ADHD - no diagnosis but I can't function

[SquashFeet]

I've shown all the signs of ADHD since I was a child. Professionals agree it's likely but say s diagnosis will not help me.

I can't function. I can't concentrate. I can't keep a job for longer than 6 months as I get bored and stressed with it. I'm shit at everything because I can't focus. I forget everything. I'm always in trouble. I just want to run awY and like a simple life with no responsibilities. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Easter - every occasion stresses me out because the task of organising anything, even buying a card seems HUGE to me. Don't even get me started on Christmas, how I made it through the last one I don't know. I can't do this anymore, I'm not happy, I'm stressed out. Everything is just too much and my head feels like it's getting mashed up with info

When I know I need to concentrate, I use transcendental meditation. I learnt the technique years ago and I wouldn't have got through my law degree without it as trying to study is like a physical pain. Banging my head against a wall would hurt less but I don't need to explain, you know what I mean . About two hours after I meditate, the concentration kicks in and lasts for the rest of the day. I actually feel it kicking in.

I also now realise how much exercise helps to sap my hyperactivity. If I don't exercise, I am bouncing off the wall. No wonder I experienced years of difficulty leading a sedentary life and working 9-5 in an office.

Thanks to MN, I now know why

This thread is quite hilarious. It's quite tricky for some of us to pay full attention, read through a whole post, actually go and action what we've learned, then come back to feed back. Or not Maybe it's just me.

Bertie I am full of admiration for you, not taking any meds and working out a number of strategies that help as a survival mechanism. Congratulations on your pregnancy (I'm a RMC) I do hope that you will get chance to try some medication support afterwards. Life is hard enough for us without juggling demanding baby-care too. I've been there!

I was starting to think I was proper weird. I too have mild sensory issues (noise & strip lighting mainly) am clumsy, shit at sport, really couldn't get on with CBT or mindfulness/guided meditation stuff and never finish anything. I also wondered if I had OCD tendencies, but wondered if that was because if I didn't keep things fairly 'ordered' then life just fell apart. Who knows.

And cheers to DH's & partners who manage to live with us and support. Your DH sounds amazing Bertie. With DH being on the same spectrum as me, but also undiagnosed, we nearly sank! Luckily no-one has ended up being buried in the back garden.

Squash I hope you haven't run away, like you said in your Op

I've been ignoring all the difficulties for years. Now I have all the information and am going for a diagnosis, I am quite happy!

Has anyone else notified the DVLA about their ADHD? Saw this on your link Bertie. Do you have to notify your insurers too?

aadduk.org/living-with-adhd/

@misscockerspaniel Yep, exercise was the only thing that sorted my hyperactivity. Can't do that now with poor physical health, but interested in your Transcendental Meditation idea. Been looking in to it today. How did you learn it?

I don't want to add it to the already long list of 'gentle, calming activities & skills that I've never been able to sit and complete'

Gottaslowdown I learnt transcendental meditation about 25 years ago. Weekend courses were advertised in the local newspaper, I had a bonus from work and a friend persuaded me to go along.

After the first day, the woman taking the course told me that I was "horrible" and just like she had used to be! I was offended at the time but I think she must have meant that I was full on hyperactive. Anyway, there is a definite technique to it that needs to be taught face-to-face. I think that the Quakers might to something similar.

If I was a child today, rather than in the 1970s, I would definitely have been diagnosed and put on medication. In primary school, I was forever being sent for hearing tests. There is nothing wrong with my hearing. They knew something was wrong, just not what it was.

Just on the info you've given, it doesn't sound like ADHD. This tends to improve, symptoms wise, with age a little bit and yours sounds like it's getting worse.
*
Not true. Some fortunate people will find that their symptoms resolve with age, but often the increasing pressures of adult life actually make it more difficult. While you are a child/teen you tend to get a lot of assistance and structure from home/school. As an adult you are meant to be able to function alone. With ADHD this is often impossible.*

It's not so much that symptoms resolve, more that people tend to find their "niche" as they get older, and the type of work/lifestyle that fits their condition, so it had less of an impact on function (obviously this isn't the case for everyone)

