ADHD - no diagnosis but I can't function

[SquashFeet]

I've shown all the signs of ADHD since I was a child. Professionals agree it's likely but say s diagnosis will not help me.

I can't function. I can't concentrate. I can't keep a job for longer than 6 months as I get bored and stressed with it. I'm shit at everything because I can't focus. I forget everything. I'm always in trouble. I just want to run awY and like a simple life with no responsibilities. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Easter - every occasion stresses me out because the task of organising anything, even buying a card seems HUGE to me. Don't even get me started on Christmas, how I made it through the last one I don't know. I can't do this anymore, I'm not happy, I'm stressed out. Everything is just too much and my head feels like it's getting mashed up with info

dinosaursandtea good to hear some positives! UK? What area? My GP wasn't very positive about getting a diagnosis soon. And even though we're SE, thought I'd probably have to travel out of area to be assessed. Which will be very challenging.

Would love to know how you get on

I've been on Ritalin and concerta before but it didn't agree with me. Made me really angry and moody.

already get moody & angry! I want to try Ritalin and Concerta to help with that. I don't have any more energy for even more angry-ness.

Have people been diagnosed correctly? Are there different chemical approaches depending on what end of the spectrum you fall under, PH, PI or combined?

So, you're not on anything Timmy?

Ritalin and Concetta deal with focus not anger.

Yep, Scotland gottaslowdown I’ve been a patient at the surgery for 4 years, being treated for depression and anxiety. Interestingly, it was a dr that I had never really thought I got on with who was supportive!

We want to try for a family this year though, and I doubt that whatever meds I get prescribed will be compatible with gestating a small human.

I have ADHD and the impact on my life has been enormous, since I was very young and continues today. I have a psychiatrist but the stigma involved and the number of professionals who do not believe it exists is staggering. I have tried various forms of medication, have had a rough patch recently with a new thing and will be going back to the one I was on before. I pay privately because I can't face the years of waiting lists and hoops and nonsense. WHen I was diagnosed properly (at 18) it was like a huge 'ahaaah' moment. And again when I went back perhaps 6-7 years after that after spending half a decade unmedicated and completely screwing up. A diagnosis has helped me make sense of it. I think a lot of people think 'yeah right' and don't understand, so I don't tell people generally but I try my best to function as a normal person (still hard work though!) additudemag has some good articles

A diagnosis can help because it would mean you could access medication, which is basically the most effective treatment.

Another option I've learned about recently is Neurofeedback. As it's not covered by the NHS anyway, I don't know whether you'd need a diagnosis. It's not cheap though but it's supposed to be about as effective as medication. On the ADHD forums response is mixed - some people are sceptical because it tends to wear off. But some people report that the treatment can last for years, which is obviously more long-lasting than medication which will stop working the day you stop taking it. If you do look into this, beware of predatory clinics jumping on this bandwagon as it is NOT regulated. You must be able to sit down and have a proper discussion with somebody to work out whether it would be useful for you and get a real sense that they only want to help people they can actually improve things for, not just sell it to you regardless.

Here is a guide to getting diagnosed in the UK: aadduk.org/faq/

I haven't been able to try medication even though I've been diagnosed just over 2 years now. First I kept procrastinating/forgetting to make appointments (classic, helpful) and then I got pregnant. I miscarried but was stupidly honest about TTC and they wouldn't touch me. Now pregnant again so I'll try again when this baby is born and hopefully find somebody more local. Unfortunately in Germany where I live the only allowed medication is methylphenidate (ritalin) whereas in the US apparently they tend to start you off on vyvanyse now, which I forget the chemical name. Or adderall which might be the same thing? I'm not sure.

Things which have helped me without being medicated:

Dr. Russell Barkley's lectures (on Youtube). They are stupidly long so you need to find a way you can focus on them. For me the only way I could process them was to listen in chunks while I was doing something else with my hands/eyes but not brain, like ironing or folding clothes or tidying the house. Very emotional actually because he understands ADHD like nobody else I've come across. I have got his book too but it's nowhere near the level of the lectures, IMO.

