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Original poster

ADHD - no diagnosis but I can't function

193 replies

SquashFeet · 13/03/2018 23:33

I've shown all the signs of ADHD since I was a child. Professionals agree it's likely but say s diagnosis will not help me.

I can't function. I can't concentrate. I can't keep a job for longer than 6 months as I get bored and stressed with it. I'm shit at everything because I can't focus. I forget everything. I'm always in trouble. I just want to run awY and like a simple life with no responsibilities. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Easter - every occasion stresses me out because the task of organising anything, even buying a card seems HUGE to me. Don't even get me started on Christmas, how I made it through the last one I don't know. I can't do this anymore, I'm not happy, I'm stressed out. Everything is just too much and my head feels like it's getting mashed up with info

OP posts:
gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 15:15

Welcome to you both and congratulations for taking that step!

I wish I hadn't put it off for so long, but then at the time, I didn't know there was anything functionally wrong. If you do end up joining the team, then I'm pretty sure life will be easier than where we are all were.

Was a lot more aware of my behaviours over the weekend and being 'outside', looking in at me was rather fascinating. Had a few more lightbulbs as to why I do what I do. I actually think I like myself so much more now! We are all amazing creatures.

Keep going everyone Flowers

gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 16:26

.....Mm, not 'wrong', should have said 'different' Grin

YassQueen · 26/03/2018 17:45

This is an interesting article that I saw in an ADHD group about 6 months ago - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria . I've experienced this since I was tiny - wanting to read something to someone or show them something I was excited about, and if someone tells me they aren't interested/interrupts/asks me to wait until later, it feels like a huge rejection and I feel humiliated and devastated, it's an overwhelming, uncontrollable sensation. Reading this was a lightbulb moment for me, wonder if it might be the same for any of you?

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 26/03/2018 17:55

When it comes to autism and ADHD there is a diagnostic crisis in this country.

OP I am now on a waiting list for autism assessment....I have had to fight tooth and nail for this and I am exhausted. It shouldn't be that hard.

I am certain I also have ADHD but quite honestly I suspect I will have to find the money to self fund it.

No there is no treatment for me but just t9 have that understanding and validation would be a start.

gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 18:25

Oh yeh, YassQueen saw that and been discussing for a while now with friends. Def have it. Been quite crippling in life Sad

I suspect someone else who has it too, but I'm assuming with the NHS Service & Mental Health resources so stretched to capacity it will be another thing not properly assessed or treated.

gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 18:33

Delores sorry to hear you're having to fight too. We're worn down before we even get an assessment.

I know a GP in the SEwho was so fed up with the lack of ADHD assessment & provision she set up her own ADHD Centre. They're STILL waiting to be accepted for NHS funding, but until then only parents or adults who can afford £1,500 can access it Angry

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 18:54

Thank you for the welcome to the club!

I found the rejection sensitivity really interesting. Like many of the symptoms it is the, "wait, what, you mean not everyone thinks like that?". Interesting that it is another aspect. And explains the fact that real or perceived rejection, no matter how slight, feels like someone just slapped me.

I remember being fascinated to discover that the constant internal dialogue in my head doesn't happen in other people's heads. I kept asking people what was in their head right at one moment, and they'd look at me Hmm and say, uh, nothing, silence. And they'd ask me and I'd say something like, "I'm really looking forward to my lunch, I seem to have painted my wall the same colour as that wall, oh look there's a cat over there and I like your tie"

I've also been trying to objectively observe my behaviour and compare it to others. Turns out I fidget rather a lot.

misscockerspaniel · 26/03/2018 19:04

The "constant internal dialogue in my head": I thought that was normal Grin

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 19:08

It's our normal!Grin

Blew my mind when I realised it wasn't normal!

The realisation of "you mean other people's heads are just, um, quiet?"!!!

misscockerspaniel · 26/03/2018 19:16

So what do they think about? Nothing? Mind you, that explains why I can't multitask Grin Too busy doing something else. My mind goes like a tumble drier all day long.

QuiteLikely5 · 26/03/2018 19:20

Does anyone know how stimulants help ADHD when the brain is constantly thinking/busy etc

Surely medicine needs to slow the brain down

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 19:35

I'm quite good at multi tasking, well sort of. I do many things badly rather than one thing not at all.

Not really sure why the drugs are stimulants, I can only assume they help the mind focus? It's why I drink a lot of coffee, and I definitely notice the difference.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 19:37

And based on my small sample size, yes, other people's brains are just quiet until they need to think about something.

gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 20:30

It's so lovely to hang out with some normal people here. Why isn't everyone like us? Grin

The problem I have with this thread is that the fascinating dialogue triggers my internal monologue which fires off in different directions and I become internally hyperfocused!

I do now actually have some answers and ponderings to share with you, but because I've had a zillion thoughts I no longer have any time or energy to put any of them on paper! Aaaaaah. That is why I flunked my GCSE's and A levels!!!! Grin

God, what if the medication doesn't work?! Will my head spin off and eyeballs explode? ha ha ha

I've decided the only way to slow myself down and 'rest' as advised by multiple medical professionals, is to hack my legs off and sedate my brain. Let's hope another solution comes along before then......

