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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ADHD - no diagnosis but I can't function

193 replies

SquashFeet · 13/03/2018 23:33

I've shown all the signs of ADHD since I was a child. Professionals agree it's likely but say s diagnosis will not help me.

I can't function. I can't concentrate. I can't keep a job for longer than 6 months as I get bored and stressed with it. I'm shit at everything because I can't focus. I forget everything. I'm always in trouble. I just want to run awY and like a simple life with no responsibilities. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Easter - every occasion stresses me out because the task of organising anything, even buying a card seems HUGE to me. Don't even get me started on Christmas, how I made it through the last one I don't know. I can't do this anymore, I'm not happy, I'm stressed out. Everything is just too much and my head feels like it's getting mashed up with info

OP posts:
Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 22:07

Thanks for starting that other thread!!! (I had considered doing similar but, cause, procrastination....)

People's brains are fascinating!!

I wonder if the difference is many people have a monologue in their heads, we've got a dialogue going?

I mean I've got my voice in my head, it's the voice scripting out my post. But there are also the other thoughts vying for attention?

DaisyGiveMeYourAnswerDoo · 26/03/2018 22:09

Thank you BeUp. I'm just reading the thread about the pp who took the meds and could suddenly concentrate for more than a few minutes, and could write a to do list and carry it out from top to bottom. My god, I'd rather be able to do that than win a million pounds Blush

But I agree, I'm sure medication isn't the only way. And I do have an addictive personality, so am aware myself of that issue, and don't want to be back in that state - I'd rather be a procrastinating laze around for the rest of my life than have my toddler have somebody like that for a parent. But a diagnosis would at least confirm that I'm not this way due to my own shortcomings. That would be comfort in itself. That I've done so well to achieve this degree in spite of not being NT. Not that I could have achieved so much more if I wasn't so lazy. Which is what I beat myself up about on a daily basis whilst I should be getting on with my dissertation.

Another thing I wanted to ask. I have very few memories of my childhood. I have aphantasia, which means I do not have visual memories - I have no mind's eye at all. Will this go against me in the assessment? My mum would probably fill out a questionnaire, but am unsure if she'd take part in the assessment f2f. She'd think I was silly limiting my career opportunities with a diagnosis. Next question. Will it? I hope to be a psychologist one day. I need to have personal MH assessment/ counselling before I can become one. Plus medical background info needs to be provided for the jobs I'll need for experience (and probably the psych doc itself). Will this limit me? I'm not looking for special treatment, but if I'm legally obliged to give this info, will it make my dream career less likely?

Sorry for all the questions. I was going to start my own thread, but you guys are so brilliant and knowledgable.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 22:12

Daisy, I've now taken my first step towards diagnosis by booking in with my gp, and part of what I'm hoping for is almost acceptance of myself. That I'm not actually lazy, or dizzy or spacy, but that my brain is actually wired differently and I don't have to beat myself up every time I cock up in the myriad of ways I usually do.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 22:16

I don't actually know if you have to tell employers?? If I'm diagnosed I don't have any intention of telling my line manager, and they have no right to my medical records so I would have thought it would remain private if you wished? You'd only have to know if you wanted reasonable adjustments made?
No idea!! Although I read somewhere that you are supposed to notify dvla?

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 22:21

Daisy I know what you mean about being worried to get a diagnosis, but surely it would be better to know and get support, than to not know and keep on struggling? No idea about what counts for or against in an assessment, all you can do is be honest.

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 22:24

I don't think you have to tell an employer... does anyone know for certain what the law is? Or have experience of telling their employer / 'coming out' as ADHD at work?

DaisyGiveMeYourAnswerDoo · 26/03/2018 22:31

When I worked as a support worker at a psych hospital, I had to disclose any medical conditions and give them permission to check with my GP. This is NHS, min wage level. Not sure if anybody else has any advice on this? I have wanted to be a psychologist my whole life; I have got 9 years experience, my degree is based around it. So if it would limit the probability of me going into that career, I wouldn't search for a diagnosis.

BertieBotts · 26/03/2018 22:38

I do think most people have an internal dialogue but most people are in control of it, it's not like constantly having a six year old monologuing in your ear about their topic of choice. Actually I find mine is more like a busy pub with several conversations going on at once and I can only really follow one at a time but am vaguely aware of the others, and then sometimes I get a bit distracted and stop listening to the people on my own table but get interested in the conversation on the table next to me instead, this is how I can lose whole thought trains which I've really been concentrating on. I always think my brain is a bit drunk and trying to keep up with itself!

And I remember as a child being surprised when people complained about having a song stuck in their head because I don't think my internal jukebox has ever switched off, either, and that's mostly stuck on random.

Daisy I agree with Be Up, don't apologise or make excuses, just say "I'd like a referral to the adult ADHD assessment team because I've noticed a lot of similarities and it's causing problems for me." If you like be prepared to list a few of the ways that you fit into the checklist but they should not need to ask as they are not qualified to make the assessment, just the referral. IF they bring the drug issue up, then say you're just looking for a diagnosis and not medication - but really it shouldn't come into it. In fact, previous substance abuse is common in people with ADHD because we self medicate. I'm probably lucky that I got pregnant at 19 or I'd likely have ended up with addiction issues myself, which is scary.