The reddit subforum r/ADHD. Lots of understanding and support here even though the majority of posters seem to be American men aged 16-25. There is a smaller women's one called r/TwoXADHD but it isn't as active. The main sub has the better content, though the women's members will always reply, if you have a question to ask them.

Any reading about executive function. This is Barkley's key to his ADHD model. Understanding exec func deficits has helped me to accept what I can control, what I can't, what I should be able to rely on in my brain, what I likely can't - even though others can. That has helped me to put systems in place and adjust my expectations.

The youtube channel "How to ADHD". I found Jessica to be annoyingly upbeat at first but give her a chance, pick a video on a topic which seems useful and watch it all the way through. I actually appreciate that she makes her tips really bite sized and keeps the videos interesting. The peppiness has stopped irritating me now, because the content is just fantastic. Practical, relatable, yes.

Less helpful/to look into:

I did CBT but I found it frustrating and unhelpful. I don't think my therapist was very good. He ordered me a book which I think would have been very useful IF I had been medicated too, because it kept going on about the importance of combining CBT with medication and this dual pronged approach. The idea being that unless you were medicated in childhood, you've developed awful habits/coping mechanisms and the medication doesn't magic those away. So you use the CBT to develop good habits, but these won't stick without medication. So you need both.

This article which came up on r/ADHD the other day but I haven't got around to reading yet: www.guidelinesinpractice.co.uk/neurology-/practical-implementation-tips-adhd-in-adults/453652.article
(Actually, I thought that was about management but it's more medical but it is UK based! So I'll leave it in.)

I just had a bad reaction from Ritalin. I'm on as I said below, EyeQ and the Natura Cerbo for my ADHD and I'm on Stress Away, Natura Rescue and Vitamin B for my generalized anxiety disorder. I was on propanylol for anxiety but it made me put on weight. I weaned myself off that and now stick with the above which is working really well for me at the moment. I'm doing well at work and appear to have made a couple of friends so I feel good right now.

The article that I linked BTW suggests that there are four other options than methylphenidate which should be available in the UK. So if you want to try medication but ritalin doesn't agree with you, push for the others. I think it's really unfair how these things are kept away when it could potentially make such a difference. I don't think people understand how devastating something like ADHD can actually be.

It’s wrecked my life for sure

There’s no one in my life to help me either. Dp is useless, my mother is on another planet and there’s just me trying to cope with everything

A lot of the symptoms especially trying to organise things also could refer to dyspraxia. Trying to get a job done in the right sequence is very difficult at times for those with dyspraxia. I suppose a lot of these things are interrelated.

Yes there is a lot of overlap between dyspraxia and ADHD. The mark of dyspraxia as I understand it is difficulty with fine motor control. ADHD can tend to make a person clumsy but not always - many ADHDers are talented at sports for example, which is unusual for a dyspraxic person. ADHD is also apparently often (70%) comorbid with other disorders. My best friend with ADHD also has dyslexia. My assessment threw up borderline OCD (I don't think I have OCD and neither did my psychiatrist, but we agreed I have related personality traits. Whether that's a developed coping mechanism or a related aspect, I will never know.) I also have mild sensory issues. I suffer from symptoms of anxiety/depression, but I have always felt this is a proportionate reaction to my own shitness, and another therapist agreed it's situational - due to poor management of my issues, rather than any personal failings, but a therapist is supposed to be nice!

Blackhearts I don't know how I would have got through the last few years without DH. He's bailed me out of so many things and keeps me on track with what I should be doing. I still live in fear that one day he's going to have had enough and leave because he can't cope with me. Very occasionally we have these arguments where he says (in not so many words) that he's scared of that too. I feel sometimes like he's hanging on for the medication/neurofeedback/some other future option which doesn't exist yet to work. I'm hopeful for that too because I just can't seem to find a groove in life. I know my strengths and I know my value, but the weaknesses are too strong for most people to cope with. If I could have an assistant to deal with all of my paperwork, phone calls and scheduling, a cleaner, and then to be able to afford to buy extras such as extra clothing to let the washing pile up a little, more ready-prepared or restaurant food, spares of everything so I don't lose them, etc, and possibly an au pair so I don't have to organise childcare, then I'd probably be able to function about at the level which would be required of a normal adult. Unfortunately I have never even managed to have a job which would put four figures in my monthly payslip and I have not even managed to complete any educational setting since I was 16. I start out fantastically - I've talked myself into a postgrad level course FFS - and they predict wonderful things and I just crash out. (Actually I passed that one, but it was 12 weeks long - not enough to lose momentum.) I can't even pass my driving test. It's an awful catch-22 - I'd do well enough to afford that help if I could just start out with it.