I don't know. I can't drive anyway. I've failed my test four times. I actually suspect I would be a far better driver with medication - at some point I'll try again with a new instructor, perhaps with medication too, but I do suspect that the instructor was also unhelpful, because I was driving fine in the lessons according to him but then making stupid mistakes in the test. Part of that was that I got so anxious that I got tunnel vision and could barely concentrate on anything let alone the road (which felt unsafe so I'm not surprised I didn't pass!) but I also believe that actually I just wasn't doing as well as he kept claiming during my lessons either. I'm not very observant and have a tendency to zone out - I worry that I would be a terrible driver, actually. The physical nature of driving a manual car did help, though, I wouldn't dare try an automatic. I haven't driven in a long time but as a passenger sometimes I pretend I'm driving and I alarm myself with what I miss out (Although of course as a passenger I can't really pretend to do gear changes because I can't see the dashboard properly.) But then I beat myself up and think about how shit it is to be an adult who can't drive, I feel like a fraud/imposter, mostly like a child really, I feel guilty when I ask DH to drive me places and things like that and it's so frustrating to be reliant on public transport all the time. Actually I live in Germany which is also why I'm not up to date on UK driving law, and the public transport is excellent but I would have so much more freedom and save so much time and energy if I could just drive.

I don't know if my issues would have been picked up at school. I don't mask well at all. If you know ADHD then you can spot it in me a mile off, but most people don't know ADHD. But I was clever at school and didn't cause any trouble so there was never any reason to assess me for anything. However, DS's teacher points out exactly the things which were said about me and I'm getting him assessed soon. (He's nine and I've known ever since I identified it in myself but have been putting it off in case I was looking for things which aren't there). Actually I wonder if I was seven years old today I might end up with the label of twice exceptional. Which makes me feel like a hugely arrogant dick for considering that (!) but my psychiatrist said she was fascinated by this duality and she thought I had a brilliant brain (which has been said about me a lot, as well as that "so much potential" statement - both of which I actually find quite painful and difficult because it means nothing when I cannot apply it to anything meaningful). She wanted to do an IQ test on me but she only had it in German so she said it would be pointless. Actually one of my friend's daughters is diagnosed twice exceptional (ADHD/gifted) and I should feel happy or sympathy for her but I just feel huge sadness at what was missed for me and almost envious of this little girl who is actually not having the easiest time. Which is stupid really, it probably makes no difference in the long run, because 99% of people still have no clue and do not understand it.

DH must be a saint honestly. I quite often read threads where the unanimous response is LTB and I recognise myself in the bastard who ought to be left. How do you get past these massive gulfs in distortion of self image? On the one hand people tell me I'm brilliant but on the other hand I feel like an utterly worthless human, and the evidence for the latter is far stronger and more frequent. I'm sure that anyone who has ever known me before the age of 14 would be devastated to hear me say that which makes me wonder where did it all go wrong? But I do have up days too when I decide that I will be a success story and I can beat this and make it work for me.

DH is a manager type (that's literally his job and he's very good at it) and I am very lucky in that he is one of those rare people who looks and really sees people for who they are. Sometimes we clash and I wish he was a little less rigid or wanted to plan less or could be more laid back about mess but in reality we balance each other and I need him to be like that, it pushes me to be the best I can, and stops me from backsliding into utter failure. I probably would, on my own. In the years I lived alone/as a lone parent I almost got evicted and had social workers investigating because I did not clean the house or meet "normal" parenting standards (routine, sleep, food etc) and have run up several debts due to ignoring, forgetting, losing things. Adult responsibilities genuinely feel like too much sometimes.

Anyway, I had better go to bed.

gosh Bertie, your post made me feel quite sad

Sorry, I did get a bit melancholy, didn't I?

I am okay so don't worry about me :)

Ah thanks Bertie, that's good. I think MN is an excellent place to get melancholy and really empty your thoughts and soul. I am totally fascinated with other people's lives and their ponderings - & MN! .

With ADHD, I realise I have been carefully observing and note-taking on other people all my life, to see if I could gain any clues on how other people managed their lives, ha ha. I really thought I was just a bit of a dim neurotypical person . Not sure I'm super-intelligent like you, but I wouldn't have been assessed at school either, head down 'working' and not causing trouble. Well, daydreaming and procrastinating!

