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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 14/03/2018 08:54

Unless people physically hurt me (ram their cart into my heels, run full pelt into me, trip me over) I really don't care what they do in the supermarket.

If people want to shop undisturbed they need to do it online and have it delivered. Everything else is being precious and thinking you're the only person with a life that needs to get the shopping in.

TeeBee · 14/03/2018 08:55

I couldn't give two shits to be honest. Most kids are hyper in supermarkets. A little trick I did with mine was to give them part of the shopping list and send them off to get stuff. They used to love coming back and telling me about the bargains they'd found.
I also used to keep little treats in my pocket and every now and again I used to say 'anyone holding onto my trolley NOW gets a treat'. That way they always used to stay close and listen. I used to get lots of people commenting how well behaved my kids were in the supermarket. I used to laugh and say 'chocolate buttons!'

And you really need to stop giving a fuck what other people think. You've as much right to live on the planet as anyone else.

apostropheuse · 14/03/2018 08:55

I would think this has the potential for being a Mumsnet thread, with a real chance of being in the Daily Mail.

I would judge too, because it's beyond the realms of acceptable behaviour.

SoupDragon · 14/03/2018 08:57

I like to see little boys behaving like little boys.

Is there a definitive list about how little boys behave? What if a little girl is wrestling with her sister and messing with the stock?

Mary1935 · 14/03/2018 08:57

Hi Becky - you are a good mother - you are doing your best - you are concerned what others think - supermarket shopping can and is stressful with children. You sound like you have 2 lively happy boys who just need a bit of guidance when shopping.
Either start ordering on line - or try and go alone if you have someone that can have them - if not - then I once watched Supernanny - she advised involving your children in the shopping experience - sending them off for fruit and veg - etc
Don't feel bad - do your boys behave at school? I'm sure they do.
They have a lot of energy - you can redirect them in the supermarket.
Lots of mums wouldn't have posted about there behaviour "as they don't give a toss" about how others see them. YOU DO. Don't feel bad. 🌺

Bubba1234 · 14/03/2018 08:58

I always say I have a deaf ear after having my own the shouting crying dsnt bother me in the slightest.
People say the worst thing is being on a plane with crying kids.they could scream the entire flight I wouldn’t notice it never bothers me

Lollypop27 · 14/03/2018 08:58

Would I judge you? Not at all. I’ve been there with 3 boys. They behaved perfectly well at home and at school but the minute I walked in to Sainsbury’s they turned in to shits.

My advice for you is to divide and conquer ds1 please can you get me bananas ds2 please can you get me oranges. Also I bribed mine Blush we went to the toys first where they got to choose a matchbox car for £1 I then threatened them with putting it back if they were naughty.

It seems the mumsnet perfect parents are out in force on this thread Hmm

GriefLeavesItsMark · 14/03/2018 08:59

Is this another Munster v real life? MN smile sympathetically, and think ive been there'. RL judging the fuck out of you, and looking for an assistant to tell you to reign the fuck in or Puss off to another supermarket..

morningconstitutional2017 · 14/03/2018 09:00

I'd think 'bloody hell' and then go down another aisle and hope you didn't catch up with me. Could you shop while they're at school? Less stress for you trying to keep them under control and they could let off steam at home.

PrimalLass · 14/03/2018 09:01

Why is not taking them not an option?

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/03/2018 09:01

I'd think you had your hands full. I wouldn't judge.
Kids can be loud, boisterous and touch stuff. That's children!!!
My DD used to be like this-now she's older (8) I give her errands to fetch things.
However, I tend to do most of my shopping online (Asda) and pick up little bits when she is at school. She only comes shopping with me during the holidays now.
Definitely recommend online shopping if you are able to.

paxillin · 14/03/2018 09:02

The noise wouldn't bother me. I think you should stop them the picking up every item in the shops though.

I couldn't buy a cake I wanted last week because a child had rifled through them and they were all flattened. I don't believe stuff doesn't get damaged if two exuberant children pick them up for laughs, it does flatten cakes, crack eggs and plastic tubs and turn biscuits into crumbs.