Back to internal monologue - I identified YEARS ago that I can follow my thoughts much more clearly when I explain them to somebody else, or write them down. That has always helped me. It's funny that it's only after linking this to ADHD I realise that this slows them down enough for me to both hold onto AND process them!

Apparently they don't really know why stimulants work but there are a couple of theories. One older one is that they work on the dopamine part, I can't remember exactly what it is, sort of that most people produce enough dopamine themselves to self motivate and self reward. Similar to antidepressants in that antidepressants either enable you to accept the dopamine/seratonin or cause you to stop wasting it constantly so that you can use what you have. ADHD medication is supposed to increase dopamine production so that it meets the ADHD brain's higher capacity and hence need for it, something like that. But the other theory which is newer, although neither have been proved or disproved, is that the stimulants stimulate the part of the brain which normally deals with executive function, which is found to be lacking in ADHD (this explains basically all of our symptoms, if you look up a description of poor executive function, it's ADHD) - and it's basically the executive function which allows you to "act grown up" - it puts a filter over your reactions so that they aren't as impulsive, it helps you to stay on a task, it reminds you there were things you were supposed to be doing, etc.

People with ADHD will often find that stimulants and depressants have unexpected or opposite effects for them. Caffeine tends to make me sleepy unless I drink it in the morning. If I smoke weed (which is incredibly rare) I hit my talkative, excited phase just when everyone else is wanting to go to sleep, which is slightly annoying!

Is anyone else struggling with the clock change, by the way? I hate mornings at the best of times and I haven't stuck to my bedtime tonight or yesterday. We keep eating too late which throws me off completely.

YassQueen · 26/03/2018 22:38

I work in the NHS. There was no obligation to disclose medical problems, but I disclosed the ADHD because pre-medication it affected me badly in the workplace. I started a year ago, shortly after starting medication, so I figured as much support as possible could only be a good thing.

They've been brilliant. Couldn't be more helpful. I haven't hidden it from colleagues, just chatted about it generally in the same way you'd moan about a bad cold or open up if you were struggling with stress. People have just been interested (many thought it was just a "naughty boy" thing so I've been able to do a bit of educating and stigma busting Grin ) and wanted to know if they can help.

I haven't notified DVLA, as far as I'm aware unless it impairs your driving there's no requirement to. I drive an automatic though, I found manual too overwhelming and too much to focus on at once, so I'm not sure if that makes a difference.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 22:39

I might be completely wrong here, but I think adhd falls under mental health which falls under disability as a protected characteristic under equality act so in theory they should not be able to discriminate against you.

On the other hand, I imagine that many people who are in possession of a protected characteristic don't feel very protected by the equality act in practice.

In theory, you should be fine, but I don't know what the real world result would be.

I'm also not a lawyer nor work for hr so could be talking bollocks.

BertieBotts · 26/03/2018 22:40

Not sure about the studying/job - possibly a question to ask AADD UK?

BertieBotts · 26/03/2018 22:43

Since I was diagnosed abroad my mum obviously couldn't come to the assessment. My doctor was happy for her just to fill in the forms and email. She also spoke to DH on the phone. He didn't want to take time off work just for a 5 minute conversation, which was fair (though I probably could have been more honest about wanting his support!)

OneFineDaye · 26/03/2018 22:45

i know ADHD is classified as a disability in America including because it must be declared on your driving licence (not 100% sure about that) but don't know wether its classified as a disability in the U.K at all.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 23:18

Bertie I've just realised that if I'm trying to think through something complex, the first thing I do is grab a bit of paper to help me script my thoughts out. My desk at work is full of scribbled on bits of paper. I didn't realise that was linked.

The more I think about it, the more areas of my life I can see are affected, and it's quite sobering, really. The impulsive behaviour isn't always great (although I do have a lovely husband and son out of it), nor the condemnation for being lazy and disorganised.

DaisyGiveMeYourAnswerDoo · 27/03/2018 00:17

Useful everyone, thank you. My little DD recently became very unwell and hospitalised, and the GP we saw for aftercare was so thoughtful - ringing me everyday for updates on her. I think I'll go to him. I think hope that he will see that I'm a good mum that wouldn't be making all of this up on the hope to get some amphetamines. He also said in a previous consult about anxiety that I should be really proud of myself, and he was expecting to meet somebody totally different when he had read through my records prior to the appointment! So I hope he'll see past the records. I'll bring loads of notes too.

I just spoke to my mum and she said I'm fine, I don't have it and I'm much better not being medicated and just finding my own ways to deal with my quirks. Did you guys need to have a family member to take part in getting your diagnosis?

BertieBotts · 27/03/2018 06:38

My mum was anxious about medication as well, she's into new age stuff and is quite anti things like that.

I think if you know they're hostile they don't need to be involved but ask.

DamsonGin · 28/03/2018 11:14

Not responding to anyone in particular as my brain's not quite in gear (I tend to follow various thing for DS1 but am starting to wonder for myself now too), but there's a pretty good twitterer/ youtuber @HowtoADHD. Just thought I'd mention, she's done a pretty good response to a recent documentary on Netflix on meds.

Omgnamechange · 22/03/2020 07:57

Great thread

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