I'm glad you have a good DH. Battling with this stuff can be very isolating

Have a great weekend! And to everyone else trying to find your way through

Bedtime routine does help me a lot, I make sure that my work bag is ready and everything is in it from my pencil case (yes it has school stuff things in it like ruler, pencil, pen, rubber, notepad, tape measure, and other specific stuff I need for my job) to my lunch. Keys, uniform and coat are always in the same place so I know exactly where to find them.

I find it hard to do but it's a habit now, but I still have difficulty in locating the kids stuff, luckily dp does the school run and sorts that apart from lunches.

Mind you I may not be driving next week, I forgot to pay my car insurance and it's about to be cancelled, also haven't paid my council tax, I forgot

I'm with you blackhearts. In the last year I've had red warning letters about not having car tax or insurance. Could have sworn I'd done it (we have a vehicle each, so one was taxed and one was insured!) DH been merrily driving around in the car too. He doesn't think to check it either....

Getting in a routine is the only was we are able to move forward successfully in our days. However, as DH is an inattentive procrastinator, it can take months and months for us to find a routine that works for him.

I just thought he was being bloody awkward

If you can afford it go private. My dd was diagnosed at 16 by Clinical Partners it will cost about £500 though. She is now under a nhs consultant and is medicated. Not perfect but can cope with stuff now

Thank you Greenicicle I am definitely going for that option now.

I only wish that I could have got diagnosed at age 16 too and not struggled so much for the last 29 years. What a waste! I hope things get easier for your daughter

gottaslowdown. I was watching you tube and a man who was on it was saying the different feelings that the dx brings up. I could totally relate to what he said about being 44yr when dx. I think it's a natural regret. But we will have years to do other things.
I always compare myself to successful friends. One in particular is brilliant at keeping routines, neat and organised running her own business! I think creating routines is what I struggle with.
Anyway it's worth pursuing a dx.

Hi there - I've been lurking here for a bit as I've suspected for a while that I might have ADHD - for the last couple of years I've noticed that I have a strange 'brain fog' and have been struggling to concentrate on anything for long periods, to the point where it's really affecting my work. But then, someone linked to an article that said:

The consistent marker for ADHD is longevity of symptoms. If Mom yelled because your room was a mess, if you were fired from your first job because you were consistently late, ADHD might be the reason. On the other hand, if you were organized and neat until midlife, when things began to fall apart, you may be experiencing normal aging.

As this is only a problem that I've noticed in the last few years, does that mean it's not ADHD? I definitely used to be able to focus on things, and read whole books for instance (I can't even manage a single chapter now), so perhaps it's something else...?

ADHD doesn't normally come on later in life. Might it be worth having vitamin levels and things like thyroid checked? Those can cause similar symptoms. But no, for me, my ADHD symptoms have always been there - the difference was that for most of my life I assumed that everyone was like this and I just had to try harder/stop being lazy and putting things off.

But that said I used to be able to read and watch films more consistently than I do now, but I don't know if that's just because I used to spend far less time online. Reading was my go-to time suck whereas now it's forums.

Yes to be dx with ADHD the symptoms has to be there from childhood. There are lots of things that could be affecting your concentration and a good physchiatrist would rule physical reasons first i.e. Medications, anaemia, thyroid ect

bertie I used to read all the time and now find forums and Facebook etc huge time suck instead. 😐 I also think that social media & technology has made all humans concentration shorter!

Oooh, you're all back! Guess what?! I got diagnosed with ADHD this week by a private psychiatrist. I am quite delirious with happiness that I'm not just a fuckwit

I knew it. He thinks I'm more inattentive, than hyperactive/impulsive, but I know different. Will be starting meds after ECG/bloods done. I can't wait!!!!!!

For anyone out there, reading & starting to wonder, take this DIVA test

www.divacenter.eu/Content/VertalingPDFs/DIVA_2_EN_FORM%20-%20invulbaar.pdf

Sorry, crap at links.

My GP asked me to complete this DIVA to send on as possible evidence of ADHD. I had already done it! .