NewImprovedNinja · 14/03/2018 09:02

Hi beclev24, I think you need some happy therapy to help you live your life not giving a damn what complete strangers might think about you. You will be much happier which is far more important that wasting your precious life trying to please others.

Set your own moral code, boundaries and expectations and accept that there are weird people out there who love to judge people negatively whatever they're doing/not doing and it doesn't matter a jot.

fleshmarketclose · 14/03/2018 09:03

I'd wonder why you weren't sorting them out tbh and then I'd thank my lucky stars that your dc weren't mine. I do think though, if you worry what other people think then give them less to think about by being seen to be effective at controlling your children. Most people don't expect perfect behaviour from children but they do expect to see that the parent in charge is in fact in charge.

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/03/2018 09:03
Wine
LadySainsburySeal · 14/03/2018 09:04

Did OP ever return or is this going to appear in the Daily Mail? Hmm

TheFairyCaravan · 14/03/2018 09:05

I’d judge you. I’d think you’re a lazy parent tbh. A supermarket isn’t a playground children should walk alongside their parents.

I’m disabled, and walk with crutches, I don’t need to be worrrying about children running about and wrestling in the aisles when I’m in a shop. If your children knocked me over they’d put me in hospital for a very long time. Imagine if they knocked over a frail old person? You really need to get a grip on their behaviour.

I’ve got two boys. Saying “boys will be boys” is such a cop out. Boys are children, they don’t need to behave like this anymore than girls do. Our boys never went through the supermarket picking things up and running about because they had boundaries and they knew they weren’t allowed to.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 14/03/2018 09:05

I’d probably feel slightly sorry for you - it doesn’t sound like the end of the world, but I’d definitely think, “she has her hands full”!

I have a 3yo who can be a bit of a handful at the supermarket, so I only take her on small shopping trips where she can help pick things etc. She sometimes gets a small treat, (one of those sugar free lollies), if she behaves well.

My youngest is only a baby, so I imagine I’ll be doing the same as you in a few years! Or doing all my shopping online.

Lizzie48 · 14/03/2018 09:05

Typical Mumsnet AIBU - OP lights the touch paper then scarpers to leave posters frothing at the mouth with no one there to argue with anymore.

The OP isn't there, folks!! Grin

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 14/03/2018 09:06

The laughter and joking - no problem.

Picking up stuff -depends if you mean multipacks of crisps (soft) or kitchenware (fragile)

The wrestling is the bit that I would judge as that's going too far. I'm not saying that my kids have never done it but they'd be in big trouble for that one.

Personally I'd be wondering why you didn't shop online or shop when your h could be at home with the kids.

Mrsmadevans · 14/03/2018 09:08

I am sorry for saying this but you did ask us to tell you, I would think 'thank God l had girls'.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 14/03/2018 09:08

am the mother of the 4 year old who once decided to get his willy out and pee onto the floor in an M&S Cafe

I potty trained ds1 when he was 2 and non-verbal. He got his silly out in the middle of Tesco Express and so had to grab him and run out with double buggy. Blush

madeyemoodysmum · 14/03/2018 09:08

In a supermarket it wouldn't bother me at all.
In a cinema or cafe restaurant I would be annoyed

It depends on the situation tbh

ShiftyMcGifty · 14/03/2018 09:12

“MN smile sympathetically, and think ive been there'. RL judging the fuck out of you, and looking for an assistant to tell you to reign the fuck in or Piss off to another supermarket..”

GrinGrin yup. Fine outside, fine in park, not acceptable in a supermarket where people are looking in the aisles and would have to work hard at avoiding hitting two “playful” children with a trolley or a basket.

Billben · 14/03/2018 09:16

Yes, I would judge. I’d probably think that you either can’t control your kids or you can’t be bothered to control your kids.
There is a time and a place for that sort of behaviour. A supermarket aisle isn’t one of them.
And for somebody who worries a lot about what people think in general, I must say you’re not doing a very good job at teaching your children how to behave in public.