much of it, I'd think you have very little control over them with them thinking its OK to be wrestling. I'd totally be judging the mum with her 5 year old in the trolley seat though. I have a 5 year old and she would look fucking ridiculous. My 3 year old hasn't been in a trolley seat for around a year

just try and be the best you can be hun.dont worry.
do YOU think they were out of control.would they have stopped,quietened down stepped into line if youd have asked.if so then they are fine.just having fun.
depending on what mood I wwas in id react different.y but never against you.and even if I took it as a "wo wow boys" id like to think within a few minutes id have recaptured myself and gone.aww but that's lovely to see.
but usually from what you describe id think.how lovely.as long as they weren't being naughty,abusive.rude.vandalising stuff then I don't see a problem.
when your worrying so much about other people you will become paranoid and they will pick up on it too.and act differently or more outside themselves.it would become awwakrd more because other people would pick up on you looking uncomfortable in the situation you weew in.where as if you look happy with them.smilin,joining in a bit and showing they wikl shush a bit if you tell them then people will see your just a happy family.and either be jealously bitchy or love it and smile at you too.
there are all sorts of asswholes who will judge for no reason.
your job is to be the best for you and yourfamily and enjoy them.enjoy the time they laugh together and laugh with them.

Id feel bad that you didnt have someone to watch the kids while you did your shopping as it wouldmake it easier on you

I wouldnt feel judgemental. My kids are a pain if i take them all out together. Kids can be lively

Why are they behaving like that? Why do they think it's acceptable? Wrestling in the supermarket, really? You need to get control over them. Noise wouldn't bother me, their behaviour would. Put a stop to it. It's nothing to do with them being boys, it's the lack of discipline and respect.

You shouldn't feel self aware or bad for exuberance, there's nothing wrong with it. For the naughty stuff, have you tried insentivising with a choc bar end of trip if incident-free? I do think in all of this, that you are stressing far far too much about what's going through other people's minds. Most people just want to grab their bogs rolls, pay up and get out!

Branleuse two are school age - why not just go in school time? Even if you work you can pick up some stuff in your lunch hour or on the way home

You shouldn't have to be 'pulling them off' things at those ages tbh...that's plenty old enough to listen.

Sometimes mine do my head in in supermarkets and I get the jokes/laughter/silliness a lot. Volume creeps up and sometimes I need to give several 'quiet down' reminders. But wrestling in the aisles is a no.

what elmo said xx

My DC have gone through phases of this so you have my sympathy. I am not happy when my two do it and I have left the shopping and walked out of the supermarket when they were being a real PITA. That gave them a real shock. Shopping is boring for DC so I give them jobs to do - they know what a jar of Nutella or a box of cornflakes look like so I used to send them down the aisle to get them.
Once shoe shopping with them DS2 was being a complete pain and I turned around told him to stop mucking around, I had given up my time to get him shoes and he was behaving utterly unacceptably. The parent next to me turned to her child and said "See its not just me who gets fed up".

I wouldn't judge but I do think that some parents let boys get away with bad behaviour because they believe that is normal for boys.

I wouldn't judge you a bit given that it sounds like you are telling them off most of the time rather than smiling on adoringly when they act up.

And honestly OP, most people apart from the odd grumpy arsehole wouldn't bat an eyelid.

I bet you wish you hadn't of asked MN though. :o

Before I had kids, I'd have thought what badly behaved children. Now I have 3 close in age, and would think why the hell does that mum not do her shopping online like I do ;) I find that having my 2 boys (similar ages to your older ones) together means they behave much worse than either on their own or with their sister, for whatever reason. So I tend to avoid things like supermarkets which are just never going to work well for anyone, especially not me.

If my mil saw u in the shop she would feel the need to come over and tell them to stop misbehaving and do as there mother tells them, me on the other hand wouldn't take much notice but I have 4 kids myself and I no u can't always get them to behave how u want them to. Maybe you could write a shopping list for each of them and say they can only touch what is on there list and if they do correctly they then get a treat.