I had become hyperfocused on research and found that many ADHD Centre's and private & NHS psychiatrists went through the DIVA with you at initial assessment. For lots of money. My private psychiatrist this week started explaining it all and I jumped in (as I do!) with "I've done it". Ha ha ha ha

And yes, there is a teeny tiny bit of me that's disappointed/ sad/ surprised, I'm not "neurotypical". I always assumed I was. However, my special brain has achieved some amazing small wins along the way, despite the chaos! Was it someone here who said they were quite happy with their hyperactive brain? I have masses of ideas & I mostly LOVE life!

Yes yes Bertie! I'm a bit surprised to realise they aren't.

But no, for me, my ADHD symptoms have always been there - the difference was that for most of my life I assumed that everyone was like this and I just had to try harder/stop being lazy and putting things off.

bootygirl you're very wise!

bertie I used to read all the time and now find forums and Facebook etc huge time suck instead. 😐 I also think that social media & technology has made all humans concentration shorter!

I can lose whole days on the internet, doing 'stuff'. I am running an empire from my screen! Arf. DH has threatened to turn the Wi-Fi off. It's so bad, I might actually need to cut the plug off my laptop!

Now look, stop distracting me and let me get back to the million other half jobs I've started throughout the week!!!

My people

I was diagnosed last year at 22. I've had the symptoms for as long as I can remember but obviously got missed as part of the "ADHD is just naughty boys" mindset of the early 00s at school. Combined type but I notice more of the inattentive side in me.

For those of you worried about NHS waiting times, don't despair. I know a lot of people who waited a long time but I got lucky; saw my doctor, was referred, seen, diagnosed and medicated within a month (the ADHD specialist for my area had a cancellation). I was on Concerta, then they changed it to Matoride because it's cheaper. It's apparently the same thing, just a different name. I find it as effective as Concerta but without shooting my BP up as high as Concerta did.

I left all my previous jobs within a couple of months of starting them. Only managed uni because it was such a practical vocational course. Had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I now work somewhere with irregular rotas, shift patterns at all times of day & night, and you never know what the next day will bring (ambulance service), and I'm coming up on a year there :) medication has changed my life. I wish so much that I'd been diagnosed as a child. We're vigilant for signs of it now in my DD. Mine has gotten worse with age and significantly worse into adulthood.

I do sometimes love the impulsivity. I love that saying "fuck it" and doing stuff even when I probably shouldn't has led me to make so many new friends, to apply for (and get) a job I thought I didn't stand a chance with, to have DD, to learn several different languages just because my brain wanted something to do, to book holidays on an impulse and even though my wallet suffers the memories are amazing. But on a day to day basis, I need to function like a normal human being, so I'm very grateful for medication.

DH is an absolute saint. How he put up with me before I was medicated is anyone's guess. He understands, he just gets it and gets me and knows how to support me.

For those on medication, does it affect your ability to hyperfocus?

Yay, another one. Hi YassQueen You are SO lucky, I wish I had been diagnosed back then. I may not be so sick now. So you got worse going into adulthood? Me too. Increasingly!

Can't believe how quickly you were seen. It's been two months for me so far on NHS but I was told it would be a long wait. Having been stuck in extensive NHS queues for 5 years for my physical issues, I didn't want to wait any longer.

Interesting to know about your meds. Am researching. In a hyperfocused way of course Mmm. Slow release? Or fast acting that wears off quickly?

It seems that ADHD'ers are attracted to emergency service type work and are very good at it! Keep up the good work.

I'm wondering how genetic it is. I'm pretty sure I can see a number of my family with exactly the same traits as me. I'm not sure some of them will ever go near a diagnosis though There'll be some denial.........

misscocker I hope the hyperfocus thing gets balanced out tbh. I enjoy the skills & ability of hyperfocus, but don't want to be in that zone on trivial stuff (like I am now) and ignoring all the important life stuff that needs doing.

I've read that some artists/authors etc take the quick acting stuff when they need to (say for a job) but then come off it at the weekend to be able to get creative and back in their zone. That sounds like a good idea, but with 2 ADHD people in the house here with different metabolisms on meds, I can imagine the weekends getting messy