And then it's just the little depressing things like arguing with DS this morning because he only had a pair of trousers left he doesn't like (I would not be at all surprised if he's ADHD with sensory issues himself) and he was getting so frustrated with me because he told me on Monday that he needed some trousers washing and on Tuesday he'd put his washing basket in front of the kitchen door so I wouldn't forget and last night he reminded me that he was putting his last clean pair of trousers into the wash, and I still forgot. I should go and do that now actually.

I’ve definitely found my tribe- waves. I mask really well and I very much doubt that I would get diagnosis, although this thread has given me some hope.
Op it really stood out for me what you said about Christmas & birthdays . I find them really demanding and dread Christmas. As I get older I. allow myself to not do stuff which is too stressful for me, things like cards.
I,m going to try the EyeQ & pick up my exercise ‘routines’ last year I joined a martial art club which I loved but had to leave, I couldn’t recall the order of the movements no matter how hard I tried. I felt really sad about that.
There are some things I like about ADHD- I,m hyperactive and enjoy being so.
Slightly appalled at poster who suggested a lack of empathy or being a psychopath- ffs!

Good luck dinosaurs. Good to know you actually found a GP who was supportive. I also got the depression & anxiety label. Now I see it was a reaction to a lifetime of dealing with undiagnosed physical issues AND ADHD.

Waves at guggenheim. Yeh, I'm gonna hang out here for a while I think. I seem to 'fit'. Phew

Four things that help me the most, fish oil supplements, loads of coffee, noise cancelling headphones, and exercise and walking every day.

Its funny what you said about Christmas, I love organising Christmas as i can do all the work and preparation upfront before everyone arrives. But from the moment everyone arrives until they leave I am completely useless and can't focus. My partner over the years has learnt to delegate me certain tasks and really helps me manage it well.

Thank you TrueBlue. Apart from the headphones, I've done all those to death and now my body refuses to do anymore!

Actually, you've reminded me, I'm going to look into the headphones again now. The noise of the singing birds celebrating Spring was deafening this week and made me come back into the house

I love birds.

And I meant to add, that is me at Christmas too! And my DH! It's a disaster zone here at events

@BertieBotts Your post was excellent! So many helpful bits of advice

I've been in an ADHD internet wormhole all day, when I stop spinning, I'll be back.

Well it's official have to come. Off Concetta and get BP checked in a week to see If it is the cause. If I want to look at other options I can.
Not sure I was getting huge amount of benefit from it tbh.
Oh and I ve been using coffee for years! I have done CBT in the past and found it good. Doing it again but not sure I am going to continue as it's a lot of money on top of private physchiatrist! I am getting treatment for anxiety. I think they are linked tbh.
My DH is brilliant. He is NT! Are kids are ADHD too. So it's hard but at least we get each other lol.
Definitely found my tribe. 😉 I ve heard that ADHD coaches can be very useful and a book that is recommended is Driven To Distraction.

Exercise helps me, but staying in the routine/keeping up the motivation to exercise is hard.

YY I have heard excellent things about Ned Hallowell. The God and positive thinking stuff puts me off him, but he is extremely highly regarded.

Hmm and what else. Will try to list things which have helped over the years especially post-diagnosis.

• Making a list somewhere online and not losable of everything which has ever worked/been helpful so I can refer back to it when it all falls apart.

• Not beating self up and thinking must start again from scratch when all falls apart, just accept it's a thing and start again.