I'd think "bad parenting" - there's just not reason for behaviour like that in a shop, especially if they're picking up all the food items which other people then have to eat.
Even my oldest, who is 6 says "they're being really naughty" when he sees kids wrestling and grabbing in the shops.
Kids want to play, be loud and have fun but they also need to learn that no means no and there's a time and place.

Honestly I'd just be glad it wasn't me. I shop online because I'm lazy/ ds's 5 and7 are grabby at the supermarket and they don't listen. I suspect the consequence should be I'll take you home but really who can be bothered to abandon trolley midshop and go home without the necessary supplies. So I'm reduced to muttered threats and promises of dire retribution. Which gets good behaviour for three seconds before the nonsense starts again!

I'd think you should do internet shopping.

I'd think they were annoying and badly behaved - wrestling in the shop? Picking up random stuff constantly? Not listening to you?

Whatever you're doing clearly isn't working so I'd be trying to find new ways of disciplining them.

I'd probably feel sorry for you and think you were ineffective. Sorry!

Wow, so many perfect parents here. Who knew?

I would probably wonder why you didn't do your shopping while they were at school, as you obviously battle to control them in public.

I would not hate you or feel sorry for you. I would avoid you though! I wouldn't think you were a bad mum at all but I would think you were probably overwhelmed.

I have no patience for badly behaved children over toddler age, but especially not in public. I would consider wrestling and picking things up repeatedly badly behaved. But then I have a long list of things I consider unacceptable so I'm probably too strict!

I don't judge other people by my standards and would never say a word unless asked. I think it is a shame for the kids though. Other people would judge them and it's not their fault.

Children have little willpower and when people describe their badly behaved children as being strong-willed, in fact, the opposite is true. They are weak-willed and need to learn the art of self-control and delayed gratification.

I have the attitude that my children should only inconvenience me or their Dad. So if ours did this, we would leave. It would be hugely inconvenient but I have been known to leave a meal unfinished, and a trolley in an aisle over the years. I know lots of people disagree with this though.

I would think you are making life very hard for yourself in the future by not setting very clear boundaries now. I don't agree with the idea that well behaved children are down to luck. Most times I see a badly behaved child they are usually accompanied by an ineffective parent, endlessly repeating their name.

I know I will be accused of being smug but mine would never, ever do this. Over the age of about 3 their behaviour was reliable enough to not have to worry about it. I may have just been very lucky and given birth to 5 exceptionally compliant children though!

I think when you have multiple children there is more pressure to ensure they are well behaved. One badly behaved child could be bad luck or down to a lack of parenting experience. 2 is very unlucky. More than 3 badly behaved kids running riot is definitely down to parenting!

When my youngest was a newborn my others were 3, 5, 8 and 11. I know it is hard work but if you don't find a way of getting them to comply now then it is only going to get harder as they get older.

I'm sure that you are a lovely mum and that your kids are lovely too. My comments are only in relation to what you have shared. I would smile sympathetically if I saw you and would never want to make someone feel bad. We all have bad days.

I would judge and I do, I think why do people have kids if they cannot be bothered teaching them to behave and have good manners and consideration for other people? Its a supermarket not a playground. How can you keep an eye on them if they are running riot? what if they have an accident? what if they cause an accident?

People saying you cannot tell them to behave? WTF? How about teaching them from the beginning how to conduct themselves?

When I was 25, I had a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a newborn. It wasnt always easy but they were taught to walk nicely holding onto the pram when out shopping. if they were good they then got a treat such as a trip to the park to let off excess energy.

so yes, i would avoid families like yours. You see them every weekend in the supermarket, running around, playing football in the store, using a scooter! why they dont go to the park baffles me.

Yes, I would judge. I’d probably think that you either can’t control your kids or you can’t be bothered to control your kids.
There is a time and a place for that sort of behaviour. A supermarket aisle isn’t one of them.
This ^^. Sorry but shops aren't playgrounds and you have to take the feelings of others into consideration.

I’d smile sympathetically and think “I’ve been there”.

😂😂

Yes!
I'd have this exact same reaction