I've got to come off the internet. It definitely makes me worse, doh.

1moreRep · 26/03/2018 20:44

hi all can i join please?

i found out i had adhd in november- my employer needed an up to date dyslexia assessment to grant me extra time in a promotion exam (hadn't had one since my original at 16 (18 yrs ago)

anyway in the asssesment the educational psychiatrist stated i had severe dyslexia but was highly functioning and what really was affecting my work was my adhd

she was staggered i had no idea/ diagnosis

my world was well and truly shook- i work in law enforcement and had dealt with a lot of people with adhd which did not help. i literally felt at 34 that my life was over (which is self indulgent and bollocks i know but i was devestated)

i have been waiting for a diagnosis appt throu work since. i have been wrongly diagnosed with mental health all my childhood and have always excelled at work unless it involves a lot of reading in busy offices

ive had the typical adhd childhood - eating disorders, self harm etc etc and now i'm only just understanding i'm not ill i just think differently

literally today after this thread i realised not everyone has the internal dialogue

gottaslowdown · 26/03/2018 21:05

What a back story 1moreRep Flowers You're amongst friends here! Smile

I know what you mean about your life as you know it falling apart. I wake up now each morning in a little shock. "I'm not neurotypical!?!" Then I'm hopeful that the future is going to be different!

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could link up all our internal monologues?! Think of the power!

See, I'm not sure my internal monologue is actually very helpful. To anyone Wink

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 21:15

What do you mean other people don't have a constant never-ending internal dialogue? Is that actually true?!

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 21:18

Also that RSD link... OMG Shock. I had never heard of that before but it explains so much.

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 21:36

I think so UpStanding. I can't swear to it, but the impression I get from most folk is that their brains are quieter.

I can't even begin to fathom how much more effective I'd be without my inner dialogue telling me to look out the window at butterflies.

I'm not even sure what a quiet brain would be like.

And yes to it being like a tumble drier.

JaneJeffer · 26/03/2018 21:40

literally today after this thread i realised not everyone has the internal dialogue
This can't be right!

Notlostjustexploring · 26/03/2018 21:42

Actually, I do remember having a quiet brain. I'd just gone back to work and my son was waking every 45 minutes and I was drinking espresso in place of tea. I was exhausted, couldn't stand and hold a conversation. My inner monologue was probably too tired to talk!!

My work was exemplary, beat all my deadlines, I was decisive, I was assertive, I was organised. I was just so tired I thought I would die. But it gave me an idea of what a quiet brain was like.

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 21:44

I've started a thread to ask others Grin. Although most people have a monologue, it must be along a scale. We are without doubt at the washing-machine-on-spin-cycle end of the spectrum, whereas perhaps most people are more walking-along-the-road (or running even) - by which I mean it's at a reasonable pace and thoughts tend to proceed in a logical order

DaisyGiveMeYourAnswerDoo · 26/03/2018 21:45

I am convinced I have ADD. Have been for a couple of years now. Rate often or very often for pretty much every symptom in that chart (I don't fiddle much, but I chew the inside of my lip constantly). It's getting worse, I can't watch tv, I can't do uni work, I'm failing as my procrastination levels are mental. That list was a bit of an eye opener actually - I'm not hyperactive, I'm lazy which is why I probably got missed as a kid. But I'm the first to run upstairs to talk to someone at work (about a work related matter) whilst other people will phone (which is really what you're supposed to do).

I'm sure I've got it. But I had substance misuse issues as a young teen, which are on my medical records. I'm 25 now; not touched drugs for years. But if I go to the GP, they're just going to think I'm doing it for the drugs aren't they?!

From the stories I've read, it's hard enough getting diagnosed - let alone with this extra barrier. They didn't even want to prescribe me standard antidepressants for years.

Saying that, I work at a GPs and the amount of scripts I sort for concerta a day is mental. Mostly for adults. But I think my docs are pretty forward thinking.

I don't know. I don't want to be made out to be a druggie. I wish the drugs used to treat it were just your run of the mill stuff.

My grades were so high in my first year of uni and have dropped almost 20%. I drink too much wine to relax. Wish I could watch tv or a film like normal people.

What do you all think? Maybe I could go to the gp and just be upfront and say here are all my symptoms, I know a lot about mental health and neurological conditions professionally and academically and have researched and am pretty sure I have add. I know you'll be reluctant to refer me due to my medical history and the drugs used to treat it, but I would like a diagnosis even if I am not able to treat with medication.

What do you all think?

DaisyGiveMeYourAnswerDoo · 26/03/2018 21:45

I have the internal dialogue too! Thought everyone did.

BeUpStanding · 26/03/2018 21:56

Daisy I say go and explain the problems you're having and that you think it might be ADHD. Don't say 'I know you'll be reluctant to refer me' because you don't know that.

And medication isn't the only answer. Having an understanding of how your brain works is massively helpful in itself, and there are lots of different tricks & tools you can use... to varying degrees of success it's true. Point is there are different types of support you can try, and getting a diagnosis will help you access them.