• Detailing processes so that I don't have to do the groundwork of working out and building up systems multiple times. This is a huge issue for me. My brain doesn't automate those processes like it seems to do for other people, and the process of developing them is so difficult and exhausting that I don't get very far.

• Google calendar. Helpful as I spend a lot of time on my computer. I can't lose it. It's also on my phone, so I don't forget it. It syncs magically and doesn't need reprogramming when I get a new phone. Have as widget so immediately viewable when I'm absent mindedly flicking through home screens.

• Accept strengths which are the flip side of the weaknesses! Excellent problem solver/sideways thinker, I can throw ideas out like a popcorn maker. I'm very very good at "winging it" and thinking on my feet - I am underprepared so often that if I fell apart at this predicament I'd never manage anything. Notice these things and it helps you stop feeling so shit. It also means if you're looking to change job or choose a job type you can specifically look for things where these skills are valued perhaps more than things like being presentable, being prepared, appearing professional, communicating on time and filing. Anything with an element of crisis and unpredictability we tend to love because we perform better under adrenaline. Creative jobs with changing deadlines, unpredictable medicine (e.g. paramedic/midwifery), social work, police, fire, retail, pub/food, teaching or TA, particularly SN/behaviourally challenging students, care work, customer service esp in IT, move around and constantly take on travel/casual jobs (harder with DC), animal care/training.

• Oh no this was meant to be a quick list

• QR code alarm (free app) as I struggle with mornings. Forces me out of bed and to a place where I can use the toilet and brush my teeth before my awake brain kicks in and reminds me not to go back to bed.

• Space around planned activities. Don't try to fit too many in and never back to back.

• Work with the brain you have, not the one you think you should have. I put bins everywhere because I'm too lazy to get up and walk to the bin.

• Celebrate what you have managed, just rearrange what you have not without self judgement.

• When you feel overwhelmed, write a list. I find it easier to prioritise and move things around when I can see them.

• Check my email first thing in the morning so it never gets overwhelming. Email myself reminders so that I pick them up first thing the next day. Permission not to check for rest of day.

• Bedtime routine, morning routine - stop me getting sucked into endless procrastination spirals.

Morning! More excellent advice.

I've looked into Driven to Distraction before but the fact that's it's over 20 years old put me off.

I bought FAST MINDS, which was fantastic. Well, the bit I read. Before it triggered some ideas, then plans, then, a report, then a list, then a letter to my GP, then get an appointment, then find the DIVA online, then half complete that, then go to GP's sitting in waiting room, furiously scribbling all the things I mustn't forget to tell her, then get an agreed referral, then come home to madly finish all the paperwork, plus DIVA that I promised to email as further evidence..... Then realise that I've missed some birthdays and forgotten the food shop

You're right, you have to celebrate the things you can do well and not give yourself a hard time for your 'failings'. I've spent most of my life doing that & now I can't WAIT for a diagnosis.

And this thread has reminded me to go back and pick up the book again. Anyone else have 20+ unfinished books all over the place?

Hahaha yes! I keep meaning to read Getting Things Done but it's so dull.

I only had three things to do this morning and I have done them all phone the electric company (okay, I am waiting for a callback, but I filled in the form!), make my printout for this afternoon, write a shopping list and pay DH the money from our old house's deposit. Oh and made myself lunch.

Old books are not necessarily bad. I read an old copy of "So you're not crazy, stupid or lazy?" and it was good except that I have found anything written before 2010 to be highly suspicious of electronic means of organisation and keep warning against them as though you're going to need an entire computing degree to use them - which just isn't the case for a smartphone. Aside from that particular aspect, though, I think old books are still useful. Especially as they are often updated with newer information on things like medication. Use internet resources instead for up to date info about technology because even if a book was revised last year, that text is probably from 2014 and not relevant to 2018's technology - it just takes so long for a book to get from revision to editing to publishing and rerelease, and tech moves too fast. Medication changes don't, so you can generally trust recently published books on that front. Hallowell is not particularly interested in medication though because it doesn't work for him so his basis is more about managing symptoms without.

There might be more to it than adhd. Have a look at one of the websites about personality disorders and be prepared to be really honest with yourself or have someone you trust look at it with you.